Busy Body

試衣間的祕密

2010-03-18T06:30:00.000-07:00

請大家注意！不論在國內或國外的試衣間，試穿衣服時都應提高警覺！
男性朋友也請轉告你的女朋友、老婆還有家人。
試衣間的祕密? 女性朋友一定要認真看完，注意自我安全啊！現下萬惡的社會……朋友發給我一篇報導，現轉給各位看看，出門在外，千萬小心、小心千萬！
一對新婚夫婦到巴黎度蜜月。在巴黎，妻子在一間時尚服裝店試衣服，身為丈夫的，就在試衣間外等候。但等候多時，卻不見妻子走出來？緊張的丈夫，要求店員幫忙到裡頭查看，卻意外發現試衣間空無一人？丈夫以為妻子開玩笑、作弄人，要讓他緊張！於是先回到酒店等她回來。幾小時之後，卻不見妻子的蹤影？才知事態嚴重！丈夫趕忙報警，並到巴黎所有服裝店和醫院詢問妻子的下落。三星期過去了，妻子猶如從人間蒸發，音訊全無？傷心的丈夫，只能收拾包袱回到自己的家園。由於無法從絕望中振作，丈夫無心工作，甚至獨自生活，決定把自己放逐，流浪到世界各地。幾年後，他心血來潮，到一破舊的屋子參觀－－畸形秀（FREAK SHOW）。他見到一具生鏽的鐵籠裡，有一女人，她的四肢全無，身軀（包括臉部）猶如破布般殘破並充滿疤痕。她在地上扭曲著，並發出有如野獸般的呻吟聲。突然間，男人驚恐地發出尖叫聲！他從那毫無人樣的女人臉上，見到他再也熟悉不過, 屬于他新婚不久就告失蹤的妻子臉上的紅色胎記。
另一版本則發生在上海。
幾年前，一女子通知公安：她的表妹在上海市集購物時，無故失蹤了，可是遍尋不著？直到五年後，一友人撞見這位表妹，在泰國曼谷街道上行乞。恐怖的是：她不知何故？沒了雙手、雙腳，身子被鐵鏈綁在燈柱旁。
這是在某一對夫婦去香港遊玩時，發生的故事。
一對夫妻，不知不覺走入了全香港治安最壞的地區的一家精品店裡。妻子對店裡的衣服樣式十分喜歡，隨後就進入試衣間試衣。可是，先生在外頭等了又等，卻不見妻子出來？由於實在是等太久了，所以先生開門進去找她，可是試衣間裡早已空空如也？他吃驚地向店員詢問：妻子到那裡去了？可是店員們卻好像是串通好了一樣，都說：沒有看見。並堅持根本沒有像他妻子這樣的人來過店裡。因此，他只好請當地的警察協助，搜索這家精品店，可是卻一無所獲？後來，他又一個人找了一段時間，直到他的簽證到期。最後不得已，他就在找不到妻子的情況下回國了。之後，經過了一年……他向公司請了一段長假，再一次回到香港去找他的妻子。他帶著妻子的相片，走遍香港的大街小巷，但這次仍是一點線索也沒有？終於假期就要結束了，他身心疲憊地開始考慮要回國的時候，有一天，無意間經過了一間珍奇小屋。小屋的看板上寫著：達磨（不倒翁）。雖然他對珍奇事物並不感興趣，但由於連日疲勞，他想讓自己改變一下心情，加上看板上寫著：「達磨」的文字，也引起他的興趣。最後，他決定進去瞧瞧。但是，他不該進去的。因為珍奇小屋裡面，展出一件令他慘不忍睹的東西，小屋裡的舞台上，
