Racial politics and Brain Drain

Posted By Dr.HSU

The most important asset of a country is not its natural resources, but rather human resources. This is especially true in a knowledge based economy, which of course will be the trend in future if not already the trend in most of the westerncountries.
My daughter, who is in her final year medicine in Auckland, told me that a team of Singapore recruitment officers have just visited Auckland and talked to the Malaysian students there, offering job and training prospect for the final year students once they graduate. My daughter also told me that over the last few years, quite a lot of her Malaysian seniors, after graduating from medical courses in NZ, have gone to Singapore to work as house-officers and subsequently stayed back in Singapore for their postgraduate training.
Similar teams are sent to Australia and UK for recruiting Malaysians there to work in Singapore.
About a year ago, in one of the articles in Reuters, this was reported:
Malaysia is counting on bright, ambitious people like Tan Chye Ling for its future, to lead it away from manufacturing and into the knowledge age.
But the 32-year-old scientist, a post-graduate in molecular biology, is not counting on Malaysia to look after her future.
'I felt very suppressed in Malaysia,' said Tan, who moved to neighbouring Singapore, the region's pace-setter for biotech investment, after a decade of study and research in Malaysia.
'I have benefited from the better research environment and salary scheme here. Things are much smoother,' she said by phone from the National University of Singapore where she is studying dust mites and allergies.
Tan estimates that 60 percent of the research teams she works with in Singapore are from Malaysia, despite her country's efforts over several years to develop a biotech industry.
The Malaysian government unveiled plans last March to spend $553.3 million over five years to boost research, attract foreign investment and build new facilities. But its efforts are wasted unless it can retain more talented people like Tan.
'Bythe time we have the research environment in place, every other countrywould have taken a slice of the biotech investment pie,' said Iskandar Mizal, head of the state-run Malaysian Biotech Corporation which oversees the government's strategy.
There is a serious problem facing Malayia and that is the problem of Brain Drain. Why are Malaysians overseas not coming back to work?
Well, pay may be part of the reasons but is not the main reason. Singapore recruitment team offered Malaysian students there a salary which is a few times they would expect to get in Malaysia….S$40,000 a yr for houseman after tax (equivalent to RM86000) which is about 5 times the pay of a houseman inMalaysia.
But, as I say, pay is not the main problem. The living expenses Overseas is high. And for a person working overseas, the loneliness and the stress level is also high. So not everyone opts to work overseas because of pay. Many would not mind to work for lesser pay if they can stay near to their loved ones.
Why do people choose to work overseas, away from their loved ones ?
Malaysia has many state-of-the-art hospitals and research centres, which may even be the envy of many overseas countries. But hardware alone would not attract these experts o come home. In the medical fields, I have so many friends /classmates working overseas, many in world renowned centres. Why do they do that?
Some of my classmates and friends did come back as specialists. After working a few years ( many lasted a few months) , most get disillusioned and went off. There is really not much prospect of career advancement. How many can hope to become a professor, even when they are an acknowledged expert in their field? On the other hand , lesser beings are being promoted to professorship for doing much less.
How many of them can have any say about how things are to be run? How many of them can blend into the local team where the work attitude is vastly different from that overseas?
There is an unwritten rule that even if the person is very good, the head of the team has to be someone from a certain ethnic group who may not even be half as good as him.
In everyday life, some become disillusioned with the corruption, the red tape and tidak apa attitude of the officialdom. For an overseas doctor applying to work home, the application can take up to 6 months to get approved, whereas, Singapore sends teams overseas to recruit them on the spot, giving them forms to fill and offering them jobs immediately as long as they pass their final examination. See the difference?
It is the sense of being wanted and being appreciated that make these people stay overseas. Back here, they are often made to feel that they are of a lower class; they do not feel wanted and they do not feel appreciated…. That is the main reason.
For those with children , the education system puts them off. Even school children can feel being discriminated, one glaring example is the 2 systems in PreUniversity education.
All these make them pack their bags and off they go again, leaving behind their parents perhaps, siblings,friends they grew up together, favouite food that is often not available overseas. No one likes to be like this; circumstances and a sense of being recognised for their worth make them go away…It is really sad.
Parents spend huge amount of money educating them, but the ones who benefit are the Singaporeans, the Americans,the Australian, the British and so on. As long as racepolitics is not done away with, this problem of brain drain willcontinue and Malaysia will always lack behind the advanced countries,no matter how many twin towers and Putrajayas we build.

My Respect to Taikace

I always respect my Taikace for what she had done in the CRSM organisation. She has a clear vision towards what she wants to do to help the public. When she lost badly in the last election I was really upset and angry why the people put her down, can't they judge her for the good things that she had done? But lucky, in fact is like "salted fish alive again" she was pull up by the President to the Minister post again. And her popularity make her also The Woman Leader. I was very happy for her then, pray to Macho's mercy.We Chinese always must be thankful to the people who saved our life.I remembered once upon a time I introduced a job to a man, the man express his thanks so much that he sent hamper to me every Chinese New Year.If this situation has not being a political pool, I believe my Taikace owed the President a favour that given her rice bowl today.
What happened lately in the party was really shaken me.I never expect my Taikace to react that way. Many comments about her I read in Malaysiakini all against her and branded her "fankuatcai". I couldn't understand why she chooses to be allied with the other side. I believe she has a good reason, may be her agenda is not same with them .I really hope she is not the one who stands at the front line just clear enough for the people to see and remind them about her terrible lost in the last general election and not deserved to be up there holding the minister post as she is now, if not because of the man she despised so much now. I hope she can make total recall....but some how I still wish her the best in life.

Probe 'forgetful' Ling over PKFZ scandal

Probe 'forgetful' Ling over PKFZ scandal

Chua offers his post to Liow

Chua offers his post to Liow

2009 年最佳OSCAR奖

马来西亚政坛影的这幅戏远比新加坡那幅"吓到笑"还要好看得多.戏里头的主角配角都演得很好,大家应该能赢得OSCAR奖.话说第一位演员公羽,他演救世英雄;为了挽回民众对党的信心,打了个"敢怒敢言"的招牌领天下.不知是巧合或招身边的人有意挑剔,他忽然大胆宣布要挖PKNZ的事.这件事可不得了,有关连这案件的人都不是鱼虾类之人马,越挖越深时难免会发现不应该发现的东西.在明在暗的人都给这位阿斗小生搞到冒冷汗.非快快想出一计给他必死无疑.所以在其间一些莫明其妙的案件连续不断地发生在他身上.为何他不像别的头头那样受到保庇呢?好才大头头也急到忍不住跳出来解围说自已要拿来管这件事,叫他不必管.看来他已脱险了;然而事实并不是如此.那批在暗的人马还是不放心,怕这位阿斗英雄又挖别的东西怎么办?还是杀人灭口更安全.反正杀人灭口的事件在政坛里也不是第一次发生,只要得到大头头点头,会受到保庇,不必上断头台.所以大家想到先用鱼蚌相争渔翁得利的原理来处理他.先得搬出马来西亚最当红的性爱光碟明星草采先生当棋子之一与他做对手.先来一个除害事件,引导草采先生及支持者大力反弹. 这位草采先生一路来都是心头有刺,以前出丑的事还在怪别人.所以自从当上了老二还是有意无意在刁难老大,故意制造问题.不知是老天爷替天下的太太们报仇还是时机已到,这位明星也响应了各位的需求,来跟老大拼得你死我活.带着'生做马华的人死做马华的鬼'的口号来感动半个马华的中央代表.连阿姐听了也感动到眼泪鼻涕一起流. 好了,有惊无险的双十特大的戏演出后,出炉的成绩正是意料中,两位大明星都出局.
在收抬惨局当时两位才如梦初醒,啊!是被人出卖了.看着身边的人一个个离去,心有千千结,苦不堪言.背叛!是背叛!老大恐叫:"我一定要报仇!看着,你们这群背叛者,我不除掉就不要姓公!"
下半场的戏更出乎意料,看来还是不能毕幕.下来的是好人变坏人,坏人变好人.本来草采是演坏人的,如今被人请出来演好人.这位老人家好像上当一次学不到乖,再一次给人家玩,难怪人家说有IQ不一定有EQ.起初是玩握握手的和平团结方案.单纯的阿姐读书不多,以为这次没事啦,天下太平了,所以高兴得流眼泪.有人在阿姐背后说:"嘿嘿!好戏还在后头哩....先不要换电台."真的,不过三天,配角明星广琴先生忽然跳出来喊道:"不得了!不得了!现在不可以和平或团结,得先来下一个战争才可以和平..."这一次可吓到阿姐.阿姐不明白为什么一定要打战才可以和平?隔壁家十三岁的阿明仔对阿姐说:"换句话说,你不滚蛋给我上位那里可以团结. "哦..阿姐忽然明白了.
看戏的民众越看越精彩,连欢喜台福建戏也不追了,天天守在电视前看新闻,连马来电台也做这套戏.报纸天天卖到完,买不到也借隔壁阿伯的报纸来看.收旧报纸的没生意做.现在最旺的是赌场,你买谁上买谁下是巴杀的热门生意.连阿姐也想下赌住,看有没有横财运.
现在阿姐也想通了一件事,阿姐不会再为马华伤心流泪,更不会为马华而牺牲保贵的时间和精神.因为阿姐的信念:"只有马华才是华人的救星."已经毁灭了......

阿姐
张锦璇

Chasing after the Hot Chair

The recent chaos in MCA is a common phenomenas happened in Malaysia politic today after 308.When more seats in the Parliament being taken away by the opposition, less seats left for the BN. For 50 years BN rules the country, they are already used to sitting in the Parliament comfortably,drawing big pays and commissions, enjoys the power and luxury. Now that the situation is such that they have to compete with the opposition (whom they never gave a damn shit before) for the limited seats left , the competition becomes great(sengit). Esp the MCA and MIC, they are the greatest loser. Left alone the MIC, why MCA becomes the target or the victim? To make it simple its because the Chinese lost trust in BN. The root of evils is the oppositions who were good at 'korek' various 'corruption' issues, the make believe tactics were successfully implanted into the 'rakyat' minds. To cut short, this situation arose fear and panic. Next came the pointing fingers at each other, friends stepping friends and then the inner chaos (though always happened but this time more serious). All these happened just for one reason, CHASING AFTER THE HOT CHAIR.

The time frame for those who sat on the CHAIR became shorter and shorter. From one term to less than a term. In the process of chasing they had to use ugly tactics to fight for survivor. Friends becomes enemy and enemy becomes friends. The face changes overnight and the supporters were confused as whom now I supposed to support. As what happened today the majority(those opportunists) become silence standby to see first which direction the wind blow stronger.In another words, we are looking at the bishops fighting. For that HOT CHAIR sake, words uttered not counted, the principles reform, decisions made not reliable and the RULE BOOK, they can always fall back to the rule book, nobody want to open, because the disadvantages might go to them.

The HOT CHAIR though nobody ever sat long enough till the end, never have good ending before (scandals after scandals), but still many fellows were mad chasing after it. Why? The POWER ,and POWER can brings RICHES(in Malaysia at least). From previous history, we could see that those who sat up there had became rich.But if you think only MCA or BN is like that, then you are wrong! The PKR fellows, no need 50 years, the first year itself they already started to SELL themselves to BN (eg: 3 stooges from Perak, now gradually coming in more), they even SOLD the state(Perak) for MONEY sake(please don't blame BN for being sneaky, blame PKR for being greedy). What more if they hold the country, they may SELL Malaysia to America.

Women Must Read This

Mail from Christine Teo Burkha

Crucial
Because of recent abductions In daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation... This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children, everyone you know. After reading these 10 crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do : The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!

