Refrence Materials from Mental Health Medical Journal
Knowledge for all
Bipolar disorder is a common illness. Sufferers were once referred to as manic-depressive but the condition is now popularly known as Bipolar Disorder. What does it involve? It actually involves two different states if mind:
Mania: violent passion or desire; extreme excitement And,
Depression: a feeling of melancholy, hopelessness and dejection.
The symptoms can vary from moderate to extreme mania on one end of the scale and different levels of sadness and disappointment on the other. Usually there is a period of normal feelings in between the two. The change in mood from high to low can happen quite quickly and in some cases there may seem to be a mix of high and low together. There is no standard which can accurately predict what kind of mood will be manifest, how high or low the fluctuations will be or even how long they might last.
A manic depressive person with this bipolar disorder might seem on top of the world one day, taking on debts and responsibilities, feeling invincible and capable of anything. They may go out one day and finance a car that they can’t afford or volunteer for a task that is really beyond their capabilities to perform. The next day the world appears to crash in around them and they are incapable of coping with the simplest daily chores.
What can be expected from a sufferer during a period of mania? During mania the person will feel super energized. The excitement will be manifested in restlessness and quick thinking and speaking. They might seem edgy, irritable and distracted, have trouble sleeping, take risks and overspend. They will seem to be in a state of euphoria (exaggerated sense of well being). Sex drive is increased.
In a depression the person might seem continually sad or anxious. They may not be allowing any feelings and be left with an emptiness, which lasts for a period of hours or days. Hopeless, pessimistic and guilty with feelings of worthlessness and helplessness, they may withdraw, seem tired and listless. They may lose appetite and weight and also lose interest in things that normally excite them.
Alcohol and drug abuse may develop as a result of the seeming loss of emotional control. Men and women are equally at risk and the age at onset is usually between 15and 25.
There is no known cause of bipolar disorder. There may be a risk due to heredity but this has not been proven. It seems to run in families but the evidence is only anecdotal at present. If there is an awareness of the risks, then early diagnosis and treatment can reduce the symptoms. This illness strikes between one and two percent of the population where it is diagnosed. Diagnosis is difficult and bipolar disorder is often misdiagnosed as depression.
Some extreme episodes may require a hospital stay to help control the symptoms. A variety of antidepressants and other drugs are sometimes prescribed. Lithium is often given as a preventative drug but it has side effects that may make it undesirable
Showing posts with label community counseling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label community counseling. Show all posts
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Marital Problems That Often Lead to Divorce
Refrence article from google
Marital problems don’t always lead to divorce. At times they may cause you to feel like you want to run screaming toward the courthouse but, that doesn’t have to be the situation. I know you’ve heard this before but, I’m going to say it again anyway…marriage is work, a lot of work. The stress and strain of every day life can distract us at times and cause us to lose focus on the work that needs to be done in the marriage. That same stress can invade a marriage, exacerbate, and magnify any marital problems and issues in the marriage.
Most marital problems are typical. In other words if you are married, you will, at some point be faced with pretty much the same issues that most married people face. There is no true way to gauge whether the problems in your marriage are insurmountable. Your commitment to the marriage and your spouse determines how much you are willing to put up with and how hard you are willing to work on the marriage. If you are thinking about divorce or feeling like taking a jog down to the courthouse, ask yourself some of the follow questions.
· Are you to the point that your spouse just can’t do anything right, does everything they do get under your skin?
· Does everything lead to an argument?
· Are you tired of the fighting, so tired you can’t muster of the energy to even engage anymore?
· Has the love you felt been replaced by resentment?
· Would you rather be anywhere than with your spouse?
· When you and your spouse are together do you find you have nothing to talk about or that you have little interest in talking to him/her?
· Does the idea of sex with your spouse cause you to shudder?
· Are you having an affair or thinking about having an affair?
· You find yourself doing the opposite of what your spouse needs from you just to spite him/her?
· Are thoughts of divorce running through your mind on a regular basis?
Don’t worry, just because you answered yes to most of the questions doesn’t necessarily mean you are headed for divorce. It does mean, however that your marriage is in trouble and that it is time to evaluate your feelings as far as your commitment to the marriage. Steps need to be taken to either fix the problems in the marriage or to get the ball rolling and the divorce process started. Staying stuck in an unhappy marriage should not be an option for you or your spouse. Get to work finding a solution for the problems or you will end up in divorce court.
Marital problems don’t always lead to divorce. At times they may cause you to feel like you want to run screaming toward the courthouse but, that doesn’t have to be the situation. I know you’ve heard this before but, I’m going to say it again anyway…marriage is work, a lot of work. The stress and strain of every day life can distract us at times and cause us to lose focus on the work that needs to be done in the marriage. That same stress can invade a marriage, exacerbate, and magnify any marital problems and issues in the marriage.
Most marital problems are typical. In other words if you are married, you will, at some point be faced with pretty much the same issues that most married people face. There is no true way to gauge whether the problems in your marriage are insurmountable. Your commitment to the marriage and your spouse determines how much you are willing to put up with and how hard you are willing to work on the marriage. If you are thinking about divorce or feeling like taking a jog down to the courthouse, ask yourself some of the follow questions.
· Are you to the point that your spouse just can’t do anything right, does everything they do get under your skin?
· Does everything lead to an argument?
· Are you tired of the fighting, so tired you can’t muster of the energy to even engage anymore?
· Has the love you felt been replaced by resentment?
· Would you rather be anywhere than with your spouse?
· When you and your spouse are together do you find you have nothing to talk about or that you have little interest in talking to him/her?
· Does the idea of sex with your spouse cause you to shudder?
· Are you having an affair or thinking about having an affair?
· You find yourself doing the opposite of what your spouse needs from you just to spite him/her?
· Are thoughts of divorce running through your mind on a regular basis?
Don’t worry, just because you answered yes to most of the questions doesn’t necessarily mean you are headed for divorce. It does mean, however that your marriage is in trouble and that it is time to evaluate your feelings as far as your commitment to the marriage. Steps need to be taken to either fix the problems in the marriage or to get the ball rolling and the divorce process started. Staying stuck in an unhappy marriage should not be an option for you or your spouse. Get to work finding a solution for the problems or you will end up in divorce court.
SUICIDE
Refrence article from google search.
Suicide is defined as the act of deliberately taking one's own life. It occurs most often in response to a crisis such as a death or the loss of a relationship or job. During a crisis people experience a wide range of feelings, and each person's response to crisis is different. It is normal to feel frightened or anxious or depressed. If a person feels overwhelmed or unable to cope, he or she may try to commit suicide.
Almost all people who kill themselves either suffered from depression or had substance abuse problems. People who are lonely and isolated or who have histories of previous suicide attempts are also at greater risk for attempting suicide.
Men are more than four times as likely as women to die by suicide, yet women are more likely to make a nonlethal suicide attempt.
Suicide is a major public health problem. Each year, firearms are used as many times for suicide as they are for murder. In some other countries, 71 percent of all firearm deaths are suicide.
Attempted and completed suicides result in enormous social, economic, and medical costs. Suicide is very disruptive to the quality of life of survivors and their families and friends.
Public health professionals have a major role to play in addressing the problem of suicide. Public health programs and policies can play a part before, during, and after completed or attempted suicides. First, public health programs are an important aspect of the prevention of suicide. Education campaigns can be used to increase knowledge and to change people's attitudes, beliefs, and values about suicide, and about people who may have attempted suicide. People may have distorted ideas about suicidal persons. For example, it is a myth that people who commit suicide never talk about it first. Most people provide important warning signs that can help to reduce the risk of suicide.
Health education can be combined with counseling or support programs. These programs can be provided by trained public health professionals or by peer counselors. For example, teenagers can be trained to provide counseling and support for other teens. Suicide awareness or prevention programs can be delivered in a variety of settings such as schools, churches, or in the community as a whole. They can also be delivered in psychiatric settings.
A second aspect of the prevention of suicide lies in judging or assessing a person's risk for suicide. Public health professionals such as nurses or doctors can help to prevent completed suicides by identifying people who may be thinking about or planning to try to commit suicide. They can also provide support through crisis or suicide-prevention counseling.
Public health can also play a valuable role during a suicide attempt. A suicide attempt is often a person's response to a crisis, or to a time when they feel overwhelmed or hopeless. Public health professionals can help during a suicide attempt through suicide-prevention counseling. This type of short-term counseling involves providing support and guidance to an individual who is suicidal. Its purpose is to decrease the person's emotional pain, to make sure that the person is safe, and to help develop a plan for coping. Sometimes suicide-prevention counseling includes connecting a person to community or health services. These services can then provide longer-term support.
Suicide prevention counseling is a valuable tool for public health. It is relatively low-cost, flexible, and simple to provide. A wide variety of health professionals, including doctors, nurses, psychologists, and social workers, can be taught to help people with suicide-prevention counseling techniques. These services can be provided in a wide variety of places or settings, including hospitals, community clinics, and telephone-based crisis centers or helplines. Suicide-prevention services provide an important link between the community and the formal health care system.
Public health professionals who work in suicide prevention and counseling are faced with a growing variety of issues and clients. Most communities are home to an increased number of people from a wide variety of cultural and ethnic backgrounds. There are also more older people in society. New issues that might trigger a suicide attempt include elder abuse, racism or discrimination, bullying, or gay bashing. Police officers, firemen, paramedics, and others are being trained to deliver on-the-spot suicide prevention counseling.
There is also a role for public health following a completed or attempted suicide. A suicide attempt or death can have a traumatic effect on the quality of life of survivors and their families and friends. Public health programs can provide important support services to survivors of a suicide attempt and their families.
Public health is only one important part of society's response to suicide as a health and social problem. There is also a role for law enforcement, the education system, the government, and the formal health care system in prevention, treatment, and follow-up to a suicide attempt.
Law enforcement (police officers) and public health professionals can cooperate to help suicidal persons. Police officers are often the first ones on the scene of a suicide attempt. They may act to prevent a suicidal person from hurting themselves (or someone else) through suicide prevention counseling. The may detain someone who is at high risk for suicide and refer him or her to appropriate public health resources.