有一位手腳都被切斷的全裸女性，被當成花瓶一樣擺在那裡！這位女性的舌頭已經被拔掉了，不斷發出奇怪的呻吟聲。看到這麼噁心的東西，真令他恨不得馬上拔腿就跑。但不知為什麼，他心裡感受到一股奇怪的氣氛？於是，他又重新仔細看那女人的面孔…… 沒錯！這女人正是他一年前失蹤的妻子。後來，他向當地的黑道，支付龐大的贖金，換取妻子剩下的軀幹。但一切都太遲了，他可憐的妻子早就已經瘋了。現下她還住在國內某家醫院，繼續不斷地發出奇怪的呻吟聲……
最近有人告訴我，他的朋友在晚上聽到門口有嬰兒在哭，不過當時已經很晚了，而且她認為這件事很奇怪？於是，她打電話給警察。警察告訴她：「無論如何，絕對不要開門。」這位女士表示：那聲音聽起來，像是嬰兒爬到窗戶附近哭，她擔心嬰兒會爬到街上被車子碾過。警察告訴她：我們已派人前往，無論如何都不能開門。警方認為這是一個連續殺人犯，利用嬰兒哭聲的錄音帶，誘使女性以為有人在外面遺棄嬰兒而出門察看。雖然尚未證實此事，但是警方已經接到許多女性打電話來說，她們晚上獨自在家時，聽到門外有嬰兒的哭聲？請將這個消息傳給其他人，不要因為聽到嬰兒的哭聲而開門。請嚴肅看待這封電子郵件，真有這麼離譜嗎？一切小心為妙！
以前聽說大活人現場失蹤，後來被賣到馬戲團、被賣器官什麼的，只當做是天方夜譚。結果真的看到，發生在真實中的恐怖故事，事情是同事們發郵件告知的。她的朋友，簡稱小 A吧！上周和兩個女孩子，簡稱小B和小 C，去逛羅湖商業城（羅湖商業城是深圳假貨集散地，龍蛇混雜，緊靠深圳火車站和香港的羅湖口岸，人流量非常大）。話說小C內急，就去上衛生間，小A 和小 B在洗手間外面等。等了很久、很久，還是不見小C出來？兩個人覺得有點奇怪，於是進去催她。誰知道進去一看，人影全無？兩個人倒吸了一口冷氣，打手機也沒人接？一個大活人，難道就這麼活不見人、死不見尸的失蹤了？於是，她們趕緊報警. 警察來了，問清事情經過以後，說了一句令人無比毛骨悚然的話：「妳們有沒有看見其他可疑的人進去？」兩個人再三回憶，最後異口同聲的說：「沒有。」因為不可能有人帶著一個活生生的人出來，而她們不注意到。這時候，小A突然想起來，其間有個清潔工打扮的人，推著一輛清潔小車進去、接著又出來…… 警察告訴她們，這種事情已經不是第一次發生，現下深圳警方初步懷疑一個犯罪團伙，有組織地在管理疏鬆的低檔商業城，利用人們（尤其是女性）對清潔工沒有防範意識的心理，進行有組織地綁架、販賣人體器官犯罪。別忘了，羅湖商業城離香港和深圳火車站有多麼地近。現下已經幾天過去了，那個可憐的小C姑娘，仍是活不見人、死不見尸。我的同事說：小A（也就是我同事的朋友）仍在等小 C的消息。但是很可能，也許如果幸運的話，活著的小C會被扔在哪個角落，只是失去了她的腎，但是，更有可能的是，也許再過幾天或者幾個月、幾年，小C的頭顱和軀體、四肢會在深圳的城鄉結合處的垃圾堆被人發現。如果看到這個發生在身邊的、活生生的恐怖事件，請轉告身邊的女性親友，一定小心防範清潔工打扮的人，因為他╱她很可能會趁妳不注意，把妳敲暈，放進清潔車拉走，接下來等著你的是，無比恐怖的活人分尸。記得：別把幸福吵掉了！請您一定要傳出去，我們可能不知道會救到誰的命！