2.. Learned this from a tourist guide. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you.... Chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy.. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their chequebook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR , LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE..
If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, Repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it . As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor , and in the back seat

B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side... If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; and even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Preferably in a zig -zag pattern! 8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird.. The police told her 'Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door..' The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, 'We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.' He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night.

10. Water scam! If you wake up in the middleof the night to hear all your taps outside running or what you think is aburst pipe, DO NOT GO OUT TO INVESTIGATE! These people turn on all youroutside taps full ball so that you will go out to investigate andthen attack.
Stay alert, keep safe, and look out for your neighbours! Please pass this on This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby Theory was mentioned on America 's Most Wanted when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana
I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle.. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters,daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.
Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better to be safe than sorry.. Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or love one's life

Children Who Won't Go To School (Separation Anxiety)

Refrence from American Academy of Child and Adolescent Health

Many parents came to me about the disorder behavior of their children,here are some refrences I did for the benefit of all readers.The articles of related materials are compiled from various journals.

Going to school is usually an exciting and enjoyable event for young children. However, for some it can cause intense fear or panic. Parents should be concerned if their child regularly complains about feeling sick or often asks to stay home from school with minor physical complaints. Not wanting to go to school may occur at anytime, but is most common in children 5-7 and 11-14, times when children are dealing with the new challenges of elementary and middle school. These children may suffer from a paralyzing fear of leaving the safety of their parents and home. The child's panic and refusal to go to school is very difficult for parents to cope with, but these fears and behavior can be treated successfully, with professional help.

Refusal to go to school often begins following a period at home in which the child has become closer to the parent, such as a summer vacation, a holiday break, or a brief illness. It also may follow a stressful occurrence, such as the death of a pet or relative, a change in schools, or a move to a new neighborhood.

The child may complain of a headache, sore throat, or stomachache shortly before it is time to leave for school. The illness subsides after the child is allowed to stay home, only to reappear the next morning before school. In some cases the child may simply refuse to leave the house. Since the panic comes from leaving home rather than being in school, frequently the child is calm once in school.

Children with an unreasonable fear of school may:

feel unsafe staying in a room by themselves
display clinging behavior
display excessive worry and fear about parents or about harm to themselves
shadow the mother or father around the house
have difficulty going to sleep
have nightmares
have exaggerated, unrealistic fears of animals, monster, burglars
fear being alone in the dark, or
have severe tantrums when forced to go to school
Such symptoms and behaviors are common among children with separation anxiety disorder. The potential long-term effects (anxiety and panic disorder as an adult) are serious for a child who has persistent separation anxiety and does not receive professional assistance. The child may also develop serious educational or social problems if their fears and anxiety keep them away from school and friends for an extended period of time.

When fears persist the parents and child should consult with a qualified mental health professional, who will work with them to develop a plan to immediately return the child to school and other activities. Refusal to go to school in the older child or adolescent is generally a more serious illness, and often requires more intensive treatment.Excessive fears and panic about leaving home/parents and going to school can be successfully treated.

Note: I had a client 11 years old, refuse to go to school since 6 months ago after his parent divorced. The fear he mentioned was about the feeling of shame, he feared his friends would know about his family break up,also the teachers mmight asked, the mixed feeling af anxiety and frustration in the boy made him gave up school life.I had to refer this case to the Mental Health Specialist.

Bipolar Disorder

Refrence Materials from Mental Health Medical Journal
Knowledge for all

Bipolar disorder is a common illness. Sufferers were once referred to as manic-depressive but the condition is now popularly known as Bipolar Disorder. What does it involve? It actually involves two different states if mind:
Mania: violent passion or desire; extreme excitement And,
Depression: a feeling of melancholy, hopelessness and dejection.

The symptoms can vary from moderate to extreme mania on one end of the scale and different levels of sadness and disappointment on the other. Usually there is a period of normal feelings in between the two. The change in mood from high to low can happen quite quickly and in some cases there may seem to be a mix of high and low together. There is no standard which can accurately predict what kind of mood will be manifest, how high or low the fluctuations will be or even how long they might last.

A manic depressive person with this bipolar disorder might seem on top of the world one day, taking on debts and responsibilities, feeling invincible and capable of anything. They may go out one day and finance a car that they can’t afford or volunteer for a task that is really beyond their capabilities to perform. The next day the world appears to crash in around them and they are incapable of coping with the simplest daily chores.

What can be expected from a sufferer during a period of mania? During mania the person will feel super energized. The excitement will be manifested in restlessness and quick thinking and speaking. They might seem edgy, irritable and distracted, have trouble sleeping, take risks and overspend. They will seem to be in a state of euphoria (exaggerated sense of well being). Sex drive is increased.

In a depression the person might seem continually sad or anxious. They may not be allowing any feelings and be left with an emptiness, which lasts for a period of hours or days. Hopeless, pessimistic and guilty with feelings of worthlessness and helplessness, they may withdraw, seem tired and listless. They may lose appetite and weight and also lose interest in things that normally excite them.
Alcohol and drug abuse may develop as a result of the seeming loss of emotional control. Men and women are equally at risk and the age at onset is usually between 15and 25.
There is no known cause of bipolar disorder. There may be a risk due to heredity but this has not been proven. It seems to run in families but the evidence is only anecdotal at present. If there is an awareness of the risks, then early diagnosis and treatment can reduce the symptoms. This illness strikes between one and two percent of the population where it is diagnosed. Diagnosis is difficult and bipolar disorder is often misdiagnosed as depression.

Some extreme episodes may require a hospital stay to help control the symptoms. A variety of antidepressants and other drugs are sometimes prescribed. Lithium is often given as a preventative drug but it has side effects that may make it undesirable

一命赔一命

堕胎婴灵大复仇 2009/09/25 3:46:55 PM
报道：胡惟翔、杨艾蒂 摄影：林逸军、
部分照片法师提供 转载自新生活报
Edited from nanyang siangpao


曾经为130万个灵婴做过超度法会的海涛法师神色凝重说，“在农历七月这段时期，婴灵会特别期待有人为他超度，而且还要帮婴灵取名字，让他感觉得到重视，再以一颗真诚和忏悔的心来超度他。”

虽然，堕胎者已超度婴灵，但，并不表示会永远摆脱他，只因你一堕胎后，就开始了这场无法终止的因果循环，它会无限期地一至延续下去。

他惊人奉劝：“如果你们得知周围的家人或朋友堕胎，一定要阻止堕胎的女性，不然，会和堕胎者一样，遭婴灵报仇！”

在这个阴森的鬼节来临时，《新生活报》成功独家专访台湾生命基金会董事长海涛法师玄谈堕胎的婴灵，向读者揭开灵婴灵异面纱……

手术室里，传来一把急促的声音，“流血不止了……快把钳子拿来……胚胎被夹出了……”护士接着把从下体所夹碎的胚胎放在盆里。

不要觉得惊讶，以上所进行的正是世上最残忍的堕胎手术!

堕胎是指胎儿被某人畜意致死、强夺生存的权力或人工流产的行为，无论是畜意与否，结束一条无辜的小生命，都是残酷的行为。

海涛法师说，“因生未生胎儿”，指的是婴灵，也就是还未出生就被堕掉的胎儿，基本上，堕胎后，灵体还会存在，而且带着怨恨，逗留在人间复仇。

堕胎是犯了根本戒，那就是杀戒，不仅损害自己，最悲惨的是断丧了一个婴灵投胎做人的机会，因为不知道还要等多久才能有做人的机会。

海涛法师一针见血剖析，婴灵是停留在阴阳界的一种灵体，他们既不属于鬼魂，也不是人类，必需停留在这阶段，直到婴灵原本在世的阳寿缘尽后，方能正式列为鬼魂，至此，才可以再世轮回。

法师说，婴灵有着比鬼魂更大的怨力，本身的怨气也会因日渐成长而不断增加，他们赖以生存的是亲生母亲的元气，根据说法，一般女性在一生中只能接受三个婴灵的附身，一但超越三个婴灵，那妇女的身体一定气虚，精神有所错乱，这是因为婴灵造成她元神虚弱的关系。

海涛法师针对这点做出解释：“婴灵会随着日子渐渐成长，所以他所需要的元气会越来越多，这也就是造成妇女元神虚弱，精神恍忽的原因。”

被堕掉的婴灵是有意识的，所以会记仇，如果这个灵无法投胎，便会随着时间长大，意识也会变强，然后进行报仇，搞到家庭不和。

其实，当男女交合时，卵子受精后就已经形成一种灵，至于灵会投胎的地方，也跟因果循环脱离不了关系，这可分为两种，报恩或报仇，如果是报恩的胎儿，把他堕了，那会失去福气，相反地，把来报仇的胎儿堕掉，就化解不了过去的恩怨，而且还和婴灵结了新仇。

对西方国家来说，婴儿在出世时才服赋予生命，让人误以为胚胎是没有生命的，这和佛教恰好相反。

由于社会道德观念日渐开放，时下的青少年，年纪轻轻便偷尝禁果，然后意外怀孕，至于成年人，更追求二人世界，所以，堕胎已被看成避孕失败的为一解决方法。

有到女子监狱帮忙超度的海涛法师提到，女犯人堕胎的巴仙率很高，一些人甚至有过三次以上的堕胎纪录，可见现今的人如何草率地看待‘堕胎’。

堕胎只是解决一时的问题，但却会带来终生遗憾与悔恨，所以奉劝女性朋友，千万别轻易做出这决定，扼杀自己的亲生骨肉。

所谓“解铃还须解铃人”，想堕胎的女性，应寻求其他解决的方法，别钻牛角尖，免得犯上杀戒，毁了自己的一生。

复仇的婴灵会附在父母或亲属身上的某个部位，然后，那个部位便会持续疼痛或发生令人意想不到的意外，十分的不可思议！

堕胎者万万没想到，婴灵是存在的，而且还会附在身上，海涛法师说：“曾经有位妇女堕胎后，便不断发生车祸，最让人感到诡异的是每一次车祸，都伤同样的脚，因为婴灵就附在她脚上。”

也有位老太太，年轻时，堕过胎儿，但却没有为他超度，然后，被附在腰上的婴灵，造成腰骨折断。

黄太太，因为身体不适的原因，而堕掉胎儿，过后，又被查出是错误诊断，那次之后，便无法再怀孕了，这对喜欢小孩的她，无疑是很大的打击。

就算是看遍了许多医生，也无补与事，直到她家人到庙里问神，才得知那被堕掉的婴儿原本是来报恩的，但因为被堕掉，便和她从此结怨，不再让她怀孕了。

最近，台湾在八月八日所发生的水灾，也有一家人遭到婴灵复仇的事件，海涛法师说：“那一家人是住在灾区，夫妇幸运被救获，但却失去了宝贝的孩子，经过问神后，得知是之前所堕掉的胎儿回来报仇，把小孩带走。”

陈小姐堕胎后，身体变得虚弱、忧郁和焦虑易怒，夜里更是噩梦连连，有时半夜醒来更听到有可怕的声音在吓唬她“你快死了，你快死了...”