The educational and health care systems also have a role to play in the prevention, treatment, and follow-up to a suicide attempt. Schools provide access to most young people and provide a place for delivering suicide prevention or awareness programs. They can also teach young people to recognize the warning signs of a potential suicide attempt in their friends, to provide peer counseling, and how to get immediate help and support. This is important because young people are at higher risk of attempting suicide than most adults.
The formal health care system (hospitals, clinics, doctor's offices) can play an important role in two main ways. First, people who are suicidal may come to an emergency room or a physician's office. In these cases, the health system serves as a "first-response" and crisis service. Second, once a person has been identified by a public health or law enforcement professional as suicidal, they may need to be hospitalized for a period of time. Health professionals can provide medications and further counseling or support to a suicidal person and their family.
Once a suicidal person is released from a hospital, public health professionals may make home visits or provide follow-up support through a community-based clinic. The prevention of suicide and the provision of support to people who are suicidal play an important and increasing role in the health of individuals, families, and communities.
Suicide is defined as the act of deliberately taking one's own life. It occurs most often in response to a crisis such as a death or the loss of a relationship or job. During a crisis people experience a wide range of feelings, and each person's response to crisis is different. It is normal to feel frightened or anxious or depressed. If a person feels overwhelmed or unable to cope, he or she may try to commit suicide.
Almost all people who kill themselves either suffered from depression or had substance abuse problems. People who are lonely and isolated or who have histories of previous suicide attempts are also at greater risk for attempting suicide.
Men are more than four times as likely as women to die by suicide, yet women are more likely to make a nonlethal suicide attempt.
Suicide is a major public health problem. Each year, firearms are used as many times for suicide as they are for murder. In some other countries, 71 percent of all firearm deaths are suicide.
Attempted and completed suicides result in enormous social, economic, and medical costs. Suicide is very disruptive to the quality of life of survivors and their families and friends.
Public health professionals have a major role to play in addressing the problem of suicide. Public health programs and policies can play a part before, during, and after completed or attempted suicides. First, public health programs are an important aspect of the prevention of suicide. Education campaigns can be used to increase knowledge and to change people's attitudes, beliefs, and values about suicide, and about people who may have attempted suicide. People may have distorted ideas about suicidal persons. For example, it is a myth that people who commit suicide never talk about it first. Most people provide important warning signs that can help to reduce the risk of suicide.
Health education can be combined with counseling or support programs. These programs can be provided by trained public health professionals or by peer counselors. For example, teenagers can be trained to provide counseling and support for other teens. Suicide awareness or prevention programs can be delivered in a variety of settings such as schools, churches, or in the community as a whole. They can also be delivered in psychiatric settings.
A second aspect of the prevention of suicide lies in judging or assessing a person's risk for suicide. Public health professionals such as nurses or doctors can help to prevent completed suicides by identifying people who may be thinking about or planning to try to commit suicide. They can also provide support through crisis or suicide-prevention counseling.
Public health can also play a valuable role during a suicide attempt. A suicide attempt is often a person's response to a crisis, or to a time when they feel overwhelmed or hopeless. Public health professionals can help during a suicide attempt through suicide-prevention counseling. This type of short-term counseling involves providing support and guidance to an individual who is suicidal. Its purpose is to decrease the person's emotional pain, to make sure that the person is safe, and to help develop a plan for coping. Sometimes suicide-prevention counseling includes connecting a person to community or health services. These services can then provide longer-term support.
Suicide prevention counseling is a valuable tool for public health. It is relatively low-cost, flexible, and simple to provide. A wide variety of health professionals, including doctors, nurses, psychologists, and social workers, can be taught to help people with suicide-prevention counseling techniques. These services can be provided in a wide variety of places or settings, including hospitals, community clinics, and telephone-based crisis centers or helplines. Suicide-prevention services provide an important link between the community and the formal health care system.
Public health professionals who work in suicide prevention and counseling are faced with a growing variety of issues and clients. Most communities are home to an increased number of people from a wide variety of cultural and ethnic backgrounds. There are also more older people in society. New issues that might trigger a suicide attempt include elder abuse, racism or discrimination, bullying, or gay bashing. Police officers, firemen, paramedics, and others are being trained to deliver on-the-spot suicide prevention counseling.
There is also a role for public health following a completed or attempted suicide. A suicide attempt or death can have a traumatic effect on the quality of life of survivors and their families and friends. Public health programs can provide important support services to survivors of a suicide attempt and their families.
Public health is only one important part of society's response to suicide as a health and social problem. There is also a role for law enforcement, the education system, the government, and the formal health care system in prevention, treatment, and follow-up to a suicide attempt.
Law enforcement (police officers) and public health professionals can cooperate to help suicidal persons. Police officers are often the first ones on the scene of a suicide attempt. They may act to prevent a suicidal person from hurting themselves (or someone else) through suicide prevention counseling. The may detain someone who is at high risk for suicide and refer him or her to appropriate public health resources.
The educational and health care systems also have a role to play in the prevention, treatment, and follow-up to a suicide attempt. Schools provide access to most young people and provide a place for delivering suicide prevention or awareness programs. They can also teach young people to recognize the warning signs of a potential suicide attempt in their friends, to provide peer counseling, and how to get immediate help and support. This is important because young people are at higher risk of attempting suicide than most adults.
The formal health care system (hospitals, clinics, doctor's offices) can play an important role in two main ways. First, people who are suicidal may come to an emergency room or a physician's office. In these cases, the health system serves as a "first-response" and crisis service. Second, once a person has been identified by a public health or law enforcement professional as suicidal, they may need to be hospitalized for a period of time. Health professionals can provide medications and further counseling or support to a suicidal person and their family.
Once a suicidal person is released from a hospital, public health professionals may make home visits or provide follow-up support through a community-based clinic. The prevention of suicide and the provision of support to people who are suicidal play an important and increasing role in the health of individuals, families, and communities.
Values counseling
Our Values Statement
Influence follows close upon the heels of character -- Caroline Dall
Counseling With Values. What A Difference!
Theravive is the only professional therapist directory that promotes strong moral values as a foundation for counseling and therapy. In short, we believe in saving marriages, in restoring relationships, in individual dignity and the equal value of all people, in marriage & family, in the value of mothers and fathers in the lives of children, in forgiveness, in healing people so that they no longer need counseling (and sometimes even medication), and in safe, non-judgmental therapy.
Values counseling allows you to know the heart of your counselor. By knowing this in advance, you will have a greater understanding of your counselor's focus, goals, and counselling path. You gain a deeper, more objective insight into where you have been and the new direction that will bring you healing, restoration, and joy. Simply put, having a therapist who shares your values means better and more effective therapy. Values promote healthy living and relationships, helping us to get our lives on the right track. Values are the light posts that point the way to a better place, illuminating to us hope and purpose in our lives that we may not have seen before. They not only protect us, but also guide us.
A Broken World
All of us live in an imperfect world, and we all contribute, in various degrees, to its imperfections. In a way, most of us already acknowledge that the world is a noble yet dangerous place; full of wonder and beauty, but also of indifference and malice. For example, parents will try to protect their children in some fashion from the "real world." Children are innocent, and the real world is a place where innocence can be lost. In essence, most of us acknowledge that this world is lacking and falls short of something greater- something it could be, but that it isn't. Values counseling points towards a higher standard, while relative or "non-values" counselling looks only at the subjective.
Values Based Counselors point the way in a unified direction to something greater
When values are arbitrary, a unified direction does not exist, and confusion results.
The Need for Values Based Counselors
When people see a counselor, they may be coming for something as simple as help with befriending a co-worker, or they may be on their final hope of a collapsing life, having utilized every ounce of remaining strength just to walk through the door. It is so important that the counselor be well grounded in solid moral values and principles, because all these people having such a wide scope of issues are all seeking the same thing: a better way.
The Reason Why Theravive Exists
Imagine a man who's life is collapsing, his wife no longer loves him due to years of emotional neglect and she intends to leave him. He loves her more than anything in the world and cannot bear the thought of losing his wife. Where did he go so wrong? How can he fix this? This just can't be happening! -(sadly, he has no clue how his years of ignoring her emotional needs has caused her love to die). He manages to convince her to see a counselor for help. She is reluctant but figures she will go, she at least owes him that. Can you see how important it is that this man find the right counselor? He gets one shot...just one shot at finding a counselor who can peel off the layers that, over the years, have become hardened scaled armour, and bring hope for this dying marriage. What if the counselor he chose viewed marriage as merely a "contract" between two people? What if he wound up in front of a counselor who believed that cohabitation is just as good as having the "piece of paper" of marriage, or a therapist who was so morally neutral, that anything and everything was "right" simply if the client felt it was right? Can you see how important the values of the counselor are to a situation like this? He could open a phone book and randomly select any therapist, but how wise is it to take your future, and stake it on the roll of dice? There are a lot of licensed therapists out there, and not all of them have the same beliefs about marriage. This man desperately needs a counselor who is well grounded, and believes in marriage.
Values based counselling means that the counselor is always pointing to a better way, meeting the client where he or she is at, and guiding that person towards a higher place: a place of deeper truth, a place of greater meaning. Non-values oriented counseling will simply seek to return the client to a functional level, or simply at a place that is "best for them." Well in the example above what was "best for the wife" was divorce. Yet she may not realize, or even see, that there could be door for her that leads her to a joyful life with her husband. While we believe that all people have the capacity within them to change, that does not mean they can always see all the choices before them. Sometimes people are so heavily oppressed by their situation that they genuinely cannot see a way out, or are unable to discern the best possible path. This is where the values of the counselor are critical to effective therapy.
Values are the whispers of our conscience that show us those things in our lives that need to change, they help us understand not only the problems in our lives, but why they were problems. Without values, we are unable to identify destructive behaviors and patterns of thoughts that cause pain and brokenness. Values allow us to learn from the past, let things go, and illuminate a new path towards a brighter future. And while we may never actually reach the ideal, it is instead the journey towards it that holds the joy of living; that we live a life always walking forward, towards a better place, one that is full of hope, experiencing true freedom and purpose every step of the way.
A Broken World
All of us live in an imperfect world, and we all contribute, in various degrees, to its imperfections. In a way, most of us already acknowledge that the world is a noble yet dangerous place; full of wonder and beauty, but also of indifference and malice. For example, parents will try to protect their children in some fashion from the "real world." Children are innocent, and the real world is a place where innocence can be lost. In essence, most of us acknowledge that this world is lacking and falls short of something greater- something it could be, but that it isn't. Values counseling points towards a higher standard, while relative or "non-values" counselling looks only at the subjective.