心理学家解析十大梦中“死人”

2010-01-24T06:02:00.000-08:00

2010/01/19 2:23:48 PM
(转载自《新生活报》)

现实中的灵异现象也许并不是每个人都会碰见，但在梦中，几乎所有人都遇见过死人，那么，梦中的死人代表着什么？以精神分析学派为代表的现代心理学家们根据人的心理情绪状况对梦中的死人进行分类，认为死人的形状就是某种情绪的表现形式。

何明华和蔡晨瑞两位心理分析师都师从心理学家、解梦教授，他们有多年释梦的心理咨询经验。就做梦梦到死人，记者专程采访了他们。

白衣女死人：孤独而缺乏生命力

“一位男孩的梦中常出现一个站在湖水中露出上半身的长发白衣女死人。这位男孩出生在一个富裕家庭，他是家里的独生子，从小到大，不管他要什么，父母都会满足。但由于父母工作忙，父母与他在情感上的沟通机会很少。在外人看来，他应该活得很幸福。但实际他的内心极度痛苦，他渴望来自父母的关怀和爱。而父母却用金钱代替了情感的沟通，对他来说，金钱不能填补情感的缺失，因此在他的梦中会出现站在水中的白衣女死人。”

这是心理咨询师蔡晨瑞遇到的一个案例，蔡晨瑞说，我们在梦中出现得最多的是白衣女死人的形象。她们的特点是长发飘飘，看起来很弱小，代表抑郁的情绪。白色象征纯洁高贵，但是当白色和死人结合起来时，代表的是缺乏力量和生命力，代表苍白无力。白衣象征着血液流干后的苍白感。在这里，血是爱和情感的象征，当一个人的爱和情感没有了之后，她就变得苍白了。梦中这种女死人往往是单独出现的，很孤独。因为抑郁的一个本质特点就是孤独。

僵尸：对感情冷漠而麻木

“一个27岁的男子来做咨询，他说自己行为放荡且经常做噩梦，梦见僵尸。他出生在一个家境较好的家庭，学历高。曾交一女友。起初，女友对他不错。他认为找到了终生的爱情，对女友付出很多情感和金钱。后来，女友通过他的关系去美国留学，他托朋友，并自己出钱出力，让女友实现了梦想。可他没有想到，女友出国不到半年就抛弃了他。这个男子在情感上早期受关爱过多，没有受过情感挫折的锻炼。和女友分手的打击使他对世间人的看法有了很大变化，尤其对异性。他对异性态度开始变得像僵尸一样冷漠，把自己看成是僵尸。挫折使他对异性产生攻击的报复心。他用攻击和占有，来平衡他的挫折感。”

这是心理咨询师何明华遇到的一个案例，何明华说，僵尸，看上去没有血，就像我们常说的“活死人”，实际上他们在精神上已经变得冷漠。这样的人对整个生活已经麻木，完全把自己内心的情感封闭起来，对世界没有情感反应，对他人机械。这种人的情感是被极度压抑的，他们由于缺乏情感和爱而变得僵化，失去活力。

淹死死人:沉溺情感无法自拔

“一个刚刚来北京上大学的外地女孩常常梦到一个长头发的死人在身边出现，要把自己挤压到窒息。这种意象源自于这个女孩的母亲。出于对远在外地的女儿的不放心，母亲时时刻刻都要电话遥控，了解女儿在做什么，和谁在一起。女孩时时刻刻都感觉到母亲的压迫。对于她来说，母亲的爱已经转化成了一种控制，给她造成了精神压力和痛苦。过分的爱给人包围感和窒息感，使人有被溺死，窘息而死的感觉。”

淹死死人代表情感过于丰富，形象特征是湿淋淋的。上面案例中这种淹死死人，表达的是一种受情感压迫的表现。这样的淹死死人就像我们常常说的：既不打你，也不骂你，就用情感来折磨你。还有一种淹死死人表达的是对感情的渴望与纠缠，一个人沉溺于情感无法自拔，那么他就会淹死。何明华认为，溺死的人往往是情感非常缠绵的人，可能为情而死。这样的人躲在情感的世界不能自拔。

凶恶死人：压抑的愤怒情绪

“一位四十多岁的女性来访者描述了自己在童年期得不到父母的关爱，总是被父母严厉地训斥，使她的童年过得非常不愉快的经历。在她成家后，却对自己的孩子也采取同样教育方式。在她的梦中，常常出现张牙舞爪、面目凶恶的死人。原来她一直对童年的遭遇耿耿于怀，她对父母严厉地对待不满，但是无形当中她又学习了父母对待自己的方式。而在她的内心一直都存在着对父母的一种愤怒的消极性情绪，这种消极情绪转化成了她梦中的凶恶死人。”

何明华说，凶恶死人代表压抑的愤怒情绪，愤怒情绪积压时间久了，就会在梦中或是意象中出现凶恶死人，这也表达了梦者对愤怒情绪的不接纳。凶恶死人往往是长着两只鹰爪，龇着牙，眼冒凶光。受挫折多的人往往富有攻击性的心理，而这种攻击得不到满足，常会以一种方式转换，即梦见的凶恶死人。

吸血死人:严重的依赖心理

“某女性，26岁，在独处和梦境里常出现吸血死人的形象，这个女子小时候，由于家庭重男轻女，她很少得到父母关爱，自我情感没得到很好的培养和发展。成年后，独立面向社会，不管做任何事都依赖别人，如同蚂蟥，吸人畜的血一样。在情感方面，依赖更强，交男友后，真想把自己和男友用绳子拴起来，男友只要不在身边，她会各种方式追踪男友信息，她嘴里说的是关心和爱，实际上是一种吸附行为，是极度情感缺失的依赖心理。”