工作上又不顺心，上司的有意刁难和同事之间的相处也出现问题，还经常为一些芝麻绿豆的小事和丈夫争吵，关系渐渐的疏远了，身体健康也在这时亮起了红灯，面对接二连三所发生的问题，让她差点蒙上自杀的念头，这全和她堕胎有关。

以上所有事件解开了大家对婴灵存在的迷思！

有些女性自然流产，表面上，胎儿的生命是死了，但是他不会怀恨，因为这是无心之过，他会形成婴灵，呆在父母的身边，等待超度，若胎儿是蓄意流产，婴灵便会心里充满仇恨，然后进行报仇，被婴灵缠上的人，轻则生病、重则死亡。

海涛法师说：“每个婴灵都会报仇，而且是视仇恨的程度来报复，所以堕胎后的妇女一定要超度婴灵，而且是必需怀着真诚、忏悔的心来超度他们，不然无法化解这股怨气。”

超度只是个仪式，最重要是视当事人有没有带着一颗真诚的心来忏悔，因为居住在胎儿里的灵魂都在等待投胎，但还未出世，却被杀害，导致无法投胎，进而复仇来雪恨，他说：“对于已经堕胎的妇女，就要用佛教的慈悲方法来超度婴灵，至于还未堕胎的便要防止堕胎，三思而后行，千万别杀害无辜的生命。”

海涛法师也大胆声称，文殊菩萨曾经堕过胎，因而下地狱，但他有一颗真诚忏悔的心，最后，依然可以成佛。

在访问中，记者更揭发了一连串的惊悚灵异事件。

海涛法师透露：“其实被堕掉的婴灵会缠父母亲，若婴灵是男的就缠住母亲，女的则缠父亲，这和异性相吸的道理一样。”

他继续说，如果某人怀孕了但想堕胎，身边的友人若帮忙该名妇女策划堕胎，这些策划者都会被婴灵杀死。

每次在法会进行超度时也会出现灵异事件，“我们在超度婴灵时，都会准备盛有牛奶的奶瓶，法会进行时，在场的人士都会看到那些牛奶慢慢地减少，这证明婴灵出没在法会现场。”

所以堕胎后，除了到佛庙里，自己本身也可以超度婴灵，如念经、吃素，尤其是在农历七月鬼节。

由于现代医学发达，使得堕胎几乎在法律及社会道德尺度上都趋于合法，许多妇女甚至把堕胎看作一件小事，在不知不觉中，造下罪无可赦的重业。

根据“联合国生殖权和生殖健康”调查报告指出，全球每年堕胎案例高达4900万宗，其中逾2000万宗是不安全堕胎，造成因堕胎而死亡的女性至少8万人。

大马堕胎指数渐增

而在大马，根据非正式估计，每个月至少有90人非法堕胎，平均每月60至90宗，每年更达到730宗至1095宗，情况令人担忧。

无论如何，堕胎在我国是属于非法的行为，医院必需检查孕妇的身体状况是否适合怀胎儿，方可进行堕胎手术，不然，将被视为非法，政府也于1985年开始规定，非法进行堕胎者将受到法律制裁。

Life Without Maid

Most of the working couples in Malaysia employ Indonesian maids. The maids handle most of the housework thus after certain period of time we have the tendency to DEPEND on the maids . Can't imagine how life without maid is going to be. I had a maid Warti (1st maid)who worked 6 years with me and all these years she became part of our family; I trusted her to manage my home and looking after kids. She not only doing housework, she also help me to manage my daily appointments and my orchard farm. I was so much dependence on her that I feared the day comes she is going to leave us. Indeed, the day has come earlier than I expected. Her mother in Indonesia pass away and she was called to go back home immediately. I had no choice but to let her go.
My 1st week without maid was a terrible one coz i haven't adjust myself to the situation. I had to send my baby away to my father's house coz he got maid.My house was messy,in fact horrible!, My clothing unable to manage thus I had to choose a few pieces that need not do the ironing. Meals not cooked, came back from work, hungry! Later I had to overcome this dilemma, I had to accept the truth that I had to go on, without maid, at least for sometimes.(Indonesian frozen their maids )meantime I had to settle down and started my new schedule of life. I used my weekend to get started, bit by bit from the kitchen to the rooms. from drawers to drawers(cos I don't know where all my things kept). My son Yen and I started cooking, trying new menu. I got to rearrange things according to my system (maid simply chuck here and there make me cannot find things). Until my whole house was kept upright, I started to enjoy my privacy at home, without having someone pocking nose into my life. Now I really feel that is alright without maid, I have to work harder no doubt but still enjoy the privacy. My enjoyment living without maid was not long. 5 weeks later she called me from Indonesia, (her permit not dead yet) that she wants to come back here. Alamak! Again my son said, Can't we just say NO? Now I am down again in the dilemma to accept her back. The thought that sometimes she pocking her nose into my business, sleeping on my best pillow (I realised the pillow I bought for RM200.00 lost), using my phone to call her boyfriend, showing sour face when her periods comes. Snooping around when my quests comes, bullied my child when I am not home... for all these, I have to pay her RM 600 a month. In fact now I realised that I can do housework better than a maid.
Reluctantly, I purchased a ticket for her to come back, next week.

The petals of Lives

There are moments in life when someone is missed so much that makes us long for them everyday.

Dream about what pleases you
Go where you want to go
Be who you want to be
You only have one life
To do what makes you happy

Find on the wonderful quest of life
Enough happiness to spread it around
Enough road blocks to make it stronger
Enough sorrows to keep a good soul
Enough wishes to be happy from within.

The happiest person don't necessary have everything, they simply utilizes all potential in what life has to offer.Because only people who care, can appreciate the importance of the things that leaves traces of life.

Forget the past, leave behind the mistakes and sorrows. Love is born with a smile and grow with a kiss.

Slaughter the Dead Goat

Lately our members are busy trying to find solutions to encounter the Rakyat's confidence towards our political party (MCA) after the 308 disaster.Meetings, seminars, talks, etc had been held for the members; of course never miss the lunches, dinners followed when we had visitors from the top people. In fact everybody is trying his very best to think of the possible ways, Kuantan planned to go down to the rakyat to solve their problems and to go ahead of the opposition parties in problems solving. In fact everybody is in the confusion state whereby at last we are still back in our old tricks. We still fail to understand a very simple equation: Why the Rakyat is ANGRY.There are two things we did, all the time:

1. SHUT OUR MIND TO WHAT ACTUALLY PEOPLE WANT FROM US.We only planned, IN PANIC, what we want to do for them.The repairs(which Not suppose to happen if not cause by the poor quality of the products, esp the roads and services) ,The explanations,(which shows that we have to tell more lies just to side the authorities,coz we take for granted that the Rakyat are stupids; which is our weaknesses known for ages),The activities, ( cos only attended by our own members more than the Rakyat cos just to put in the papers) And all the truth about us is : our mind is not open to accept the truth, the plain truth! The Rakyat only want: JUSTICE FOR ALL and NO CORRUPTIONS.
JUSTICE FOR ALL
MCA is the ruling party in the Barison National, we are SUPPOSE to be the RULE MAKER.We are not SUPPOSE to take the role of the opposition, TO COMPLAIN and QUESTION , coz we got to stand strong with dignity on the rules we made( to show that we think before the rules being passed) to the Rakyat.
NO CORRUPTIONS
Corruption in Malaysia is a known open secret to the world. Most Rakyat hate corruptions except the corrupter themselves. Coz, corruption make path easier for some people but as a tax payer, the idea of our hard earned money go into some one's pocket make us VERY VERY ANGRY! The worst thing of all is that some authority BLESS those CORRUPTER !This POINT is the plain FACTS that MCA just cannot EXPLAIN to the Rakyat and also can do nothing about it.

COME ON BROTHERS !The Rakyat wants us to do BIG thing, and the small small thing leave it to the social workers, we employed them.

2.THE BATTLE WITHIN THE PARTY
This had happened in all ages. WHY OUR OPPOSITION ARE SO STRONG NOW? Because THEY are NOT our TARGET, They are not our ENEMY!. Our target and enemy are our brothers and sisters within our own party who wears the same uniforms as us.We were so involved in fighting , suing ,splitting like virus. We wasted a lot of time and energy on the battle, the issue almost similar though not same.The Reason is only ONE: FOR THE POWER.We had long forgotten how our ancestors SACRIFICED for the better of our future, if we ever USED their names at all, was during the campaign, so that the young people know the history. We are not being realistic, do we? We never FEEL the way our ancestors felt about the Party. We can't even LOVED our fellow brothers and how can we demand our followers to love us ? This PROPERTY had passed on to us and we are now destroying it. We destroy our UNITY, we destroy our REPUTATION,we destroy the TRUST of the Rakyat and last we are destroying ourselves, sooner or later.

COME ON BROTHERS! PEOPLE OUTSIDE ARE LAUGHING AT US!


We take 50 over years to MAKE the OPPOSITION strong.We give them all the chances to catch hold of our weaknesses.Its not because they are good, but because we are NO GOOD and the Rakyat have NO CHOICE.Now that we suddenly realise TIME is running out.Now we have to think, think, how to turn the table around. If we still hold on to the old tricks, I'm sorry.........There are few things if we keep on doing, we 'll become WORST.

1.Try to cover the elephant corpse with our fingers.The Rakyat will see that we are stupid.
2.Belittle others just for the sake of belittling, The Rakyat will see that we are childish.
3.Use authority to suppress somebody, The Rakyat will see that we are brutal.
4.Jeer at people even if he does good thing. The Rakyaat will see that we are disgusting.
5.Telling lies thinking that others are stupid. The Rakyat will see that we are foolish.
All the above items I mentioned are what we try to practise today. The idea must have came from someone very in matured at the top there.Some one told :WE MUST USED BACK THE TRICKS the opposition used to defeat us , But we forgotten that they plotted, planned, korek the facts , consulted the professionals, used psychology, used high technology, used tremendous speakers to manipulate and convinced the RAKYAT.They just speak in line with the Rakyat,sneak in between, pretend to be one of them, roar the same tune and just one word I can say : THEIR OPPORTUNITY HAS COME.(we made it possible by our ignorant).

THE OPPOSITION(308)
ARE THEY REALLY MUCH BETTER THAN US? NO, they are not.They are just as human as we are. Give them a year ( may be less) they will be more corrupted than some of us did. (see the example of Perak 3 stooges), Some of them are of low quality lay man origin,most of them are the frustrated runaway fellows or expelled from our team.Sooner or later they are going to mess up things.They will take less than 10 years to collapse.The Rakyat didn't gave them a damn shit,just simply through the votes to them, not because they are good but just TO PUNISH US! PUNISH mean you still have the opportunity, but meantime THEY also not dreaming or stupid, they know who they are. Now they are busy recruiting the GOOD fellows, throwing out the bad one (while we busy BUYING over their unwanted rotten people with millions of RM)Using this oppurnity as a base to be strong, excellent and trust worthy government.Now they are busy accumulating all their modal TO BEAT US FLAT in the next election.Just see, WHAT WE ARE BUSY AT NOW?

THE RAKYAT
The Rakyat are very sensitive people, easily manipulated group whom we very much unconcerned while we were still UP THERE.We put our deaf ears to their whispers until today we heard their roars.But the Rakyat also have weaknesses, "THEY FEAR CHANGES" Changes might not be for the better. Take Singapore eg, The Lim Kuan Yew Dynasty never tumble down(yet).WHY? Just one word: CLEAN

If we can CLEAN ourselves from : CORRUPTION, INJUSTICE, POWER STRUGGLE
with the limited time we have, I'm sure THE RAKYAT will take us back quickly for the very simple reasons:
1. We still have many good Wakils who genuinely work for the Rakyat.
2. We already expertise in GOVERNMENTING (coz 50 over years experience)

JUST LEARN FROM SINGAPORE!