Values Based Counselors point the way in a unified direction to something greater
When values are arbitrary, a unified direction does not exist, and confusion results.
The Need for Values Based Counselors
When people see a counselor, they may be coming for something as simple as help with befriending a co-worker, or they may be on their final hope of a collapsing life, having utilized every ounce of remaining strength just to walk through the door. It is so important that the counselor be well grounded in solid moral values and principles, because all these people having such a wide scope of issues are all seeking the same thing: a better way.
The Reason Why Theravive Exists
Imagine a man who's life is collapsing, his wife no longer loves him due to years of emotional neglect and she intends to leave him. He loves her more than anything in the world and cannot bear the thought of losing his wife. Where did he go so wrong? How can he fix this? This just can't be happening! -(sadly, he has no clue how his years of ignoring her emotional needs has caused her love to die). He manages to convince her to see a counselor for help. She is reluctant but figures she will go, she at least owes him that. Can you see how important it is that this man find the right counselor? He gets one shot...just one shot at finding a counselor who can peel off the layers that, over the years, have become hardened scaled armour, and bring hope for this dying marriage. What if the counselor he chose viewed marriage as merely a "contract" between two people? What if he wound up in front of a counselor who believed that cohabitation is just as good as having the "piece of paper" of marriage, or a therapist who was so morally neutral, that anything and everything was "right" simply if the client felt it was right? Can you see how important the values of the counselor are to a situation like this? He could open a phone book and randomly select any therapist, but how wise is it to take your future, and stake it on the roll of dice? There are a lot of licensed therapists out there, and not all of them have the same beliefs about marriage. This man desperately needs a counselor who is well grounded, and believes in marriage.
Values based counselling means that the counselor is always pointing to a better way, meeting the client where he or she is at, and guiding that person towards a higher place: a place of deeper truth, a place of greater meaning. Non-values oriented counseling will simply seek to return the client to a functional level, or simply at a place that is "best for them." Well in the example above what was "best for the wife" was divorce. Yet she may not realize, or even see, that there could be door for her that leads her to a joyful life with her husband. While we believe that all people have the capacity within them to change, that does not mean they can always see all the choices before them. Sometimes people are so heavily oppressed by their situation that they genuinely cannot see a way out, or are unable to discern the best possible path. This is where the values of the counselor are critical to effective therapy.
Values are the whispers of our conscience that show us those things in our lives that need to change, they help us understand not only the problems in our lives, but why they were problems. Without values, we are unable to identify destructive behaviors and patterns of thoughts that cause pain and brokenness. Values allow us to learn from the past, let things go, and illuminate a new path towards a brighter future. And while we may never actually reach the ideal, it is instead the journey towards it that holds the joy of living; that we live a life always walking forward, towards a better place, one that is full of hope, experiencing true freedom and purpose every step of the way.
VALUE: We believe in saving marriages, and in the restoration of relationships.
Statement of Understanding: Theravive is pro-marriage. This means our first hope is to save your marriage, if possible. Marriages to us are far greater than merely a "contract" or "piece of paper." They are the foundation for a healthy family. In 'saving a marriage' we do not mean simply keeping two people physically together where one or both spouses are unhappy. Our goal is that both spouses have purpose, connection, value, and joy together. Yet we also understand that not all relationships can be saved (such as a spouse who is adamant in divorce, or when someone's safety is at risk, etc.). In the case where a relationship cannot be saved, our goal is to resolve the issues that have left the relationship broken and restore the individual.
VALUE: We believe in the sanctity and dignity of human life, that all people have meaning and purpose, and that no individual is without true value regardless of age, sex, race, choices made in life, or religion.We believe that each individual has purpose, meaning, and objective value. People are not born as merely empty vessels upon which a society or government grants rights and value to. Instead, simply by virtue of being a human being, you have inherent value, purpose, and meaning. The worth and unique value of a human being is objective. At Theravive, this means your counselor will treat you with dignity, respect, and with genuine concern for your well-being.
VALUE: We believe in the family and in raising children by their loving and married mothers and fathers (this isn't always possible, it is simply the best possible).
Statement of Understanding:
We believe the best (ideal) place to raise a child is in a loving marriage. What this means is we believe that in a perfect world, children are meant to be raised and loved by their parents as husband and wife. We do not consider expendable, a mother or a father. It is unfortunate to us that in today's world children are actually planned in advance to be born without a mother or father in their lives, as if mothers and fathers are optional in the planning of families. Mothers and fathers offer unique attributes in the development of a child that no one else can fully substitute. A fatherless or motherless child, or a child in a single parent or unmarried home, may still have a wonderful loving home, but it is not something we would wish upon them when they become parents. Most single parents, for example, never planned on being single parents. We want our children to model the best parts of us, and not our pain. Teaching our children the value of marriage and family gives them a solid direction in life, and a strong system of values that will guide their future, helping them to become loving parents, even breaking the cycle that may have left us alone.
If you have read this value and feel that you are not even close, be encouraged; no matter where you are in life, therapy can bring a new direction for you and your children. We accept all clients where they are in life, and it is never too late to start a new path. Every journey begins with a single step.
VALUE: We affirm the need and power of forgiveness, acknowledging that right and wrong exist.
Statement of Understanding:
We believe that fundamental right and wrong are not relative, but something that is commonly understood. For example, whether its "small" acts like cutting in line, or larger ones such as acts of harm, stealing, or deception, the same universal principles are known, regardless of culture. These are the basis for our conscience.
Forgiveness implies that someone was wronged. Whether you are giving forgiveness to someone who wronged you, or you need forgiveness for someone you have wronged, there is a recognition that something happened that should not have, or did not happen that should have. In order for forgiveness to occur there needs to be an acknowledgement of responsibility and of right and wrong, meaning that sometimes guilt is a healthy response to wrongdoing. Too often in society we look to pin responsibility on everyone else, with the notion that there is no such thing as "wrong". In the world of psychology, too often counselors just assume guilt is an unhealthy emotion that should be let-go. While we agree that there are certainly times when guilt can be harmful to growth (a battered wife who blames herself), we also acknowledge that guilt can be healthy, a sign that an individual has a conscience, and a call to action. It is much more tragic when someone can hurt others and feel no guilt.
When we hurt someone else or when someone hurts us, we need to forgive, not just those who hurt us, but ourselves as well. Forgiveness allows us to let go of the hurt, and be free from guilt. Forgiveness is very powerful and essential in any committed relationship, and important for our own selves. Sometimes forgiving our self is harder than forgiving anyone else.
PRINCIPLE: Naturopathic Philosophy
We believe in resolving the underlying problems that lead to depression, anxiety, and other emotional and physiological issues. While medication may be a necessary part of an individual’s process to wellness, where possible, we work to free the client from the problems that medication has been prescribed to address. This results in the client requiring less or no medication and not becoming dependant on counselling. To put simply, drugs are a last resort, not a first resort. Far too many times, drugs are rapidly prescribed as a quick way to treat a client when they are not always necessary. We do not want to resort to drugs as an easy way out of dealing with a problem, yet at the same time we acknowledge that drugs are an important component of mental health. At all times, we work with, not against, the professional medical care given to our clients.
PRINCIPLE: Guide Not a Judge
While our counselors share common values, our clients need not. A client may live a life of different values, and is still accepted and welcomed, as we have a "come as you are" approach. And even though we believe in right and wrong, it is not our place to be judgmental, dictate, or impose on a client. No matter what the values of a client are, a good counselor will accept that client, and be a listener first. A counselor can never "fix" a problem or change someone, only the client can do that. A counselor that spends more time talking in sessions than his or her clients is probably missing out on important opportunities to understand and lead the client into a path of discovery. While there are certainly times that it may be appropriate to spend a lot of time advising a client, a good counselor is first a listener before being a speaker. A good counselor establishes a safe, collaborative relationship with the client and it is within the safety of this container that effective therapy takes place. A good counselor will guide, rather than judge. A good counselor will listen, rather than lecture. It is always the client, not the therapist, who must make the decisions regarding their life. The grounded counselor shows the way and provides the tools; the client must then make the choice and walk the path.
Statement of Understanding: Theravive is pro-marriage. This means our first hope is to save your marriage, if possible. Marriages to us are far greater than merely a "contract" or "piece of paper." They are the foundation for a healthy family. In 'saving a marriage' we do not mean simply keeping two people physically together where one or both spouses are unhappy. Our goal is that both spouses have purpose, connection, value, and joy together. Yet we also understand that not all relationships can be saved (such as a spouse who is adamant in divorce, or when someone's safety is at risk, etc.). In the case where a relationship cannot be saved, our goal is to resolve the issues that have left the relationship broken and restore the individual.
VALUE: We believe in the sanctity and dignity of human life, that all people have meaning and purpose, and that no individual is without true value regardless of age, sex, race, choices made in life, or religion.We believe that each individual has purpose, meaning, and objective value. People are not born as merely empty vessels upon which a society or government grants rights and value to. Instead, simply by virtue of being a human being, you have inherent value, purpose, and meaning. The worth and unique value of a human being is objective. At Theravive, this means your counselor will treat you with dignity, respect, and with genuine concern for your well-being.
VALUE: We believe in the family and in raising children by their loving and married mothers and fathers (this isn't always possible, it is simply the best possible).
Statement of Understanding:
We believe the best (ideal) place to raise a child is in a loving marriage. What this means is we believe that in a perfect world, children are meant to be raised and loved by their parents as husband and wife. We do not consider expendable, a mother or a father. It is unfortunate to us that in today's world children are actually planned in advance to be born without a mother or father in their lives, as if mothers and fathers are optional in the planning of families. Mothers and fathers offer unique attributes in the development of a child that no one else can fully substitute. A fatherless or motherless child, or a child in a single parent or unmarried home, may still have a wonderful loving home, but it is not something we would wish upon them when they become parents. Most single parents, for example, never planned on being single parents. We want our children to model the best parts of us, and not our pain. Teaching our children the value of marriage and family gives them a solid direction in life, and a strong system of values that will guide their future, helping them to become loving parents, even breaking the cycle that may have left us alone.