Don't Take away His Burden

A father came to me, worried about his son SPM which is approaching soon. "The examination is near but my son is not at all worried. He sleeps for hours in the afternoon back from school." So the father fixed a wake up time and that is 3 o'clock. When the son is deep asleep, the father will woke him up; force him to read his books. But he is so sleepy that very soon he goes to sleep again.This has been going on for months and the relationship becoming from bad to worse. But still the father holding to his principle, nevertheless there is no improvement.
The problem of most 'educated' parent is that they seem take away their children's worries, put all the burden on their shoulders and leave nothing at all for the children to worry about. This is the opposite in term of 'poor' parents whereby they never bother at all about their children, 'cannot study just come out and work.'
"Who worry the most over the coming SPM?"I asked the boy.
"My father."he said.
"I have to worry because he doesn't seem to care."claimed the father.

The modern parents have plans for every steps their children taken. In fact they are caring too much that the children couldn't feel that their lives belong to themselves. Most children nowadays are not trained with sense of responsibility. A very small example the parent used to practise, "If you do well in the coming exam, I will give you......" The children might feel as though they 're doing a favour for their parents in scoring the papers. Sometimes they are tired of doing 'good things' just to please the parents. They have been told what their future suppose to be.So why worry? They have nothing to struggle for cause the 'thinking 'part already done by the parents.
"So what's your plan?"I asked the boy.
"Don't know, father said he is going to send me to private colleges if I doesn't do well."
"So what do you really like to do in future?I interrogated again.
"Don't know, father says I 'll be an engineer." Again father said..... The boy lazy to think for himself. I advised the father to try this alternative: leave the worries back to him, tell him that you doesn't bother about what he will be. Give him a week, just let yourself FREE. Soon the boy will sense that he is alone now to think about himself, and he might started to worry why nobody care anymore.3 days later I called the father to see how. "He sleeps again till 4 o'clock, I couldn't stand it and pull him up again. He rebelled and we had a big fight. I have nothing to say to the WORRYING father. Its not easy to turn the table around.

Marital Problems That Often Lead to Divorce

Refrence article from google

Marital problems don’t always lead to divorce. At times they may cause you to feel like you want to run screaming toward the courthouse but, that doesn’t have to be the situation. I know you’ve heard this before but, I’m going to say it again anyway…marriage is work, a lot of work. The stress and strain of every day life can distract us at times and cause us to lose focus on the work that needs to be done in the marriage. That same stress can invade a marriage, exacerbate, and magnify any marital problems and issues in the marriage.
Most marital problems are typical. In other words if you are married, you will, at some point be faced with pretty much the same issues that most married people face. There is no true way to gauge whether the problems in your marriage are insurmountable. Your commitment to the marriage and your spouse determines how much you are willing to put up with and how hard you are willing to work on the marriage. If you are thinking about divorce or feeling like taking a jog down to the courthouse, ask yourself some of the follow questions.

· Are you to the point that your spouse just can’t do anything right, does everything they do get under your skin?
· Does everything lead to an argument?
· Are you tired of the fighting, so tired you can’t muster of the energy to even engage anymore?
· Has the love you felt been replaced by resentment?
· Would you rather be anywhere than with your spouse?
· When you and your spouse are together do you find you have nothing to talk about or that you have little interest in talking to him/her?
· Does the idea of sex with your spouse cause you to shudder?
· Are you having an affair or thinking about having an affair?
· You find yourself doing the opposite of what your spouse needs from you just to spite him/her?
· Are thoughts of divorce running through your mind on a regular basis?
Don’t worry, just because you answered yes to most of the questions doesn’t necessarily mean you are headed for divorce. It does mean, however that your marriage is in trouble and that it is time to evaluate your feelings as far as your commitment to the marriage. Steps need to be taken to either fix the problems in the marriage or to get the ball rolling and the divorce process started. Staying stuck in an unhappy marriage should not be an option for you or your spouse. Get to work finding a solution for the problems or you will end up in divorce court.

SUICIDE

Refrence article from google search.

Suicide is defined as the act of deliberately taking one's own life. It occurs most often in response to a crisis such as a death or the loss of a relationship or job. During a crisis people experience a wide range of feelings, and each person's response to crisis is different. It is normal to feel frightened or anxious or depressed. If a person feels overwhelmed or unable to cope, he or she may try to commit suicide.
Almost all people who kill themselves either suffered from depression or had substance abuse problems. People who are lonely and isolated or who have histories of previous suicide attempts are also at greater risk for attempting suicide.
Men are more than four times as likely as women to die by suicide, yet women are more likely to make a nonlethal suicide attempt.
Suicide is a major public health problem. Each year, firearms are used as many times for suicide as they are for murder. In some other countries, 71 percent of all firearm deaths are suicide.
Attempted and completed suicides result in enormous social, economic, and medical costs. Suicide is very disruptive to the quality of life of survivors and their families and friends.
Public health professionals have a major role to play in addressing the problem of suicide. Public health programs and policies can play a part before, during, and after completed or attempted suicides. First, public health programs are an important aspect of the prevention of suicide. Education campaigns can be used to increase knowledge and to change people's attitudes, beliefs, and values about suicide, and about people who may have attempted suicide. People may have distorted ideas about suicidal persons. For example, it is a myth that people who commit suicide never talk about it first. Most people provide important warning signs that can help to reduce the risk of suicide.
Health education can be combined with counseling or support programs. These programs can be provided by trained public health professionals or by peer counselors. For example, teenagers can be trained to provide counseling and support for other teens. Suicide awareness or prevention programs can be delivered in a variety of settings such as schools, churches, or in the community as a whole. They can also be delivered in psychiatric settings.
A second aspect of the prevention of suicide lies in judging or assessing a person's risk for suicide. Public health professionals such as nurses or doctors can help to prevent completed suicides by identifying people who may be thinking about or planning to try to commit suicide. They can also provide support through crisis or suicide-prevention counseling.
Public health can also play a valuable role during a suicide attempt. A suicide attempt is often a person's response to a crisis, or to a time when they feel overwhelmed or hopeless. Public health professionals can help during a suicide attempt through suicide-prevention counseling. This type of short-term counseling involves providing support and guidance to an individual who is suicidal. Its purpose is to decrease the person's emotional pain, to make sure that the person is safe, and to help develop a plan for coping. Sometimes suicide-prevention counseling includes connecting a person to community or health services. These services can then provide longer-term support.
Suicide prevention counseling is a valuable tool for public health. It is relatively low-cost, flexible, and simple to provide. A wide variety of health professionals, including doctors, nurses, psychologists, and social workers, can be taught to help people with suicide-prevention counseling techniques. These services can be provided in a wide variety of places or settings, including hospitals, community clinics, and telephone-based crisis centers or helplines. Suicide-prevention services provide an important link between the community and the formal health care system.
Public health professionals who work in suicide prevention and counseling are faced with a growing variety of issues and clients. Most communities are home to an increased number of people from a wide variety of cultural and ethnic backgrounds. There are also more older people in society. New issues that might trigger a suicide attempt include elder abuse, racism or discrimination, bullying, or gay bashing. Police officers, firemen, paramedics, and others are being trained to deliver on-the-spot suicide prevention counseling.
There is also a role for public health following a completed or attempted suicide. A suicide attempt or death can have a traumatic effect on the quality of life of survivors and their families and friends. Public health programs can provide important support services to survivors of a suicide attempt and their families.
Public health is only one important part of society's response to suicide as a health and social problem. There is also a role for law enforcement, the education system, the government, and the formal health care system in prevention, treatment, and follow-up to a suicide attempt.
Law enforcement (police officers) and public health professionals can cooperate to help suicidal persons. Police officers are often the first ones on the scene of a suicide attempt. They may act to prevent a suicidal person from hurting themselves (or someone else) through suicide prevention counseling. The may detain someone who is at high risk for suicide and refer him or her to appropriate public health resources.
The educational and health care systems also have a role to play in the prevention, treatment, and follow-up to a suicide attempt. Schools provide access to most young people and provide a place for delivering suicide prevention or awareness programs. They can also teach young people to recognize the warning signs of a potential suicide attempt in their friends, to provide peer counseling, and how to get immediate help and support. This is important because young people are at higher risk of attempting suicide than most adults.
The formal health care system (hospitals, clinics, doctor's offices) can play an important role in two main ways. First, people who are suicidal may come to an emergency room or a physician's office. In these cases, the health system serves as a "first-response" and crisis service. Second, once a person has been identified by a public health or law enforcement professional as suicidal, they may need to be hospitalized for a period of time. Health professionals can provide medications and further counseling or support to a suicidal person and their family.
Once a suicidal person is released from a hospital, public health professionals may make home visits or provide follow-up support through a community-based clinic. The prevention of suicide and the provision of support to people who are suicidal play an important and increasing role in the health of individuals, families, and communities.

Values counseling

Our Values Statement

Influence follows close upon the heels of character -- Caroline Dall
Counseling With Values. What A Difference!

Theravive is the only professional therapist directory that promotes strong moral values as a foundation for counseling and therapy. In short, we believe in saving marriages, in restoring relationships, in individual dignity and the equal value of all people, in marriage & family, in the value of mothers and fathers in the lives of children, in forgiveness, in healing people so that they no longer need counseling (and sometimes even medication), and in safe, non-judgmental therapy.

Why Values Based Counselling?

Values counseling allows you to know the heart of your counselor. By knowing this in advance, you will have a greater understanding of your counselor's focus, goals, and counselling path. You gain a deeper, more objective insight into where you have been and the new direction that will bring you healing, restoration, and joy. Simply put, having a therapist who shares your values means better and more effective therapy. Values promote healthy living and relationships, helping us to get our lives on the right track. Values are the light posts that point the way to a better place, illuminating to us hope and purpose in our lives that we may not have seen before. They not only protect us, but also guide us.
A Broken World
All of us live in an imperfect world, and we all contribute, in various degrees, to its imperfections. In a way, most of us already acknowledge that the world is a noble yet dangerous place; full of wonder and beauty, but also of indifference and malice. For example, parents will try to protect their children in some fashion from the "real world." Children are innocent, and the real world is a place where innocence can be lost. In essence, most of us acknowledge that this world is lacking and falls short of something greater- something it could be, but that it isn't. Values counseling points towards a higher standard, while relative or "non-values" counselling looks only at the subjective.
Values Based Counselors point the way in a unified direction to something greater
When values are arbitrary, a unified direction does not exist, and confusion results.

The Need for Values Based Counselors
When people see a counselor, they may be coming for something as simple as help with befriending a co-worker, or they may be on their final hope of a collapsing life, having utilized every ounce of remaining strength just to walk through the door. It is so important that the counselor be well grounded in solid moral values and principles, because all these people having such a wide scope of issues are all seeking the same thing: a better way.

The Reason Why Theravive Exists
Imagine a man who's life is collapsing, his wife no longer loves him due to years of emotional neglect and she intends to leave him. He loves her more than anything in the world and cannot bear the thought of losing his wife. Where did he go so wrong? How can he fix this? This just can't be happening! -(sadly, he has no clue how his years of ignoring her emotional needs has caused her love to die). He manages to convince her to see a counselor for help. She is reluctant but figures she will go, she at least owes him that. Can you see how important it is that this man find the right counselor? He gets one shot...just one shot at finding a counselor who can peel off the layers that, over the years, have become hardened scaled armour, and bring hope for this dying marriage. What if the counselor he chose viewed marriage as merely a "contract" between two people? What if he wound up in front of a counselor who believed that cohabitation is just as good as having the "piece of paper" of marriage, or a therapist who was so morally neutral, that anything and everything was "right" simply if the client felt it was right? Can you see how important the values of the counselor are to a situation like this? He could open a phone book and randomly select any therapist, but how wise is it to take your future, and stake it on the roll of dice? There are a lot of licensed therapists out there, and not all of them have the same beliefs about marriage. This man desperately needs a counselor who is well grounded, and believes in marriage.

Values based counselling means that the counselor is always pointing to a better way, meeting the client where he or she is at, and guiding that person towards a higher place: a place of deeper truth, a place of greater meaning. Non-values oriented counseling will simply seek to return the client to a functional level, or simply at a place that is "best for them." Well in the example above what was "best for the wife" was divorce. Yet she may not realize, or even see, that there could be door for her that leads her to a joyful life with her husband. While we believe that all people have the capacity within them to change, that does not mean they can always see all the choices before them. Sometimes people are so heavily oppressed by their situation that they genuinely cannot see a way out, or are unable to discern the best possible path. This is where the values of the counselor are critical to effective therapy.

Values are the whispers of our conscience that show us those things in our lives that need to change, they help us understand not only the problems in our lives, but why they were problems. Without values, we are unable to identify destructive behaviors and patterns of thoughts that cause pain and brokenness. Values allow us to learn from the past, let things go, and illuminate a new path towards a brighter future. And while we may never actually reach the ideal, it is instead the journey towards it that holds the joy of living; that we live a life always walking forward, towards a better place, one that is full of hope, experiencing true freedom and purpose every step of the way.

VALUE: We believe in saving marriages, and in the restoration of relationships.
Statement of Understanding: Theravive is pro-marriage. This means our first hope is to save your marriage, if possible. Marriages to us are far greater than merely a "contract" or "piece of paper." They are the foundation for a healthy family. In 'saving a marriage' we do not mean simply keeping two people physically together where one or both spouses are unhappy. Our goal is that both spouses have purpose, connection, value, and joy together. Yet we also understand that not all relationships can be saved (such as a spouse who is adamant in divorce, or when someone's safety is at risk, etc.). In the case where a relationship cannot be saved, our goal is to resolve the issues that have left the relationship broken and restore the individual.

VALUE: We believe in the sanctity and dignity of human life, that all people have meaning and purpose, and that no individual is without true value regardless of age, sex, race, choices made in life, or religion.We believe that each individual has purpose, meaning, and objective value. People are not born as merely empty vessels upon which a society or government grants rights and value to. Instead, simply by virtue of being a human being, you have inherent value, purpose, and meaning. The worth and unique value of a human being is objective. At Theravive, this means your counselor will treat you with dignity, respect, and with genuine concern for your well-being.

VALUE: We believe in the family and in raising children by their loving and married mothers and fathers (this isn't always possible, it is simply the best possible).
Statement of Understanding:
We believe the best (ideal) place to raise a child is in a loving marriage. What this means is we believe that in a perfect world, children are meant to be raised and loved by their parents as husband and wife. We do not consider expendable, a mother or a father. It is unfortunate to us that in today's world children are actually planned in advance to be born without a mother or father in their lives, as if mothers and fathers are optional in the planning of families. Mothers and fathers offer unique attributes in the development of a child that no one else can fully substitute. A fatherless or motherless child, or a child in a single parent or unmarried home, may still have a wonderful loving home, but it is not something we would wish upon them when they become parents. Most single parents, for example, never planned on being single parents. We want our children to model the best parts of us, and not our pain. Teaching our children the value of marriage and family gives them a solid direction in life, and a strong system of values that will guide their future, helping them to become loving parents, even breaking the cycle that may have left us alone.

If you have read this value and feel that you are not even close, be encouraged; no matter where you are in life, therapy can bring a new direction for you and your children. We accept all clients where they are in life, and it is never too late to start a new path. Every journey begins with a single step.

VALUE: We affirm the need and power of forgiveness, acknowledging that right and wrong exist.
Statement of Understanding:
We believe that fundamental right and wrong are not relative, but something that is commonly understood. For example, whether its "small" acts like cutting in line, or larger ones such as acts of harm, stealing, or deception, the same universal principles are known, regardless of culture. These are the basis for our conscience.

Forgiveness implies that someone was wronged. Whether you are giving forgiveness to someone who wronged you, or you need forgiveness for someone you have wronged, there is a recognition that something happened that should not have, or did not happen that should have. In order for forgiveness to occur there needs to be an acknowledgement of responsibility and of right and wrong, meaning that sometimes guilt is a healthy response to wrongdoing. Too often in society we look to pin responsibility on everyone else, with the notion that there is no such thing as "wrong". In the world of psychology, too often counselors just assume guilt is an unhealthy emotion that should be let-go. While we agree that there are certainly times when guilt can be harmful to growth (a battered wife who blames herself), we also acknowledge that guilt can be healthy, a sign that an individual has a conscience, and a call to action. It is much more tragic when someone can hurt others and feel no guilt.

When we hurt someone else or when someone hurts us, we need to forgive, not just those who hurt us, but ourselves as well. Forgiveness allows us to let go of the hurt, and be free from guilt. Forgiveness is very powerful and essential in any committed relationship, and important for our own selves. Sometimes forgiving our self is harder than forgiving anyone else.

PRINCIPLE: Naturopathic Philosophy
We believe in resolving the underlying problems that lead to depression, anxiety, and other emotional and physiological issues. While medication may be a necessary part of an individual’s process to wellness, where possible, we work to free the client from the problems that medication has been prescribed to address. This results in the client requiring less or no medication and not becoming dependant on counselling. To put simply, drugs are a last resort, not a first resort. Far too many times, drugs are rapidly prescribed as a quick way to treat a client when they are not always necessary. We do not want to resort to drugs as an easy way out of dealing with a problem, yet at the same time we acknowledge that drugs are an important component of mental health. At all times, we work with, not against, the professional medical care given to our clients.

PRINCIPLE: Guide Not a Judge
While our counselors share common values, our clients need not. A client may live a life of different values, and is still accepted and welcomed, as we have a "come as you are" approach. And even though we believe in right and wrong, it is not our place to be judgmental, dictate, or impose on a client. No matter what the values of a client are, a good counselor will accept that client, and be a listener first. A counselor can never "fix" a problem or change someone, only the client can do that. A counselor that spends more time talking in sessions than his or her clients is probably missing out on important opportunities to understand and lead the client into a path of discovery. While there are certainly times that it may be appropriate to spend a lot of time advising a client, a good counselor is first a listener before being a speaker. A good counselor establishes a safe, collaborative relationship with the client and it is within the safety of this container that effective therapy takes place. A good counselor will guide, rather than judge. A good counselor will listen, rather than lecture. It is always the client, not the therapist, who must make the decisions regarding their life. The grounded counselor shows the way and provides the tools; the client must then make the choice and walk the path.

Trauma counseling

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. - Author Unkown

What is Trauma and Traumatic Stress?
Trauma is an extremely subjective experience. What may be traumatic for one person may barely affect another. In a general sense though, trauma results when you experience excessive stress that overwhelms your emotional or physical ability to cope. While emotional trauma can result in the absence of any physical trauma, many times the two go hand-in-hand. For instance, the wounds from physical trauma like the loss of a limb or a gunshot wound, while an obvious shock to the body, will eventually heal. What the person is then left with, however, are the emotional wounds and repercussions of the actual traumatic event. Psychological trauma can last for many years, and if unresolved, can even become more devastating than the original traumatic event.

Millions of people affected each year by any number of traumas like natural disasters, fires, war, or even those that have no physical component such as the death of a friend or an acrimonious divorce or break up. The bottom line is, after the physical wounds heal, the majority of people are still left to deal with the psychological aftermath of these traumatic experiences. If left unchecked, these emotional wounds can quickly fester into serious lasting psychological issues. Through counseling and therapy however, you can learn to release these emotional binds and just as the physical wounds of trauma eventually heal, so will the psychological scars.

What Causes Psychological Trauma?
As horrific as the traumatic event may seem, it’s not actually the event itself that causes someone to become traumatized. It’s that person’s internal reaction to the event that determines the degree and intensity of their trauma. This is why two people can be in the same plane crash for example, and one person can go on with life as usual after the event but the other almost immediately falls to pieces. Both people experience the same event but their reactions to that event have very different psychological implications. Much of how someone reacts is directly related to their history, coping skills, and emotional stability at the time. We also now know that when you experience a traumatic event, the structure and functioning capabilities of your brain are physically affected.

There are any number of traumatic events, but generally, they are categorized as either one-time or single-incident events or repeated, long-term traumas. One-time traumas include such things as hurricanes, plane crashes, rape, robbery, or the death of somebody. These types of traumas can result from natural causes or be deliberately inflicted by another person. A long term trauma is the result of a prolonged horrific experience such as an individual held captive or one who is repeatedly abused. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a frequent result of long-term trauma.

What Are the Symptoms of Someone who has been Traumatized?
Traumatic experiences can produce emotional, cognitive, and physical repercussions. Emotionally, trauma victims can become anxious, depressed, fearful, and withdrawn. They can have recurring panic attacks. Mentally, if you have experienced a trauma you will likely also experience concentration problems; you could have problems remembering things, and feel distracted much of the time. In extreme cases, people experience flashbacks of the event, nightmares, amnesia, and intense feelings of guilt. Physically, many people have eating and sleeping problems. They are regularly exhausted and often, they develop unexplained chronic pain.

How Do I Know When to Get Help?
Trauma can affect anyone at any age. The effects can be mild or severe, creating extreme psychological issues. Any symptoms of trauma should be taken seriously. In some cases however, the effects of trauma can manifest months and even years after the event, so in actuality, it can be difficult to recognize the symptoms. Often people feel they are weak for needing help, especially when they compare themselves to others who may have endured the same traumatic experience. But it is important to remember that everyone reacts differently to trauma and there is no guideline as to how and what someone should feel. What we do know is that the sooner you deal with the symptoms of trauma, the better chance you have for a full recovery and to be free of the effects of these events. If left unresolved, emotional trauma can affect your daily choices and functioning and ultimately, it can manifest into serious psychological disorders with lasting effects. Just as we need help to heal the physical effects of trauma, we also need help to heal the emotional wounds. Counseling offers a safe and supportive environment to work through these issues.

Counseling for the Resolution of Trauma
Working with a Values-Based counselor to address the effects of a trauma can be a confusing and frightening task to begin. Whether the events occurred in childhood, five years ago, or last week, the impact of these troubling situations is not something we are taught how to resolve. Often, the thought of going through the events again and seemingly reliving the tragedy may appear more than we can bear. When you work with a Theravive counselor who has been professionally trained in the resolution for trauma, he or she understands this apprehension and is committed to working through these issues at whatever pace is comfortable and safe for you.

Many times, we learn how to cope and manage the symptoms of a trauma. Whether this is learning to calm ourselves when we experience a panic attack upon the reminder of an event, or seeking solace in our friends when we experience depression or sadness over the effects of the trauma. While these are important and helpful methods to manage the symptoms, a trauma counsellor focuses on resolution of the originating feelings and emotions that require coping skills into the future. If individuals have a lack of safety or security as a result of an event that left them exposed, vulnerable, or violated, trauma counseling begins by establishing a sense of safety for the individual.

The Importance of the Crisis Counselor
The trauma counsellor utilizes specialized techniques to identify and work through the emotions that have been internalized from the event. Often, individuals do not think “I should be afraid”, rather it becomes a state of being that is used to protect from potential harm. However, when this protection leaves the individual feeling anxious rather than safe, or sad about past events rather than focused on future possibilities, the coping mechanisms lose their usefulness. It is at this point that we see many individuals seek crisis counselling, as the current coping skills are no longer able to manage the symptoms. For some, this collapse of internal coping mechanisms can result in an emotional and psychological breakdown.