If you have read this value and feel that you are not even close, be encouraged; no matter where you are in life, therapy can bring a new direction for you and your children. We accept all clients where they are in life, and it is never too late to start a new path. Every journey begins with a single step.
VALUE: We affirm the need and power of forgiveness, acknowledging that right and wrong exist.
Statement of Understanding:
We believe that fundamental right and wrong are not relative, but something that is commonly understood. For example, whether its "small" acts like cutting in line, or larger ones such as acts of harm, stealing, or deception, the same universal principles are known, regardless of culture. These are the basis for our conscience.
Forgiveness implies that someone was wronged. Whether you are giving forgiveness to someone who wronged you, or you need forgiveness for someone you have wronged, there is a recognition that something happened that should not have, or did not happen that should have. In order for forgiveness to occur there needs to be an acknowledgement of responsibility and of right and wrong, meaning that sometimes guilt is a healthy response to wrongdoing. Too often in society we look to pin responsibility on everyone else, with the notion that there is no such thing as "wrong". In the world of psychology, too often counselors just assume guilt is an unhealthy emotion that should be let-go. While we agree that there are certainly times when guilt can be harmful to growth (a battered wife who blames herself), we also acknowledge that guilt can be healthy, a sign that an individual has a conscience, and a call to action. It is much more tragic when someone can hurt others and feel no guilt.
When we hurt someone else or when someone hurts us, we need to forgive, not just those who hurt us, but ourselves as well. Forgiveness allows us to let go of the hurt, and be free from guilt. Forgiveness is very powerful and essential in any committed relationship, and important for our own selves. Sometimes forgiving our self is harder than forgiving anyone else.
PRINCIPLE: Naturopathic Philosophy
We believe in resolving the underlying problems that lead to depression, anxiety, and other emotional and physiological issues. While medication may be a necessary part of an individual’s process to wellness, where possible, we work to free the client from the problems that medication has been prescribed to address. This results in the client requiring less or no medication and not becoming dependant on counselling. To put simply, drugs are a last resort, not a first resort. Far too many times, drugs are rapidly prescribed as a quick way to treat a client when they are not always necessary. We do not want to resort to drugs as an easy way out of dealing with a problem, yet at the same time we acknowledge that drugs are an important component of mental health. At all times, we work with, not against, the professional medical care given to our clients.
PRINCIPLE: Guide Not a Judge
While our counselors share common values, our clients need not. A client may live a life of different values, and is still accepted and welcomed, as we have a "come as you are" approach. And even though we believe in right and wrong, it is not our place to be judgmental, dictate, or impose on a client. No matter what the values of a client are, a good counselor will accept that client, and be a listener first. A counselor can never "fix" a problem or change someone, only the client can do that. A counselor that spends more time talking in sessions than his or her clients is probably missing out on important opportunities to understand and lead the client into a path of discovery. While there are certainly times that it may be appropriate to spend a lot of time advising a client, a good counselor is first a listener before being a speaker. A good counselor establishes a safe, collaborative relationship with the client and it is within the safety of this container that effective therapy takes place. A good counselor will guide, rather than judge. A good counselor will listen, rather than lecture. It is always the client, not the therapist, who must make the decisions regarding their life. The grounded counselor shows the way and provides the tools; the client must then make the choice and walk the path.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Trauma counseling
When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. - Author Unkown
What is Trauma and Traumatic Stress?
Trauma is an extremely subjective experience. What may be traumatic for one person may barely affect another. In a general sense though, trauma results when you experience excessive stress that overwhelms your emotional or physical ability to cope. While emotional trauma can result in the absence of any physical trauma, many times the two go hand-in-hand. For instance, the wounds from physical trauma like the loss of a limb or a gunshot wound, while an obvious shock to the body, will eventually heal. What the person is then left with, however, are the emotional wounds and repercussions of the actual traumatic event. Psychological trauma can last for many years, and if unresolved, can even become more devastating than the original traumatic event.
Millions of people affected each year by any number of traumas like natural disasters, fires, war, or even those that have no physical component such as the death of a friend or an acrimonious divorce or break up. The bottom line is, after the physical wounds heal, the majority of people are still left to deal with the psychological aftermath of these traumatic experiences. If left unchecked, these emotional wounds can quickly fester into serious lasting psychological issues. Through counseling and therapy however, you can learn to release these emotional binds and just as the physical wounds of trauma eventually heal, so will the psychological scars.
What Causes Psychological Trauma?
As horrific as the traumatic event may seem, it’s not actually the event itself that causes someone to become traumatized. It’s that person’s internal reaction to the event that determines the degree and intensity of their trauma. This is why two people can be in the same plane crash for example, and one person can go on with life as usual after the event but the other almost immediately falls to pieces. Both people experience the same event but their reactions to that event have very different psychological implications. Much of how someone reacts is directly related to their history, coping skills, and emotional stability at the time. We also now know that when you experience a traumatic event, the structure and functioning capabilities of your brain are physically affected.
There are any number of traumatic events, but generally, they are categorized as either one-time or single-incident events or repeated, long-term traumas. One-time traumas include such things as hurricanes, plane crashes, rape, robbery, or the death of somebody. These types of traumas can result from natural causes or be deliberately inflicted by another person. A long term trauma is the result of a prolonged horrific experience such as an individual held captive or one who is repeatedly abused. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a frequent result of long-term trauma.
What Are the Symptoms of Someone who has been Traumatized?
Traumatic experiences can produce emotional, cognitive, and physical repercussions. Emotionally, trauma victims can become anxious, depressed, fearful, and withdrawn. They can have recurring panic attacks. Mentally, if you have experienced a trauma you will likely also experience concentration problems; you could have problems remembering things, and feel distracted much of the time. In extreme cases, people experience flashbacks of the event, nightmares, amnesia, and intense feelings of guilt. Physically, many people have eating and sleeping problems. They are regularly exhausted and often, they develop unexplained chronic pain.
How Do I Know When to Get Help?
Trauma can affect anyone at any age. The effects can be mild or severe, creating extreme psychological issues. Any symptoms of trauma should be taken seriously. In some cases however, the effects of trauma can manifest months and even years after the event, so in actuality, it can be difficult to recognize the symptoms. Often people feel they are weak for needing help, especially when they compare themselves to others who may have endured the same traumatic experience. But it is important to remember that everyone reacts differently to trauma and there is no guideline as to how and what someone should feel. What we do know is that the sooner you deal with the symptoms of trauma, the better chance you have for a full recovery and to be free of the effects of these events. If left unresolved, emotional trauma can affect your daily choices and functioning and ultimately, it can manifest into serious psychological disorders with lasting effects. Just as we need help to heal the physical effects of trauma, we also need help to heal the emotional wounds. Counseling offers a safe and supportive environment to work through these issues.
Counseling for the Resolution of Trauma
Working with a Values-Based counselor to address the effects of a trauma can be a confusing and frightening task to begin. Whether the events occurred in childhood, five years ago, or last week, the impact of these troubling situations is not something we are taught how to resolve. Often, the thought of going through the events again and seemingly reliving the tragedy may appear more than we can bear. When you work with a Theravive counselor who has been professionally trained in the resolution for trauma, he or she understands this apprehension and is committed to working through these issues at whatever pace is comfortable and safe for you.
Many times, we learn how to cope and manage the symptoms of a trauma. Whether this is learning to calm ourselves when we experience a panic attack upon the reminder of an event, or seeking solace in our friends when we experience depression or sadness over the effects of the trauma. While these are important and helpful methods to manage the symptoms, a trauma counsellor focuses on resolution of the originating feelings and emotions that require coping skills into the future. If individuals have a lack of safety or security as a result of an event that left them exposed, vulnerable, or violated, trauma counseling begins by establishing a sense of safety for the individual.
The Importance of the Crisis Counselor
The trauma counsellor utilizes specialized techniques to identify and work through the emotions that have been internalized from the event. Often, individuals do not think “I should be afraid”, rather it becomes a state of being that is used to protect from potential harm. However, when this protection leaves the individual feeling anxious rather than safe, or sad about past events rather than focused on future possibilities, the coping mechanisms lose their usefulness. It is at this point that we see many individuals seek crisis counselling, as the current coping skills are no longer able to manage the symptoms. For some, this collapse of internal coping mechanisms can result in an emotional and psychological breakdown.
We provide and refer counselors specially trained in trauma counseling who work to resolve the negative emotions that remain from the experiences you endured. Freedom from the overwhelming emotions and feelings is possible resulting in fewer burdens and an ability reclaim your life and future.
.
What is Trauma and Traumatic Stress?
Trauma is an extremely subjective experience. What may be traumatic for one person may barely affect another. In a general sense though, trauma results when you experience excessive stress that overwhelms your emotional or physical ability to cope. While emotional trauma can result in the absence of any physical trauma, many times the two go hand-in-hand. For instance, the wounds from physical trauma like the loss of a limb or a gunshot wound, while an obvious shock to the body, will eventually heal. What the person is then left with, however, are the emotional wounds and repercussions of the actual traumatic event. Psychological trauma can last for many years, and if unresolved, can even become more devastating than the original traumatic event.
Millions of people affected each year by any number of traumas like natural disasters, fires, war, or even those that have no physical component such as the death of a friend or an acrimonious divorce or break up. The bottom line is, after the physical wounds heal, the majority of people are still left to deal with the psychological aftermath of these traumatic experiences. If left unchecked, these emotional wounds can quickly fester into serious lasting psychological issues. Through counseling and therapy however, you can learn to release these emotional binds and just as the physical wounds of trauma eventually heal, so will the psychological scars.
What Causes Psychological Trauma?
As horrific as the traumatic event may seem, it’s not actually the event itself that causes someone to become traumatized. It’s that person’s internal reaction to the event that determines the degree and intensity of their trauma. This is why two people can be in the same plane crash for example, and one person can go on with life as usual after the event but the other almost immediately falls to pieces. Both people experience the same event but their reactions to that event have very different psychological implications. Much of how someone reacts is directly related to their history, coping skills, and emotional stability at the time. We also now know that when you experience a traumatic event, the structure and functioning capabilities of your brain are physically affected.
There are any number of traumatic events, but generally, they are categorized as either one-time or single-incident events or repeated, long-term traumas. One-time traumas include such things as hurricanes, plane crashes, rape, robbery, or the death of somebody. These types of traumas can result from natural causes or be deliberately inflicted by another person. A long term trauma is the result of a prolonged horrific experience such as an individual held captive or one who is repeatedly abused. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a frequent result of long-term trauma.
What Are the Symptoms of Someone who has been Traumatized?
Traumatic experiences can produce emotional, cognitive, and physical repercussions. Emotionally, trauma victims can become anxious, depressed, fearful, and withdrawn. They can have recurring panic attacks. Mentally, if you have experienced a trauma you will likely also experience concentration problems; you could have problems remembering things, and feel distracted much of the time. In extreme cases, people experience flashbacks of the event, nightmares, amnesia, and intense feelings of guilt. Physically, many people have eating and sleeping problems. They are regularly exhausted and often, they develop unexplained chronic pain.
How Do I Know When to Get Help?
Trauma can affect anyone at any age. The effects can be mild or severe, creating extreme psychological issues. Any symptoms of trauma should be taken seriously. In some cases however, the effects of trauma can manifest months and even years after the event, so in actuality, it can be difficult to recognize the symptoms. Often people feel they are weak for needing help, especially when they compare themselves to others who may have endured the same traumatic experience. But it is important to remember that everyone reacts differently to trauma and there is no guideline as to how and what someone should feel. What we do know is that the sooner you deal with the symptoms of trauma, the better chance you have for a full recovery and to be free of the effects of these events. If left unresolved, emotional trauma can affect your daily choices and functioning and ultimately, it can manifest into serious psychological disorders with lasting effects. Just as we need help to heal the physical effects of trauma, we also need help to heal the emotional wounds. Counseling offers a safe and supportive environment to work through these issues.
Counseling for the Resolution of Trauma
Working with a Values-Based counselor to address the effects of a trauma can be a confusing and frightening task to begin. Whether the events occurred in childhood, five years ago, or last week, the impact of these troubling situations is not something we are taught how to resolve. Often, the thought of going through the events again and seemingly reliving the tragedy may appear more than we can bear. When you work with a Theravive counselor who has been professionally trained in the resolution for trauma, he or she understands this apprehension and is committed to working through these issues at whatever pace is comfortable and safe for you.
Many times, we learn how to cope and manage the symptoms of a trauma. Whether this is learning to calm ourselves when we experience a panic attack upon the reminder of an event, or seeking solace in our friends when we experience depression or sadness over the effects of the trauma. While these are important and helpful methods to manage the symptoms, a trauma counsellor focuses on resolution of the originating feelings and emotions that require coping skills into the future. If individuals have a lack of safety or security as a result of an event that left them exposed, vulnerable, or violated, trauma counseling begins by establishing a sense of safety for the individual.
The Importance of the Crisis Counselor
The trauma counsellor utilizes specialized techniques to identify and work through the emotions that have been internalized from the event. Often, individuals do not think “I should be afraid”, rather it becomes a state of being that is used to protect from potential harm. However, when this protection leaves the individual feeling anxious rather than safe, or sad about past events rather than focused on future possibilities, the coping mechanisms lose their usefulness. It is at this point that we see many individuals seek crisis counselling, as the current coping skills are no longer able to manage the symptoms. For some, this collapse of internal coping mechanisms can result in an emotional and psychological breakdown.
We provide and refer counselors specially trained in trauma counseling who work to resolve the negative emotions that remain from the experiences you endured. Freedom from the overwhelming emotions and feelings is possible resulting in fewer burdens and an ability reclaim your life and future.
.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
孩子犯错怎么办?
许多父母都爱问这句话。世上没有十全十美的孩子,除非你能做到十全十美的父母。孩子都是从错中学习。许多父母就是犯了—个毛病就是忘了自己也曾经做过小孩子,一旦发现孩子有犯错行为,不知如何处理,往往造成了巨大的压力。除了加倍处罚外,也想不到更佳的方法了。处罚,不是不可以, 但如果方法不对,孩子不但没有从错中学习反而会变本加励.外罚,一定要有教育的成份,让孩子能明白与觉悟自己的错误行为.
我时常接到父母的投诉关于孩子的犯错行为,最普通的就是偷钱与说谎. 其他也包括懒惰, 不爱学习等. 更严重的是滥交损友,学习不良好的习惯如抽烟,赌博,吸毒等. 处理的方法也各有差别这期我只针对偷钱的问题, 会偷钱的小孩子—定会说谎. 许多关于孩子犯错的问题不是三言两语就能解答。更不能在很短的时间内,开出一个良方就可以解决孩子偷钱的问题.
首先我要了解孩子的成长过程, 是否他家人也有这种坏习惯. 有时大人的所做所为形成居广了孩子学习的榜样。比如说, 我的学校有位同学数次被捉到偷钱. 校方便请他的母亲来检讨这问题. 卻没想到孩子的妈一点也不警讶, 还说: “他偷了多少钱?我赔!” 过后这位同学被叫来见我, 经过盘问, 据了解原来偷钱对他来说亚不是什么大不了的事情.他的母亲也时常偷公私的东西回家. 这种不诚实的行为让孩子看到了, 自然的对偷盗这种行为不觉得有什么不妥。可见得父母是孩子的傍样。
这里要讲到的是父母的价值现 。有时父母对诈骗或偷窃案件作出一些评语反映出父母的对此事的立场。若在那儿听到或报张的报导有关类式的新闻时，便半开玩笑地说出做些评语：“要做就做大单的就说你励害！”。类式的评语对孩子来讲这是一个很矛盾的价值观，到底诈骗或偷窃是对还是错呢？所以，要孩子不偷窃，做父母的要坚定立场，撤底地反对这种行为。遇到类式的新闻报导时就要刻意对家人说：“这是一种不道德的行为，捉到不但要坐牢，連累到父母家人也失去尊严。”一个有尊严的孩子，必定不会做出让他或家人丢脸的事情，所以父母必要栽培孩子的自尊心。一方面也要栽培良好的行为及善良的心。教孩子佈施，多做善事，帮助贫苦人家。多在孩子面前赞扬好人，让孩子清楚善恶之分。
対于有偷钱行为的孩子，父母必须明白他偷钱的原因何在；是不是他很需要某些东西而父母必定拒绝反対？或者他是有心理问题，每次偷窃成功就感到很刺激？也有可能他在外面做出一些隐瞒父母的事情。不管是什么理由，一旦发现孩子有偷钱的习惯，父母要把钱财收好。必免贪念起成了诱惑。
发现钱不见了，父母先不要太激动。也不要马上指定是孩子偷。先暗示你已经知道这件事。叫他来盘问时，必须单獨和他谈，不要惊动全部人。这是为了不要摧毁孩子的自尊心。要明白孩子是很在乎你对他的信任，你一旦宣布对他已失去信任，他以后也没有必対你诚实。如果孩子承认过错，不要立刻打他，因为这样你会鼓励他说谎。先赞扬他的诚实，才惩罚他。惩罚的方法很多，不一定是体责。比如说：扣他的零用钱，罚他做家务，暂时沒收他喜爱的东西等。最重要的是你要让他明白他的行为是错的。也许你会问我，如果孩子偷钱已成了爱好怎么办？打都打了，骂也骂了，还是有这个毛病，应该如何处理呢？为了消除偷窃的刺激感，我本身惯用的方法是把一合散钱放在某地方，然后对他说：你如果不夠钱用就在这里拿，让我知道你要買什么就行了。结果，孩子会失去了那种刺激感，也没必要偷了。我盡量必免用“偷” 那个字眼，因为我不想扁低孩子的人格。我预先对每个孩子说，如果需要钱可以和我商量。有时孩子的需求不合理，我就会和他妥协，让他明白家里的经濟狀况。且记住，不要每一次都拒绝他，导致他必要“偷” 才能满足需求。在这方面父母也可以栽培孩子节俭的习惯，鼓励他们存钱。我时常和孩子讨论家庭的情况，有时爭求他们的竟见，培养他们的责任感，这样他们才不会做出対家庭有伤害的事。
我时常接到父母的投诉关于孩子的犯错行为,最普通的就是偷钱与说谎. 其他也包括懒惰, 不爱学习等. 更严重的是滥交损友,学习不良好的习惯如抽烟,赌博,吸毒等. 处理的方法也各有差别这期我只针对偷钱的问题, 会偷钱的小孩子—定会说谎. 许多关于孩子犯错的问题不是三言两语就能解答。更不能在很短的时间内,开出一个良方就可以解决孩子偷钱的问题.