We provide and refer counselors specially trained in trauma counseling who work to resolve the negative emotions that remain from the experiences you endured. Freedom from the overwhelming emotions and feelings is possible resulting in fewer burdens and an ability reclaim your life and future.



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Avoid Drinking Sugar Cane Juice

Please take 2 mins to read this.This email was sent by a friend whose father is working with the Ministry of the Environment in S'pore.
Health News - About Sugar Cane Drinks
A friend whose father works for the government health inspection passed on his info. Their job is to inspect all hawkers, their cooked food, their store hygiene, etc. They found sugar cane juice has the highest content of bacteria among all food.. In fact, it has exceeded the set limit.
Hence, these guys had to find out why. They went round all sugar cane stores and watched the way the hawkers handled their sugar cane, wash their glasses, their entire procedure. But they couldn't find the problem.
One day, they stayed till closing time and discovered some shocking facts! Whenever, the hawkers closed their stores, they would wash the floor with detergent.. As we know, the remaining sugar canes will be placed at the back of the store, vertically standing and as sugar canes are very porous, they tend to absorb whatever liquid around them. Besides the soapy water, the dirt on hawkers' boots, cats' urine, etc, will all be absorbed?? Now, whenever I eat at a hawker centre, I would warn all my friends about this and of course I stopped drinking my favorite sugar cane juice.
A friend, who loved sugar cane juice, was pregnant. She was always drinking sugar cane juice. Anyway, one day she miscarried and the fetus was already like 6 or 7 months old, I think. When the doctors did an autopsy to find out why all of a sudden the fetus had died inside her, they found traces of some chemical substance, which was found in cat urine. Large traces of it.
While it would not be able to harm adults, it was extremely toxic to babies, what more a fetus? So they tried to determine how this cat urine thing could have ended up in the fetus.. This meant that it had to be digested by the mother, right? And the only logical conclusion they could come up with was that since these sugar cane juice stall holders just leave the canes lying around on the wet and dirty floor, it would not be impossible to think that stray cats could have peed on those sugar canes or near those sugar canes. So think carefully the next time you order that favorite sugar cane juice!
Please pass this on to everyone you know in S'pore & M'sia.. Let's take action to make this world a better & safer place for all of us & the generations to come..

Poisonous Spider

Three women in North Florida turned up at hospitals over a 5-day period, all with the same symptoms. Fever, chills, and vomiting, followed by muscular collapse, paralysis and finally, death..
There were no outward signs of trauma.
Autopsy results showed toxicity in the blood. These women did not know each other and seemed to have nothing in common. It was discovered, however, that they had all visited the same Restaurant (Olive Garden) within days of their deaths. The Health Department descended on the restaurant , shutting it down. The food, water, and air conditioning were all inspected and tested, to no avail.
The big break came when a waitress at the restaurant was rushed to the hospital with similar symptoms. She told doctors that she had been on vacation, and had only went to the restaurant to pick up her check.
She did not eat or drink while she was there, but had used the restroom.
That is when one toxicologist, remembering an article he had read, drove out to the restaurant, went into the restroom and lifted the toilet seat .
Under the seat, out of normal view , was a small spider. The spider was captured and brought back to the lab, where it was determined to be the Two-Striped Telamonia (Telamonia dimidiata), so named because of its reddened flesh color. This spider's venom is extremely toxic, but can take several days to take effect. They live in cold, dark, damp climates, and toilet rims provide just the right atmosphere.
Several days later a lawyer from Jacksonville showed up at a hospital emergency room. Before his death, he told the doctor, that he had been away on business, had taken a flight from Indonesia , changing planes in Singapore , before returning home. He did NOT visit (Olive Garden), while there. He did (as did all of the other victims) have what was determined to be a puncture wound, on his right buttock. Investigators discovered that the flight he was on had originated in India .
The Civilian Aeronautics Board (CAB) ordered an immediate inspection of the toilets of all flights from India and discovered the Two-Striped Telamonia (Telamonia dimidiata) spider's nests on 4 different planes!
It is now believed that these spiders can be anywhere in the world .
So please, before you use a public toilet, lift the seat to check for spiders. It can save your life!
这类毒蛛，喜藏身于阴暗凉爽处，如洗手间，马桶盖下，有剧毒。已有不少人死亡。

孩子犯错怎么办?

许多父母都爱问这句话。世上没有十全十美的孩子,除非你能做到十全十美的父母。孩子都是从错中学习。许多父母就是犯了—个毛病就是忘了自己也曾经做过小孩子,一旦发现孩子有犯错行为,不知如何处理,往往造成了巨大的压力。除了加倍处罚外,也想不到更佳的方法了。处罚,不是不可以, 但如果方法不对,孩子不但没有从错中学习反而会变本加励.外罚,一定要有教育的成份,让孩子能明白与觉悟自己的错误行为.
我时常接到父母的投诉关于孩子的犯错行为,最普通的就是偷钱与说谎. 其他也包括懒惰, 不爱学习等. 更严重的是滥交损友,学习不良好的习惯如抽烟,赌博,吸毒等. 处理的方法也各有差别这期我只针对偷钱的问题, 会偷钱的小孩子—定会说谎. 许多关于孩子犯错的问题不是三言两语就能解答。更不能在很短的时间内,开出一个良方就可以解决孩子偷钱的问题.
首先我要了解孩子的成长过程, 是否他家人也有这种坏习惯. 有时大人的所做所为形成居广了孩子学习的榜样。比如说, 我的学校有位同学数次被捉到偷钱. 校方便请他的母亲来检讨这问题. 卻没想到孩子的妈一点也不警讶, 还说: “他偷了多少钱?我赔!” 过后这位同学被叫来见我, 经过盘问, 据了解原来偷钱对他来说亚不是什么大不了的事情.他的母亲也时常偷公私的东西回家. 这种不诚实的行为让孩子看到了, 自然的对偷盗这种行为不觉得有什么不妥。可见得父母是孩子的傍样。
这里要讲到的是父母的价值现 。有时父母对诈骗或偷窃案件作出一些评语反映出父母的对此事的立场。若在那儿听到或报张的报导有关类式的新闻时，便半开玩笑地说出做些评语：“要做就做大单的就说你励害！”。类式的评语对孩子来讲这是一个很矛盾的价值观，到底诈骗或偷窃是对还是错呢？所以，要孩子不偷窃，做父母的要坚定立场，撤底地反对这种行为。遇到类式的新闻报导时就要刻意对家人说：“这是一种不道德的行为，捉到不但要坐牢，連累到父母家人也失去尊严。”一个有尊严的孩子，必定不会做出让他或家人丢脸的事情，所以父母必要栽培孩子的自尊心。一方面也要栽培良好的行为及善良的心。教孩子佈施，多做善事，帮助贫苦人家。多在孩子面前赞扬好人，让孩子清楚善恶之分。
対于有偷钱行为的孩子，父母必须明白他偷钱的原因何在；是不是他很需要某些东西而父母必定拒绝反対？或者他是有心理问题，每次偷窃成功就感到很刺激？也有可能他在外面做出一些隐瞒父母的事情。不管是什么理由，一旦发现孩子有偷钱的习惯，父母要把钱财收好。必免贪念起成了诱惑。
发现钱不见了，父母先不要太激动。也不要马上指定是孩子偷。先暗示你已经知道这件事。叫他来盘问时，必须单獨和他谈，不要惊动全部人。这是为了不要摧毁孩子的自尊心。要明白孩子是很在乎你对他的信任，你一旦宣布对他已失去信任，他以后也没有必対你诚实。如果孩子承认过错，不要立刻打他，因为这样你会鼓励他说谎。先赞扬他的诚实，才惩罚他。惩罚的方法很多，不一定是体责。比如说：扣他的零用钱，罚他做家务，暂时沒收他喜爱的东西等。最重要的是你要让他明白他的行为是错的。也许你会问我，如果孩子偷钱已成了爱好怎么办？打都打了，骂也骂了，还是有这个毛病，应该如何处理呢？为了消除偷窃的刺激感，我本身惯用的方法是把一合散钱放在某地方，然后对他说：你如果不夠钱用就在这里拿，让我知道你要買什么就行了。结果，孩子会失去了那种刺激感，也没必要偷了。我盡量必免用“偷” 那个字眼，因为我不想扁低孩子的人格。我预先对每个孩子说，如果需要钱可以和我商量。有时孩子的需求不合理，我就会和他妥协，让他明白家里的经濟狀况。且记住，不要每一次都拒绝他，导致他必要“偷” 才能满足需求。在这方面父母也可以栽培孩子节俭的习惯，鼓励他们存钱。我时常和孩子讨论家庭的情况，有时爭求他们的竟见，培养他们的责任感，这样他们才不会做出対家庭有伤害的事。

滥交不是自由

一位離家出走，芳龄才十四岁的少女发个信息给我：“老師，我離开家了因为我要自由。” 出身于单亲家庭的丽莎是个问题学生。因为滥交和亂花钱，与母亲时常发生冲击。最后母亲已心灰意冷了，已不再管她。“老师，让她去吧！我已经精疲力竭，徹底的失败，这孩子我沒有办法管教。”每天与男孩子结班成群地在外头遊义不919必急着要长大荡，不到三更不回来。还有她的电话一百元可以在一个星期内用光。母亲限制她，她说母亲没有给她自由。
许多离家出走的个案,多数以寻求自由为理由. 然而,自由是什么来东西呢? 相信这些少女未曾能真正了解。自由是出於内心,—种轻松没有约束的感受。但这未必是一件好事。人不可能有绝对的自由,为了必免人会滥用自由去侵犯别人或伤害自己, 自由必须有限制性的。一个未成年的少女未能辨别好坏,对与错的，更不知外面人心多险恶. 明知山中有虎,难到爱你的父母还是让你向虎上山行吗?不管母亲如何歉告，丽莎不但没有改过，反而更变本加励。两个人已不能再沟通。许多人似丽莎—样,只顾贪玩, 寻求刺激, 加上色情的诱惑; 无知的少女还以为自己踏上了伟大的爱情…这一切己足够限制自由的理由. 如果你的所唯自由是滥交,浪费金钱与时间, 还有学习不良好行为; 这不是自由,是愚蠢, 是无知! 最后是短送了自己的前途.
有些错可以更改, 但有些错永远没有机会更改. 古人说: —失足成千古恨聚. 许多青少年生在福中不知福. 不要急着要长大, 那日子—定会来锦工9给框9哪时续你将会明白至真的自由.