首先我要了解孩子的成长过程, 是否他家人也有这种坏习惯. 有时大人的所做所为形成居广了孩子学习的榜样。比如说, 我的学校有位同学数次被捉到偷钱. 校方便请他的母亲来检讨这问题. 卻没想到孩子的妈一点也不警讶, 还说: “他偷了多少钱?我赔!” 过后这位同学被叫来见我, 经过盘问, 据了解原来偷钱对他来说亚不是什么大不了的事情.他的母亲也时常偷公私的东西回家. 这种不诚实的行为让孩子看到了, 自然的对偷盗这种行为不觉得有什么不妥。可见得父母是孩子的傍样。
这里要讲到的是父母的价值现 。有时父母对诈骗或偷窃案件作出一些评语反映出父母的对此事的立场。若在那儿听到或报张的报导有关类式的新闻时，便半开玩笑地说出做些评语：“要做就做大单的就说你励害！”。类式的评语对孩子来讲这是一个很矛盾的价值观，到底诈骗或偷窃是对还是错呢？所以，要孩子不偷窃，做父母的要坚定立场，撤底地反对这种行为。遇到类式的新闻报导时就要刻意对家人说：“这是一种不道德的行为，捉到不但要坐牢，連累到父母家人也失去尊严。”一个有尊严的孩子，必定不会做出让他或家人丢脸的事情，所以父母必要栽培孩子的自尊心。一方面也要栽培良好的行为及善良的心。教孩子佈施，多做善事，帮助贫苦人家。多在孩子面前赞扬好人，让孩子清楚善恶之分。
対于有偷钱行为的孩子，父母必须明白他偷钱的原因何在；是不是他很需要某些东西而父母必定拒绝反対？或者他是有心理问题，每次偷窃成功就感到很刺激？也有可能他在外面做出一些隐瞒父母的事情。不管是什么理由，一旦发现孩子有偷钱的习惯，父母要把钱财收好。必免贪念起成了诱惑。
发现钱不见了，父母先不要太激动。也不要马上指定是孩子偷。先暗示你已经知道这件事。叫他来盘问时，必须单獨和他谈，不要惊动全部人。这是为了不要摧毁孩子的自尊心。要明白孩子是很在乎你对他的信任，你一旦宣布对他已失去信任，他以后也没有必対你诚实。如果孩子承认过错，不要立刻打他，因为这样你会鼓励他说谎。先赞扬他的诚实，才惩罚他。惩罚的方法很多，不一定是体责。比如说：扣他的零用钱，罚他做家务，暂时沒收他喜爱的东西等。最重要的是你要让他明白他的行为是错的。也许你会问我，如果孩子偷钱已成了爱好怎么办？打都打了，骂也骂了，还是有这个毛病，应该如何处理呢？为了消除偷窃的刺激感，我本身惯用的方法是把一合散钱放在某地方，然后对他说：你如果不夠钱用就在这里拿，让我知道你要買什么就行了。结果，孩子会失去了那种刺激感，也没必要偷了。我盡量必免用“偷” 那个字眼，因为我不想扁低孩子的人格。我预先对每个孩子说，如果需要钱可以和我商量。有时孩子的需求不合理，我就会和他妥协，让他明白家里的经濟狀况。且记住，不要每一次都拒绝他，导致他必要“偷” 才能满足需求。在这方面父母也可以栽培孩子节俭的习惯，鼓励他们存钱。我时常和孩子讨论家庭的情况，有时爭求他们的竟见，培养他们的责任感，这样他们才不会做出対家庭有伤害的事。
滥交不是自由
一位離家出走，芳龄才十四岁的少女发个信息给我：“老師，我離开家了因为我要自由。” 出身于单亲家庭的丽莎是个问题学生。因为滥交和亂花钱，与母亲时常发生冲击。最后母亲已心灰意冷了，已不再管她。“老师，让她去吧！我已经精疲力竭，徹底的失败，这孩子我沒有办法管教。”每天与男孩子结班成群地在外头遊义不919必急着要长大荡，不到三更不回来。还有她的电话一百元可以在一个星期内用光。母亲限制她，她说母亲没有给她自由。
许多离家出走的个案,多数以寻求自由为理由. 然而,自由是什么来东西呢? 相信这些少女未曾能真正了解。自由是出於内心,—种轻松没有约束的感受。但这未必是一件好事。人不可能有绝对的自由,为了必免人会滥用自由去侵犯别人或伤害自己, 自由必须有限制性的。一个未成年的少女未能辨别好坏,对与错的，更不知外面人心多险恶. 明知山中有虎,难到爱你的父母还是让你向虎上山行吗?不管母亲如何歉告，丽莎不但没有改过，反而更变本加励。两个人已不能再沟通。许多人似丽莎—样,只顾贪玩, 寻求刺激, 加上色情的诱惑; 无知的少女还以为自己踏上了伟大的爱情…这一切己足够限制自由的理由. 如果你的所唯自由是滥交,浪费金钱与时间, 还有学习不良好行为; 这不是自由,是愚蠢, 是无知! 最后是短送了自己的前途.
有些错可以更改, 但有些错永远没有机会更改. 古人说: —失足成千古恨聚. 许多青少年生在福中不知福. 不要急着要长大, 那日子—定会来锦工9给框9哪时续你将会明白至真的自由.
许多离家出走的个案,多数以寻求自由为理由. 然而,自由是什么来东西呢? 相信这些少女未曾能真正了解。自由是出於内心,—种轻松没有约束的感受。但这未必是一件好事。人不可能有绝对的自由,为了必免人会滥用自由去侵犯别人或伤害自己, 自由必须有限制性的。一个未成年的少女未能辨别好坏,对与错的，更不知外面人心多险恶. 明知山中有虎,难到爱你的父母还是让你向虎上山行吗?不管母亲如何歉告，丽莎不但没有改过，反而更变本加励。两个人已不能再沟通。许多人似丽莎—样,只顾贪玩, 寻求刺激, 加上色情的诱惑; 无知的少女还以为自己踏上了伟大的爱情…这一切己足够限制自由的理由. 如果你的所唯自由是滥交,浪费金钱与时间, 还有学习不良好行为; 这不是自由,是愚蠢, 是无知! 最后是短送了自己的前途.
有些错可以更改, 但有些错永远没有机会更改. 古人说: —失足成千古恨聚. 许多青少年生在福中不知福. 不要急着要长大, 那日子—定会来锦工9给框9哪时续你将会明白至真的自由.
望子成龙
有位母亲致电求救：“我的孩子最近变了，在学校时常不交功课，被同学发现他把功课藏在巴士上。” 我约他们面谈。小明，一个9岁的小男孩，黯淡的神色顯出他心中的忧愁。９岁的男孩应该是活泼、淘气、快乐的年齡，而小明卻那么沮丧，似有很多心事压住他。经过审查才了解小明的问题。
小明的妈剛与丈夫离婚，小明从小就由姑姑撫养。姑姑也是有工做，所以一早就得送小明去安亲班。一星期两次去另地方補英语和国语两科目。时间到了就从安亲班那边踏巴士上学校。本来是很圆满的安排，为何小明会出问题呢？
“学校的功课太多做不完，有时不明白不会做。”
“不明白为什么不问？”
“不敢问，老师很兇。” 小明的头更低了，淚水在眼角边。
“晚上在姑姑那边功课不能做完吗？” 他搖搖头，淚水就掉下来。我接着问：“早上在安亲班那边也可以做功课吧。” 小明搖头道：“安亲班的老师另有给功课，做学校的功课不能超过两本。”
“如果学校有功课做不完，而安亲班的老师也给功课，你选做那一个？” 出乎我意料，他答：“安亲班。” 理由是：“安亲班的老师更兇，做不完功课就中打。”
小明的故事反映出当今马来西亚千千萬萬个华裔儿童的悲哀。天下父母都很緊张孩子的教育问题，但又不懂得如何处理，以为多就是好。除了学校日常上课，还送孩子去各式各样的補习班。小学的功课是異常的多，这是大家都共认的事实。学校也有安排列外的補习班；还有课外活动等。相信小同学回来已经精疲力竭了，吃了飯马上趕做功课，不然会挨到三更半夜还不能做完。星期六、日还要去補习。曾经有位母亲投诉，“做到晚上两点，有些功课我叫他哥哥姐姐帮忙才能完成。” 当时那位母亲很生气。我心想，老师呀！你用心良苦，但得不赏识。是不是我们太认真了，忘了在学院读过的儿童心理学？我们大人在儿童身上施的压力，久之，孩子对学习起了厌恶心，想逃避学校生涯；因为学校给他太痛苦的感受。现在已不难看得到，许多中学生不肯求学，半途放棄的，华裔学生站大多数。像小明这样的年纪，我替他算算，一天大概要花上１５个钟头面对功课。试问大人，你能不能１５个钟头不停地工做？
那天我得空与大儿子闲聊，他说：“我记得小时候很快乐，妈妈时常帶我们去公园玩，去海边、去旅遊等。偶而我会梦到童年时代，心中那种喜悦还在。为什么现在的孩子那么悲哀？” 我开玩笑地回答他：“因为那时候的補习老师赚不到吃，沒有人要教補习。” 我的大儿子畢业于新加坡国立大学，现已获硕士学位，已成家立业。
父母要孩子快乐学习，且记千萬别施太大的压力。是否要補习看他本人需不需要。小学时代，父母花多些时间陪孩子学习〔如上期提过〕。上了中学可能有些科目孩子需要補助才让他去補习。最重要是要栽培孩子能自动自发，就不怕他不肯学习。
小明的妈剛与丈夫离婚，小明从小就由姑姑撫养。姑姑也是有工做，所以一早就得送小明去安亲班。一星期两次去另地方補英语和国语两科目。时间到了就从安亲班那边踏巴士上学校。本来是很圆满的安排，为何小明会出问题呢？
“学校的功课太多做不完，有时不明白不会做。”
“不明白为什么不问？”
“不敢问，老师很兇。” 小明的头更低了，淚水在眼角边。
“晚上在姑姑那边功课不能做完吗？” 他搖搖头，淚水就掉下来。我接着问：“早上在安亲班那边也可以做功课吧。” 小明搖头道：“安亲班的老师另有给功课，做学校的功课不能超过两本。”
“如果学校有功课做不完，而安亲班的老师也给功课，你选做那一个？” 出乎我意料，他答：“安亲班。” 理由是：“安亲班的老师更兇，做不完功课就中打。”
小明的故事反映出当今马来西亚千千萬萬个华裔儿童的悲哀。天下父母都很緊张孩子的教育问题，但又不懂得如何处理，以为多就是好。除了学校日常上课，还送孩子去各式各样的補习班。小学的功课是異常的多，这是大家都共认的事实。学校也有安排列外的補习班；还有课外活动等。相信小同学回来已经精疲力竭了，吃了飯马上趕做功课，不然会挨到三更半夜还不能做完。星期六、日还要去補习。曾经有位母亲投诉，“做到晚上两点，有些功课我叫他哥哥姐姐帮忙才能完成。” 当时那位母亲很生气。我心想，老师呀！你用心良苦，但得不赏识。是不是我们太认真了，忘了在学院读过的儿童心理学？我们大人在儿童身上施的压力，久之，孩子对学习起了厌恶心，想逃避学校生涯；因为学校给他太痛苦的感受。现在已不难看得到，许多中学生不肯求学，半途放棄的，华裔学生站大多数。像小明这样的年纪，我替他算算，一天大概要花上１５个钟头面对功课。试问大人，你能不能１５个钟头不停地工做？
那天我得空与大儿子闲聊，他说：“我记得小时候很快乐，妈妈时常帶我们去公园玩，去海边、去旅遊等。偶而我会梦到童年时代，心中那种喜悦还在。为什么现在的孩子那么悲哀？” 我开玩笑地回答他：“因为那时候的補习老师赚不到吃，沒有人要教補习。” 我的大儿子畢业于新加坡国立大学，现已获硕士学位，已成家立业。
父母要孩子快乐学习，且记千萬别施太大的压力。是否要補习看他本人需不需要。小学时代，父母花多些时间陪孩子学习〔如上期提过〕。上了中学可能有些科目孩子需要補助才让他去補习。最重要是要栽培孩子能自动自发，就不怕他不肯学习。
美满婚姻的需求
大明31岁, 工程师. 美娜27岁,书记. 网上交友认识. 交往数月决定同居.同居两年才结婚。婚后育有两子女。女儿3岁,儿子2个多月。婚后两年,生活还算甜蜜, 第三年起, 大明开始对美娜不满。他觉得美娜很懒,不肯做家务,更不会,煮食。大明放工回来,不但吃不到老婆煮的佳肴,还必须自己下厨, 老婆呢,躺在沙发看电观。家里更不用说乱七八糟了。大明从忍耐到埋怨,埋怨到生气,也改变不了美娜的作风。理由是,美娜不认为自己有错。从小到大,她的父母没要求过她做家务,一切都由佣人包办,没必要自己动手。大明这样的要求是想把她当成免费佣人。而大明出身在一个传统家庭,习惯了女人除了要相夫教子,出得厅堂也要入得厨房。
起初美娜也依他每次放工回来赶着煮吃, 不到几久,她感到很累。放工回来己经精疲力倦,还要做家务, 美娜觉得这样不公平, 因为大家都—样在外工做, 为什么只有女人要负担家务。第—次吵驾为了这个问题。为了解决问题,他们请了一个印尼女佣。两个孩子还是给保母带。第二个孩子出世后,开销也增加了。大明认为美娜应该负责一些费用。美娜不干心,她认为尊尼无权管她的钱财。就这样一天小吵两天大吵, 两个人开始很少谈话。这情况维持到六个月之久。
导火线那天是因为女儿耍脾气不肯吃饭, 大明顺手拿起滕鞭恐吓她,美娜就赶快抱走她。每想到大明既然生气, 叫美娜不要插手他管教孩子,不然连美娜也一起打。美娜不依, 大明就挥鞭打下去,打中了女儿的脚和老婆的手。这回事情可闹大了,第二天, 大明造常出去工做,回来时发现老婆孩子都不见了。后来获知被外家带走了。临走前还去报警,控他以暴力对待妻女。大明可吃不下这口气, 又警告,又恐吓,弄到事情更疆。大明的岳母致电马华辅导中心求救。
了解状况后, 分析他们的问题。最重要的观点是双方是想要怎样。大明表明他不想离婚,而美娜也诚认还爱尊尼, 只是失去了对他的信心。辅导的枝能, 不是帮他们解决问题, 而是在过程中引导他们思考发掘问题的根源, 以客观的角度理解整个事件后,自己找出解决方案。
俩个人一旦结了婚,就必须明白婚后的责任。俩个人既然决定要生活在一起,就得放下以前的生活习惯,因为以前的习惯可能已经不实合现在的环境。婚姻,是俩个人一起走的路。不论是钱财也好,家务也好,大家一起来分担。现代己经是男女平等的时代,许多伟统观念已经受淘汰。在管教孩子方面,夫妻必须拥手合作。多些向成功人士学习。外面有不少类式书报及心理学家的名作品可做参考。管教孩子,千万不可情绪化。打孩子若有发拽的动机会造成大错。而且法律上也不容许家长以暴力对代儿童。爱情,如一颗种子,婚姻是长出的苗。要开花结果是靠不断的灌概栽培,才会幸福美满。
张锦璇硕士
马华关丹区会辅导主任
彭亨马华志工团辅导主任
电话: 095171525/ 0129883060
起初美娜也依他每次放工回来赶着煮吃, 不到几久,她感到很累。放工回来己经精疲力倦,还要做家务, 美娜觉得这样不公平, 因为大家都—样在外工做, 为什么只有女人要负担家务。第—次吵驾为了这个问题。为了解决问题,他们请了一个印尼女佣。两个孩子还是给保母带。第二个孩子出世后,开销也增加了。大明认为美娜应该负责一些费用。美娜不干心,她认为尊尼无权管她的钱财。就这样一天小吵两天大吵, 两个人开始很少谈话。这情况维持到六个月之久。
导火线那天是因为女儿耍脾气不肯吃饭, 大明顺手拿起滕鞭恐吓她,美娜就赶快抱走她。每想到大明既然生气, 叫美娜不要插手他管教孩子,不然连美娜也一起打。美娜不依, 大明就挥鞭打下去,打中了女儿的脚和老婆的手。这回事情可闹大了,第二天, 大明造常出去工做,回来时发现老婆孩子都不见了。后来获知被外家带走了。临走前还去报警,控他以暴力对待妻女。大明可吃不下这口气, 又警告,又恐吓,弄到事情更疆。大明的岳母致电马华辅导中心求救。
了解状况后, 分析他们的问题。最重要的观点是双方是想要怎样。大明表明他不想离婚,而美娜也诚认还爱尊尼, 只是失去了对他的信心。辅导的枝能, 不是帮他们解决问题, 而是在过程中引导他们思考发掘问题的根源, 以客观的角度理解整个事件后,自己找出解决方案。
俩个人一旦结了婚,就必须明白婚后的责任。俩个人既然决定要生活在一起,就得放下以前的生活习惯,因为以前的习惯可能已经不实合现在的环境。婚姻,是俩个人一起走的路。不论是钱财也好,家务也好,大家一起来分担。现代己经是男女平等的时代,许多伟统观念已经受淘汰。在管教孩子方面,夫妻必须拥手合作。多些向成功人士学习。外面有不少类式书报及心理学家的名作品可做参考。管教孩子,千万不可情绪化。打孩子若有发拽的动机会造成大错。而且法律上也不容许家长以暴力对代儿童。爱情,如一颗种子,婚姻是长出的苗。要开花结果是靠不断的灌概栽培,才会幸福美满。
张锦璇硕士
马华关丹区会辅导主任
彭亨马华志工团辅导主任
电话: 095171525/ 0129883060
十六岁的优愁
十六岁，花般的年龄，经过一次失恋，小梅就企图自杀,不果, 整日关闭自己，不肯上学。小梅对人生已经绝望。出生在小康之家，上有兄长下有弟妹，家庭人员也和谐相处，怎样猜也猜不出她悲观的理由。那天我收到小梅的信息：“老师，你说死亡是什么颜色？我说是白色。对我来讲,死,只是一个解脱。” 我立刻回息：”死, 没有颜色，像水晶般，那就是你父母白爱你十六年的眼淚。”
人生不要错过。人从生到死都要经过不同的阶段。，每个阶段都在演不同的角色。十六岁应该是在学校求学，準備考试。这时候是的你该立下目标在策划未来的时候。求学的日子只有是短短的十几年，但这十几年的努力将确定往后五十年的日子。得空时,请你注意你身边的人，你该发现到你身边是有很多朋友, 还有不少关心你及爱你的人。你可以和他们生活在一起,享受人生。十六岁的人生冲满活力，是人生最烂滥的年代。小梅，不管你有什么挫折，你可以信赖身边的父母，他们才是世界上最爱你的人。你的失恋，也不算是真正的失恋，必盡、你们也没有真正恋爱过。真爱,是能经得起考验的。真爱一?慎
处于这个年龄的少男女情怀初开.第一次喜欢上异性朋友, 以为就此能天长地久。太天真了!所以像小梅这种内向的女孩女会受伤得很利害。类式的问题也是当今许多父母面对及担心的问题。若不小心处理,会造成大错。
做父母,不要以为你心中的宝贝永远长不大。要多注意孩子成长的过程,特别是心理的需求。这时候的孩子心灵开始有变化, 对朋友亲过对父母。因为父母”不能了解他们的代心.”所以偶而父母必需扮演朋友的角色, 多与他们沟通。父母要有耐心聆听他们诉说, —方面也必需教育他们关于成长各方面的变化, 如性教育等。这个时期的孩子的心灵很复杂, 而且很柔盾。他们是懂非懂。有很多问题想知道又不敢问父母。许多早熟的孩子与父母沟通问题有关。基本上每个人都要人爱, 如果在家感受不到爱, 那么他们就在外面寻找爱。所以父母时时要谨慎他们的暗示, 一旦发现孩子开始有爱人, 也不必太大惊小怪, 要提醒他们关于他们现在的处景,前途及目标。让他们明白自己的心。
人生不要错过。人从生到死都要经过不同的阶段。，每个阶段都在演不同的角色。十六岁应该是在学校求学，準備考试。这时候是的你该立下目标在策划未来的时候。求学的日子只有是短短的十几年，但这十几年的努力将确定往后五十年的日子。得空时,请你注意你身边的人，你该发现到你身边是有很多朋友, 还有不少关心你及爱你的人。你可以和他们生活在一起,享受人生。十六岁的人生冲满活力，是人生最烂滥的年代。小梅，不管你有什么挫折，你可以信赖身边的父母，他们才是世界上最爱你的人。你的失恋，也不算是真正的失恋，必盡、你们也没有真正恋爱过。真爱,是能经得起考验的。真爱一?慎
处于这个年龄的少男女情怀初开.第一次喜欢上异性朋友, 以为就此能天长地久。太天真了!所以像小梅这种内向的女孩女会受伤得很利害。类式的问题也是当今许多父母面对及担心的问题。若不小心处理,会造成大错。
做父母,不要以为你心中的宝贝永远长不大。要多注意孩子成长的过程,特别是心理的需求。这时候的孩子心灵开始有变化, 对朋友亲过对父母。因为父母”不能了解他们的代心.”所以偶而父母必需扮演朋友的角色, 多与他们沟通。父母要有耐心聆听他们诉说, —方面也必需教育他们关于成长各方面的变化, 如性教育等。这个时期的孩子的心灵很复杂, 而且很柔盾。他们是懂非懂。有很多问题想知道又不敢问父母。许多早熟的孩子与父母沟通问题有关。基本上每个人都要人爱, 如果在家感受不到爱, 那么他们就在外面寻找爱。所以父母时时要谨慎他们的暗示, 一旦发现孩子开始有爱人, 也不必太大惊小怪, 要提醒他们关于他们现在的处景,前途及目标。让他们明白自己的心。
Jenny
这是—个很辣手的个案。珍妮十岁时己经开始学坏,她学会抽烟,偷钱, 说谎,滥交和用暴力。她父亲在她没出世前已经和母亲离婚. 母亲管教不到,十三岁就送她进私人感化院。在感化院里认识—位阿姐;不到三个月阿姐带她逃走。逃到一个市镇,那边有人接手,带她们去赚钱。除了接客,她还学会吸毒。什么毒品都试过,包括大麻,白粉,冰毒及摇头丸。三个星期后又给人找回来,回到母亲身边。—个小女孩怎么会变成那么坏呢?