望子成龙

有位母亲致电求救：“我的孩子最近变了，在学校时常不交功课，被同学发现他把功课藏在巴士上。” 我约他们面谈。小明，一个9岁的小男孩，黯淡的神色顯出他心中的忧愁。９岁的男孩应该是活泼、淘气、快乐的年齡，而小明卻那么沮丧，似有很多心事压住他。经过审查才了解小明的问题。
小明的妈剛与丈夫离婚，小明从小就由姑姑撫养。姑姑也是有工做，所以一早就得送小明去安亲班。一星期两次去另地方補英语和国语两科目。时间到了就从安亲班那边踏巴士上学校。本来是很圆满的安排，为何小明会出问题呢？
“学校的功课太多做不完，有时不明白不会做。”
“不明白为什么不问？”
“不敢问，老师很兇。” 小明的头更低了，淚水在眼角边。
“晚上在姑姑那边功课不能做完吗？” 他搖搖头，淚水就掉下来。我接着问：“早上在安亲班那边也可以做功课吧。” 小明搖头道：“安亲班的老师另有给功课，做学校的功课不能超过两本。”
“如果学校有功课做不完，而安亲班的老师也给功课，你选做那一个？” 出乎我意料，他答：“安亲班。” 理由是：“安亲班的老师更兇，做不完功课就中打。”
小明的故事反映出当今马来西亚千千萬萬个华裔儿童的悲哀。天下父母都很緊张孩子的教育问题，但又不懂得如何处理，以为多就是好。除了学校日常上课，还送孩子去各式各样的補习班。小学的功课是異常的多，这是大家都共认的事实。学校也有安排列外的補习班；还有课外活动等。相信小同学回来已经精疲力竭了，吃了飯马上趕做功课，不然会挨到三更半夜还不能做完。星期六、日还要去補习。曾经有位母亲投诉，“做到晚上两点，有些功课我叫他哥哥姐姐帮忙才能完成。” 当时那位母亲很生气。我心想，老师呀！你用心良苦，但得不赏识。是不是我们太认真了，忘了在学院读过的儿童心理学？我们大人在儿童身上施的压力，久之，孩子对学习起了厌恶心，想逃避学校生涯；因为学校给他太痛苦的感受。现在已不难看得到，许多中学生不肯求学，半途放棄的，华裔学生站大多数。像小明这样的年纪，我替他算算，一天大概要花上１５个钟头面对功课。试问大人，你能不能１５个钟头不停地工做？
那天我得空与大儿子闲聊，他说：“我记得小时候很快乐，妈妈时常帶我们去公园玩，去海边、去旅遊等。偶而我会梦到童年时代，心中那种喜悦还在。为什么现在的孩子那么悲哀？” 我开玩笑地回答他：“因为那时候的補习老师赚不到吃，沒有人要教補习。” 我的大儿子畢业于新加坡国立大学，现已获硕士学位，已成家立业。
父母要孩子快乐学习，且记千萬别施太大的压力。是否要補习看他本人需不需要。小学时代，父母花多些时间陪孩子学习〔如上期提过〕。上了中学可能有些科目孩子需要補助才让他去補习。最重要是要栽培孩子能自动自发，就不怕他不肯学习。

美满婚姻的需求

大明31岁, 工程师. 美娜27岁,书记. 网上交友认识. 交往数月决定同居.同居两年才结婚。婚后育有两子女。女儿3岁,儿子2个多月。婚后两年,生活还算甜蜜, 第三年起, 大明开始对美娜不满。他觉得美娜很懒,不肯做家务,更不会,煮食。大明放工回来,不但吃不到老婆煮的佳肴,还必须自己下厨, 老婆呢,躺在沙发看电观。家里更不用说乱七八糟了。大明从忍耐到埋怨,埋怨到生气,也改变不了美娜的作风。理由是,美娜不认为自己有错。从小到大,她的父母没要求过她做家务,一切都由佣人包办,没必要自己动手。大明这样的要求是想把她当成免费佣人。而大明出身在一个传统家庭,习惯了女人除了要相夫教子,出得厅堂也要入得厨房。
起初美娜也依他每次放工回来赶着煮吃, 不到几久,她感到很累。放工回来己经精疲力倦,还要做家务, 美娜觉得这样不公平, 因为大家都—样在外工做, 为什么只有女人要负担家务。第—次吵驾为了这个问题。为了解决问题,他们请了一个印尼女佣。两个孩子还是给保母带。第二个孩子出世后,开销也增加了。大明认为美娜应该负责一些费用。美娜不干心,她认为尊尼无权管她的钱财。就这样一天小吵两天大吵, 两个人开始很少谈话。这情况维持到六个月之久。
导火线那天是因为女儿耍脾气不肯吃饭, 大明顺手拿起滕鞭恐吓她,美娜就赶快抱走她。每想到大明既然生气, 叫美娜不要插手他管教孩子,不然连美娜也一起打。美娜不依, 大明就挥鞭打下去,打中了女儿的脚和老婆的手。这回事情可闹大了,第二天, 大明造常出去工做,回来时发现老婆孩子都不见了。后来获知被外家带走了。临走前还去报警,控他以暴力对待妻女。大明可吃不下这口气, 又警告,又恐吓,弄到事情更疆。大明的岳母致电马华辅导中心求救。
了解状况后, 分析他们的问题。最重要的观点是双方是想要怎样。大明表明他不想离婚,而美娜也诚认还爱尊尼, 只是失去了对他的信心。辅导的枝能, 不是帮他们解决问题, 而是在过程中引导他们思考发掘问题的根源, 以客观的角度理解整个事件后,自己找出解决方案。
俩个人一旦结了婚,就必须明白婚后的责任。俩个人既然决定要生活在一起,就得放下以前的生活习惯,因为以前的习惯可能已经不实合现在的环境。婚姻,是俩个人一起走的路。不论是钱财也好,家务也好,大家一起来分担。现代己经是男女平等的时代,许多伟统观念已经受淘汰。在管教孩子方面,夫妻必须拥手合作。多些向成功人士学习。外面有不少类式书报及心理学家的名作品可做参考。管教孩子,千万不可情绪化。打孩子若有发拽的动机会造成大错。而且法律上也不容许家长以暴力对代儿童。爱情,如一颗种子,婚姻是长出的苗。要开花结果是靠不断的灌概栽培,才会幸福美满。

张锦璇硕士
马华关丹区会辅导主任
彭亨马华志工团辅导主任
电话: 095171525/ 0129883060

培育优秀的孩子

黃女士是本市镇有名的产业经纪人。她承认自己沒受过教育，连汔车也不会驾驶，但她卻能在自己的行业内撞天下，几天年内赚百萬。她育有四子女，每个都出人头地。老大还拿到新加坡政府的奖学金去伦敦剑桥大学深造，其他的孩子也出生於本地名大学。她的成功不谨於事业，连家庭,婚姻也是美满幸福。这里我願与大家分享黄女士成功的秘诀。
“我相信爱的教育。” 她很坚定地说，“许多父母只会打骂，以为打骂就是教育。有些甚至毒打，骂粗口等，最后孩子憎恨父母，不但不成材，还变成社会败类。我们从来不打骂孩子，最重要与他们沟通，互相尊敬，千萬不能伤孩子的自尊心，还要栽培孩子的信心，这样，孩子才不会难教。”
以下我简缩与黄女士交谈的几个要点与大家共勉励
〔一〕父母要以身作则。孩子都是模仿自已的父母亲，因为父母是孩子的第一个偶像。每个父母都希望孩子爱学习，自己卻不喜欢学习，从六十年代至今沒有进步过。很多时候学校〔中学〕办讲座会或其他能提升父母素质的活动，华裔家长很少要参于，藉口是：“不得空。” 今市场内有很多有易的书局供现代父母参考阅读，但有几位妈妈能靜靜地坐在孩子身边一起学习呢？
〔二〕父母牺牲娱乐，配合孩子学习的时间。黄女士说，孩子做功课时她不开电视机，避免干扰孩子的集中力。现在的电视机节目窮出不盡，多数家庭从早到晚在追逐看电视。电视机的引响力远比纳闷的书本来强得多。最后一家人齊齊看电视。我曾经做考察学生放学后如何利用时间。答案是：看电视，玩电腦，和朋友出街，打球等。很少同学说温习功课。为何父母管教不到孩子呢？自己检讨及反省一下，曾为孩子付出多少，想收获多少。
〔三〕道德，人格的培养。许多父母只知道读书重要，卻不注重孩子的人格培养。孩子一定要学习基本做人的道理。黄女士很強调孩子的基本教养。一定要孩子有礼貌，要孝顺老人家，要有责任感，要懂得善恶之分，要自爱，要帮助別人等；加上黄女士是个刻苦耐勞和勤奋的人,成为孩子学习的好榜样，要孩子不成材都难了。一个人格高尚，有价值观的孩子，不管是求学或工做，一定有优良的成级。
我想，黄女士不发掘最重要的一点，就是他们夫妻很和合，家和万事兴。夫妻恩爱家庭和谐，孩子才有安全感。有安全感的孩子自然有信心。有信心的孩子自然清楚自己的前途目標，加上本身拥有的美德和父母的鼓励及支持，孩子走上成功大道。

十六岁的优愁

十六岁，花般的年龄，经过一次失恋，小梅就企图自杀,不果, 整日关闭自己，不肯上学。小梅对人生已经绝望。出生在小康之家，上有兄长下有弟妹，家庭人员也和谐相处，怎样猜也猜不出她悲观的理由。那天我收到小梅的信息：“老师，你说死亡是什么颜色？我说是白色。对我来讲,死,只是一个解脱。” 我立刻回息：”死, 没有颜色，像水晶般，那就是你父母白爱你十六年的眼淚。”
人生不要错过。人从生到死都要经过不同的阶段。，每个阶段都在演不同的角色。十六岁应该是在学校求学，準備考试。这时候是的你该立下目标在策划未来的时候。求学的日子只有是短短的十几年，但这十几年的努力将确定往后五十年的日子。得空时,请你注意你身边的人，你该发现到你身边是有很多朋友, 还有不少关心你及爱你的人。你可以和他们生活在一起,享受人生。十六岁的人生冲满活力，是人生最烂滥的年代。小梅，不管你有什么挫折，你可以信赖身边的父母，他们才是世界上最爱你的人。你的失恋，也不算是真正的失恋，必盡、你们也没有真正恋爱过。真爱,是能经得起考验的。真爱一?慎
处于这个年龄的少男女情怀初开.第一次喜欢上异性朋友, 以为就此能天长地久。太天真了!所以像小梅这种内向的女孩女会受伤得很利害。类式的问题也是当今许多父母面对及担心的问题。若不小心处理,会造成大错。
做父母,不要以为你心中的宝贝永远长不大。要多注意孩子成长的过程,特别是心理的需求。这时候的孩子心灵开始有变化, 对朋友亲过对父母。因为父母”不能了解他们的代心.”所以偶而父母必需扮演朋友的角色, 多与他们沟通。父母要有耐心聆听他们诉说, —方面也必需教育他们关于成长各方面的变化, 如性教育等。这个时期的孩子的心灵很复杂, 而且很柔盾。他们是懂非懂。有很多问题想知道又不敢问父母。许多早熟的孩子与父母沟通问题有关。基本上每个人都要人爱, 如果在家感受不到爱, 那么他们就在外面寻找爱。所以父母时时要谨慎他们的暗示, 一旦发现孩子开始有爱人, 也不必太大惊小怪, 要提醒他们关于他们现在的处景,前途及目标。让他们明白自己的心。

Jenny

这是—个很辣手的个案。珍妮十岁时己经开始学坏,她学会抽烟,偷钱, 说谎,滥交和用暴力。她父亲在她没出世前已经和母亲离婚. 母亲管教不到,十三岁就送她进私人感化院。在感化院里认识—位阿姐;不到三个月阿姐带她逃走。逃到一个市镇,那边有人接手,带她们去赚钱。除了接客,她还学会吸毒。什么毒品都试过,包括大麻,白粉,冰毒及摇头丸。三个星期后又给人找回来,回到母亲身边。—个小女孩怎么会变成那么坏呢?
珍妮小时候,母亲在酒廊工作. 珍妮时常去酒廊等母亲.五颜六彩的生活无意中引响了珍妮的心里成长。在酒廊里有位安娣偷偷教珍妮吸烟. 她开始学坏,母亲没有法子就处罚 她.处罚的方式有许多, 包括用棍打,用有刺的树枝打, 用狗链及用烟蒂等. 她被妈妈打后心里很柔盾, 想哭又 想笑。哭的是皮肉痛, 笑的是能弄到妈妈生气。
我头一次见珍妮的时候,她的样子像二十多岁的女人, 然而他才十三岁。她说,人生没有什么意义,可以说是绝望.有想过自杀但没有勇气. 她很想离家出走。虽然那一段日子很堕落,但总比家里快乐的多。母亲动不动就打开大门赶她出去. 她也离家无数次, 但一到街头,走投无路,在外面又冷又饿, 最后还是走回家。珍妮说,她在这个世界是多余的。所以她只想今天,没想过明天。每—次中毒打, 她会起报复的心.她说,我一定要弄妈妈更心痛. 有一句话妈妈打她时括在嘴边讲: “爸爸不要我就是因为你带来的衰运. 你是扫巴星.” 这句话令珍妮很伤心,自责. 她对我说:”老师, 我—出世就是罪人,干吗要我做好人.”
孩子犯错了怎么办? 我会在下期深入讨论这个话题。这期只谈珍妮的个案。每个孩子需要爱。天下父母那个不爱孩子呢? 许多父母以为自己很爱孩子, 但他们爱错了. 爱, 如果不懂, 会变成宠爱或逆爱. 宠爱会导至孩子变坏. 逆爱也会起反效果. 怎样爱孩子才能令孩子感受到你的爱。我们华人的传统观念是, 因为爱你, 才打你. 或打你是因为要教你. 往往父母打孩子时会失控, 变成毒打.相信珍妮的母亲为了珍妮, 受很大的压力. 才以暴力对待珍妮. 珍妮身理的痛远不如心里的痛。珍妮说,她感受不到妈妈的爱. , 珍妮的成长过程没有感受过温心的爱, 叫她如何懂得去爱别人或爱自己呢?
爱要表达出来. 许多人爱在心头囗难开. 我曾问过许多同学: “你们能感受到父母的爱吗?”许多会说, 好像有又好像没有, 理由是, 他们没说过爱我, 不开囗还好,—开口就骂人. 如果你要孩子有爱心就要用爱来栽培他. 除了言语的表达, 还要给他一个触感, 列,拥抱, 握握他的手, 摸摸头等. 对孩子说: 孩子,妈妈疼你.爱的话题,也是长篇大论.在这在里我简单地说,爱,在适当的时候,必要说出来. 爱孩子,不要有条件. 有条件的爱会起柔盾心. 爱,能令—个人感到温馨. 在爱的栽培下, 孩子对自己才有信心. 有信心的人, 对人生充满希望. 这样他才清楚自己要走的方向.这里我做一个比较, 为什么有些孩子爱读书而有些却不爱读书. 道理很简单,第一类的孩子清楚他的人生目标而第二类孩子却没有目标。—个有目标的孩子对人生有价值观, —个有价值感的孩子才会有自尊, 懂得分辨对与错。如果珍妮是有自尊的孩子她就不会做出那些伤人害已的事。
我用很长的时间辅导珍妮。起初和她建立关系,后用同理心听她诉说, 分析问题的根原. 让她挖掘自己解决问题的潜能. 后我灌输道德观念,再社立人生目标. 我也拜访她母亲设法了解她们之间的沟通问题. 我不敢说—定会成功,不过目前珍妮在努力改邪归正. 她和母亲的关系也促渐好转. 她和同年的女孩子一起游戏,—起上课, 真希望她能快乐成长。
生孩子要栽培,不是给她温饱就算了,孩子需要大人的爱才会安全感有安全感的孩子才有自信心了有了信言心才会有木板入9标了解

A Story to live by

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'
有一位瞎女很討厭自己因為眼睛瞎了。她也討厭每個人，唯一不討厭的是她的男朋友，因為他都常守在她身旁。於是她對她的男朋友說：「如果能讓我看到這個世界，我愿意嫁給你！」
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.
有一天，有人捐了一對眼精給她。當紗布解開時，她能夠看到一切，包括她的男朋友。
He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him. 男朋友問她：「現在你可以看到這世界，你愿意嫁給我嗎？」那女孩看了男朋友是個瞎子，他那對蓋上眼皮的眼睛嚇到了她，這是她無法想像。她想：要我嫁給他而一生對�羲�這個樣子，我無法接受。
Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'
於是，她的男朋友很傷心的離開她，幾天後寫了字條給她：「親愛的，請你好好照顧你的眼睛，因為它不是屬於你的之前，它是屬於我的。」
This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.
這也是人的腦會如何做當情況有所變動。只有少許人會記得他或她之前的生活及誰會在身旁當他或她處在困境的時候
Life Is a Gift
生命是一份禮物
Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.
今天，當你要講一句不善之言－－請想想那些無法講話的人
Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
當你要埋怨食物的味道時－－請想想那些沒有食物吃的人
Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.
當你要埋怨你的先生或太太時－－請想想那些在向上天哭訴要一個伴侶的人
Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who died too early on this earth.
今天，當你要埋怨生活時－－請想想那些太早離開人世間的人
Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren. 當你要埋怨小孩時－－請想想那些渴望小孩而無能生育的人
Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.
當你要爭論沒有人清理屋子時－－請想想那些住在街邊的人 Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
當你在哀訴駕駛的路程－－請想想那些同樣的路程以代步的人
And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job. 當你很疲備而埋怨工作時－－請想想那些無工作，殘疾的，及那些多麼希望擁有你這份工作的人
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us is without sin.
當你想要指著人或互相譴責時－－請記得沒有一個人是無罪
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile your face and think: you're alive and still around.當壓抑的念頭讓你無法振作時－－請你笑一笑想想：你還活著存在世間！
I PRAY THIS MOVES AROUND THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE...
我祈禱這訊息能夠繼續傳至全人類...............

Life is just like this

我们 一出世，就被教 导做个好孩子
拼命的 读书，好了读完书了。大学也毕业 了。拼命的做工，赚 多多的钱。。。拼命的存钱 ，买房子，车子，保 险
不小心找到了老婆，好了，结 婚了，钱也用完了
再 拼命的做工，好了30岁了，开 始瓶颈。。。再拼 命的读PARTTIME，好了，学位高了。。。
拼 命的抚 育孩子，好了，孩子 读书了。。。
拼命的灌 输孩子要努力读书 。。。。
自己拼 命的做工。。。学位高了，压 力也高了。。。
回到家，妻子照顾孩子，不得空理 你。。孩子忙着读书 ，不得空理你。。
月头，样样都是 钱。
孩子和你 拿钱 。妻子和你拿钱房子和你拿钱保险和你拿钱车子和你拿钱
过年了，更加多钱
除了以上，
母亲和你拿钱红包和你拿钱旅行和你拿钱NIKE，LEVI，PRADA ，GUCCI，REEBOK ，PADINI。。。和你拿钱海外天也可能和你拿钱
40 岁，男人危机。。。拼命的工作，保住职位。。。成了大家眼中的势利同事。。。开始害怕失去工作，开始留意年 轻同事。。。想读书，钱，没有了，想换工，薪金高，岁数大，难讨新工想尽办法，还是不能爬上经理职位，还被一个年轻人上了位。。
孩子开始读中学了，和你拿更多的钱。父亲节，拿你给的钱，买了你没有用的东西。。。。房子! 还是和你要钱车子旧了，开始不听话了。。。还是要给钱! 妻子也是一样和你拿钱，旦绝对没有收条给你看。夫妻要信任
好不容易熬过50 了，要退休了，无风无浪。。。虽 然压力大，新上司意见多多，不要紧。我顶！
就要拿公积金咯！但是孩子要出国读书-- <>
好了，公 积 精拿完出来了，一大半给了孩子，剩下的给了妻子
还是回到零。。。退休了，不用做？？？不能几十年没有呆在家，忽然和妻子相处。。。妻子看不顺眼丈夫无所事事，命令丈夫开始学做家事，！
扫地，抹地，剪草，洗车，样样都要做。。。
好了，房子供完了。。。车子也没有什么架了。。。
开始 觉得人生很无奈，自己从一个提款机，最后变成了一个佣人。
孩子出国回来了，拍了一些照片。。。开始找工了。。。
毕业=失业 ， 工难找! ，最后找到一份只可以养活自己的工作。还是要住在家里。。。吃，交通。去的薪金的一大半。。所以只是意思意思的给RM100给父母做伙食费。。
3年过 去了，孩子好不容易累计的工作经验，薪金高了。。。但是却开始要买辆汽车代步。。。母亲帮助 +自己储蓄，给了头期。。。有了汽车，费用也多了。。还是意思意思给 RM200作伙食费
好不容易的工作开始稳定了，但是却认识了一个女朋友。。。开始了人生计划。。。要 买房子了。。。
由于车子+ 女朋友费用太大，还是不能给伙食费太多，而且女朋友说 3? ?计划，全部钱要储蓄。。。
2 年后，终于买了房子，买了房子，开始要结婚了。。。
我终于有用途了，被叫去提亲。。什么都不可以多说，全部老婆讲。自己讲些客套话就行了。。。
摆酒，婚礼，旅行。。。用了一大笔+ 母亲储蓄+ 我剩下的公积精
我还是回归零，。。。继续的剪草，扫地，做家务。。。
结婚了后，孩子很少会来了，忙着自己的家庭。。。偶尔假日才回来看看父母。。。每个月意思意思的给 RM200 。孩子自己也困难了。要维持自己的家庭
好了，30 年前的计划希望能够开始，旅行！！
大事不妙，媳妇怀孕了，生了个孩子。。。母亲代抚养，因 为媳妇孩子都做工
本来平静的退休生活又再次起了涟漪。。。每天就要照顾孙子，晚上他哭我就跟着醒，开始学习新的技术，喂奶，包尿片，唱歌，拍手掌。。。
孩子每个月意思意思的给多RM300 ，当着是孙子的伙食费 。。。
照顾了5 年后，孙子大了，孩子抱回去了，一切回归平静。忽然想起 30 年前的约定，决定和妻子去旅行。。。。
还是去不成了，妻子年级大了，病痛也多了。。。自己的腰骨也常闹别扭。。。医生说要多休息。。。孩子已经抱回孙子，每个月意思意思的给回 RM300 伙食费
惟有呆在家里看电视。。。。一天早上，妻子看见为什么老头没有起来扫地。。。想去房里骂我，但我已经回到天国去了。。。
孩子为我做了后事。。。
最后我成了一张照片。
人生就是如此讽刺。。。呵呵

Politician has a warm heart

Many people think that politician is a fake fellow who comes with a purpose.He wants names, fame's and he is not genuine.But I think politician has a warm heart. I had been mixing around with politicians lately and I see they respond quickly to people who need helps.They concern about the well being of the public.Though they have to fight for the positions among themselves but for a purpose, I think, "To serve the people". David is my good friend and he is a politician. One day ,late in the evening he called me to help a lady who has no home to go back to.David paid for her food and accommodation for the night. We dealt with this case for many days and at last settled.Whenever there is a case, David quickly visits the victim and shows his concern, sympathy and empathy. Franky is another politician whom I knew for a long time. Before Franky was elected as the representative, he is a helpful man. He always help people for no purpose. He is kind hearted, as I said, he got a warm heart.In short I would say that without a warm heart, you wouldn't choose to be a politician. Many people don't want to be a politician. Not all politician can become rich, though some were, many of them giving more than taking.I remember my friends once warned me : You mustn't be too close with those politician, one day they use you for their purposes and you will get hurt. But I didn't take the advice because I have a different opinion about politicians. I can feel their warm hearts. They themselves might not realise it, but this is a character they must own to be a politician. I am nothing in compare to them. If in this life people can use you, that mean you are useful.I want to say this to the politician , you know why you want to be a politician? Because you have a warm heart!!