珍妮小时候,母亲在酒廊工作. 珍妮时常去酒廊等母亲.五颜六彩的生活无意中引响了珍妮的心里成长。在酒廊里有位安娣偷偷教珍妮吸烟. 她开始学坏,母亲没有法子就处罚 她.处罚的方式有许多, 包括用棍打,用有刺的树枝打, 用狗链及用烟蒂等. 她被妈妈打后心里很柔盾, 想哭又 想笑。哭的是皮肉痛, 笑的是能弄到妈妈生气。
我头一次见珍妮的时候,她的样子像二十多岁的女人, 然而他才十三岁。她说,人生没有什么意义,可以说是绝望.有想过自杀但没有勇气. 她很想离家出走。虽然那一段日子很堕落,但总比家里快乐的多。母亲动不动就打开大门赶她出去. 她也离家无数次, 但一到街头,走投无路,在外面又冷又饿, 最后还是走回家。珍妮说,她在这个世界是多余的。所以她只想今天,没想过明天。每—次中毒打, 她会起报复的心.她说,我一定要弄妈妈更心痛. 有一句话妈妈打她时括在嘴边讲: “爸爸不要我就是因为你带来的衰运. 你是扫巴星.” 这句话令珍妮很伤心,自责. 她对我说:”老师, 我—出世就是罪人,干吗要我做好人.”
孩子犯错了怎么办? 我会在下期深入讨论这个话题。这期只谈珍妮的个案。每个孩子需要爱。天下父母那个不爱孩子呢? 许多父母以为自己很爱孩子, 但他们爱错了. 爱, 如果不懂, 会变成宠爱或逆爱. 宠爱会导至孩子变坏. 逆爱也会起反效果. 怎样爱孩子才能令孩子感受到你的爱。我们华人的传统观念是, 因为爱你, 才打你. 或打你是因为要教你. 往往父母打孩子时会失控, 变成毒打.相信珍妮的母亲为了珍妮, 受很大的压力. 才以暴力对待珍妮. 珍妮身理的痛远不如心里的痛。珍妮说,她感受不到妈妈的爱. , 珍妮的成长过程没有感受过温心的爱, 叫她如何懂得去爱别人或爱自己呢?
爱要表达出来. 许多人爱在心头囗难开. 我曾问过许多同学: “你们能感受到父母的爱吗?”许多会说, 好像有又好像没有, 理由是, 他们没说过爱我, 不开囗还好,—开口就骂人. 如果你要孩子有爱心就要用爱来栽培他. 除了言语的表达, 还要给他一个触感, 列,拥抱, 握握他的手, 摸摸头等. 对孩子说: 孩子,妈妈疼你.爱的话题,也是长篇大论.在这在里我简单地说,爱,在适当的时候,必要说出来. 爱孩子,不要有条件. 有条件的爱会起柔盾心. 爱,能令—个人感到温馨. 在爱的栽培下, 孩子对自己才有信心. 有信心的人, 对人生充满希望. 这样他才清楚自己要走的方向.这里我做一个比较, 为什么有些孩子爱读书而有些却不爱读书. 道理很简单,第一类的孩子清楚他的人生目标而第二类孩子却没有目标。—个有目标的孩子对人生有价值观, —个有价值感的孩子才会有自尊, 懂得分辨对与错。如果珍妮是有自尊的孩子她就不会做出那些伤人害已的事。
我用很长的时间辅导珍妮。起初和她建立关系,后用同理心听她诉说, 分析问题的根原. 让她挖掘自己解决问题的潜能. 后我灌输道德观念,再社立人生目标. 我也拜访她母亲设法了解她们之间的沟通问题. 我不敢说—定会成功,不过目前珍妮在努力改邪归正. 她和母亲的关系也促渐好转. 她和同年的女孩子一起游戏,—起上课, 真希望她能快乐成长。
生孩子要栽培,不是给她温饱就算了,孩子需要大人的爱才会安全感有安全感的孩子才有自信心了有了信言心才会有木板入9标了解
珍妮小时候,母亲在酒廊工作. 珍妮时常去酒廊等母亲.五颜六彩的生活无意中引响了珍妮的心里成长。在酒廊里有位安娣偷偷教珍妮吸烟. 她开始学坏,母亲没有法子就处罚 她.处罚的方式有许多, 包括用棍打,用有刺的树枝打, 用狗链及用烟蒂等. 她被妈妈打后心里很柔盾, 想哭又 想笑。哭的是皮肉痛, 笑的是能弄到妈妈生气。
我头一次见珍妮的时候,她的样子像二十多岁的女人, 然而他才十三岁。她说,人生没有什么意义,可以说是绝望.有想过自杀但没有勇气. 她很想离家出走。虽然那一段日子很堕落,但总比家里快乐的多。母亲动不动就打开大门赶她出去. 她也离家无数次, 但一到街头,走投无路,在外面又冷又饿, 最后还是走回家。珍妮说,她在这个世界是多余的。所以她只想今天,没想过明天。每—次中毒打, 她会起报复的心.她说,我一定要弄妈妈更心痛. 有一句话妈妈打她时括在嘴边讲: “爸爸不要我就是因为你带来的衰运. 你是扫巴星.” 这句话令珍妮很伤心,自责. 她对我说:”老师, 我—出世就是罪人,干吗要我做好人.”
孩子犯错了怎么办? 我会在下期深入讨论这个话题。这期只谈珍妮的个案。每个孩子需要爱。天下父母那个不爱孩子呢? 许多父母以为自己很爱孩子, 但他们爱错了. 爱, 如果不懂, 会变成宠爱或逆爱. 宠爱会导至孩子变坏. 逆爱也会起反效果. 怎样爱孩子才能令孩子感受到你的爱。我们华人的传统观念是, 因为爱你, 才打你. 或打你是因为要教你. 往往父母打孩子时会失控, 变成毒打.相信珍妮的母亲为了珍妮, 受很大的压力. 才以暴力对待珍妮. 珍妮身理的痛远不如心里的痛。珍妮说,她感受不到妈妈的爱. , 珍妮的成长过程没有感受过温心的爱, 叫她如何懂得去爱别人或爱自己呢?
爱要表达出来. 许多人爱在心头囗难开. 我曾问过许多同学: “你们能感受到父母的爱吗?”许多会说, 好像有又好像没有, 理由是, 他们没说过爱我, 不开囗还好,—开口就骂人. 如果你要孩子有爱心就要用爱来栽培他. 除了言语的表达, 还要给他一个触感, 列,拥抱, 握握他的手, 摸摸头等. 对孩子说: 孩子,妈妈疼你.爱的话题,也是长篇大论.在这在里我简单地说,爱,在适当的时候,必要说出来. 爱孩子,不要有条件. 有条件的爱会起柔盾心. 爱,能令—个人感到温馨. 在爱的栽培下, 孩子对自己才有信心. 有信心的人, 对人生充满希望. 这样他才清楚自己要走的方向.这里我做一个比较, 为什么有些孩子爱读书而有些却不爱读书. 道理很简单,第一类的孩子清楚他的人生目标而第二类孩子却没有目标。—个有目标的孩子对人生有价值观, —个有价值感的孩子才会有自尊, 懂得分辨对与错。如果珍妮是有自尊的孩子她就不会做出那些伤人害已的事。
我用很长的时间辅导珍妮。起初和她建立关系,后用同理心听她诉说, 分析问题的根原. 让她挖掘自己解决问题的潜能. 后我灌输道德观念,再社立人生目标. 我也拜访她母亲设法了解她们之间的沟通问题. 我不敢说—定会成功,不过目前珍妮在努力改邪归正. 她和母亲的关系也促渐好转. 她和同年的女孩子一起游戏,—起上课, 真希望她能快乐成长。
生孩子要栽培,不是给她温饱就算了,孩子需要大人的爱才会安全感有安全感的孩子才有自信心了有了信言心才会有木板入9标了解
Monday, March 9, 2009
Get yourself out from other people's mind
I was attending to a case whereby a lady claimed that her suffering was due to her boyfriend who tortured her mentally . How could this happen? Well this is how the story goes.
" Sometimes I wanted to be just with my children, but if I don't invite him , he probably will think that I am trying to leave him out. But when he turns up, I feel hatred and annoyed at the sight of his appearance."
"I planned to go back for Chinese New Year, but if I go, he might think that I want to runaway from him, I stay back but felt very upset about the matter, what should I do?"
"I can't even make new friends, if I do he probably think that I am trying to push him away?"
So, What is wrong with this lady? Yes, she is living in other people's mind. She worries too much about what other people might think...
1. You are not bond to this person, why cares...let him think what he wants to think, you must do what you think is good and right for you.
2. You cannot stop other people from thinking , let it be..
3 Be genuine, just be yourself, learn to say 'NO' when necessary. Let put yourself the first priority, other people , NEXT.
Lets jump out from his mind, if you don't love him , say so. No need to be over obliging,especially in the interpersonal relationship matter. Many people are not happy because they are not genuine, they try to please others and fulfill other people's wishes.
" Sometimes I wanted to be just with my children, but if I don't invite him , he probably will think that I am trying to leave him out. But when he turns up, I feel hatred and annoyed at the sight of his appearance."
"I planned to go back for Chinese New Year, but if I go, he might think that I want to runaway from him, I stay back but felt very upset about the matter, what should I do?"
"I can't even make new friends, if I do he probably think that I am trying to push him away?"
So, What is wrong with this lady? Yes, she is living in other people's mind. She worries too much about what other people might think...
1. You are not bond to this person, why cares...let him think what he wants to think, you must do what you think is good and right for you.
2. You cannot stop other people from thinking , let it be..
3 Be genuine, just be yourself, learn to say 'NO' when necessary. Let put yourself the first priority, other people , NEXT.
Lets jump out from his mind, if you don't love him , say so. No need to be over obliging,especially in the interpersonal relationship matter. Many people are not happy because they are not genuine, they try to please others and fulfill other people's wishes.
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