何明华说，常常看见或梦见吸血死人的人，有严重的依赖心理。梦见这种死人的人觉得缺少情感和爱的时候，不去找自己的原因，而是通过吸取别人的情感来维持自己的活力。我们常常看到有些女性，在情感上对别人极其依赖，整天追踪男性，电话打个不停。吸血死人象征看不见的吸纳，剥夺别人的情感。我们还会看到有的母亲对孩子情感的长期控制，其实也是对孩子的一种情感的剥削，反而母亲对孩子有一种依赖感。

其他梦中死人的象征义

骷髅死人：“骷髅死人是白衣女死人、僵尸的极端表现，当一个人情感极度缺乏到了一定极限就变成了骷髅”蔡晨瑞说，骷髅象征死亡。当我们对死亡特别恐惧，或者生命力极弱的时候，我们有可能会梦到骷髅。

饿死人：梦见饿死人人，吸毒者居多。饿死人的特点是饥不择食。当人吸毒后，会产生平时无法感受到的兴奋和快感，以此来麻痹自己，逃避面对自己心灵饥饿的状态。

吊死死人：形象特征是吐着舌头。梦见吊死死人人表明他不敢面对自己内心阴暗的东西，更不敢表达出来。舌头表示想说的欲望，他想说其实我很恐惧，我很害怕，但是却又不敢说。

无头死人：人的头部代表理智，胸部代表情感，胸部以下代表欲望。无头代表理智与情感隔离得非常厉害。梦见无头死人说明这个人理智太强，把自己的情感压抑的太深，然而压抑的力量有多大，被压抑的阴暗面的力量就有多大，内心阴暗面的力量得不到宣泄，就会转化成梦的形式。

画皮死人：还有一种死人看上去有迷人的外表，但是身体周围出现很多龌龊的东西，比如一些黏糊糊的东西，这种东西代表精液，这样的死人内心放荡。它象征性变态，性心理有问题。

结语

善待死人就是善待自己

心理咨询师蔡晨瑞说，我们每个人都会有本能的一面，都会有情感的缺失，当这些问题不是主导问题的时候，不会对我们的生活造成影响。只有当它上升到一个较高的程度，才有可能形成精神上的病症，比如抑郁症。通过科学的认识梦中死人这种客观的心理来了解自己内心的阴暗面，达到一种充分的自知。使自己的内心状态更自然、更健康。我们应该善待死人，善待死人就是善待我们自己。

Racial politics and Brain Drain

2009-12-28T20:14:00.000-08:00

Posted By Dr.HSU

The most important asset of a country is not its natural resources, but rather human resources. This is especially true in a knowledge based economy, which of course will be the trend in future if not already the trend in most of the westerncountries.
My daughter, who is in her final year medicine in Auckland, told me that a team of Singapore recruitment officers have just visited Auckland and talked to the Malaysian students there, offering job and training prospect for the final year students once they graduate. My daughter also told me that over the last few years, quite a lot of her Malaysian seniors, after graduating from medical courses in NZ, have gone to Singapore to work as house-officers and subsequently stayed back in Singapore for their postgraduate training.
Similar teams are sent to Australia and UK for recruiting Malaysians there to work in Singapore.
About a year ago, in one of the articles in Reuters, this was reported:
Malaysia is counting on bright, ambitious people like Tan Chye Ling for its future, to lead it away from manufacturing and into the knowledge age.
But the 32-year-old scientist, a post-graduate in molecular biology, is not counting on Malaysia to look after her future.
'I felt very suppressed in Malaysia,' said Tan, who moved to neighbouring Singapore, the region's pace-setter for biotech investment, after a decade of study and research in Malaysia.
'I have benefited from the better research environment and salary scheme here. Things are much smoother,' she said by phone from the National University of Singapore where she is studying dust mites and allergies.
Tan estimates that 60 percent of the research teams she works with in Singapore are from Malaysia, despite her country's efforts over several years to develop a biotech industry.
The Malaysian government unveiled plans last March to spend $553.3 million over five years to boost research, attract foreign investment and build new facilities. But its efforts are wasted unless it can retain more talented people like Tan.
'Bythe time we have the research environment in place, every other countrywould have taken a slice of the biotech investment pie,' said Iskandar Mizal, head of the state-run Malaysian Biotech Corporation which oversees the government's strategy.
There is a serious problem facing Malayia and that is the problem of Brain Drain. Why are Malaysians overseas not coming back to work?
Well, pay may be part of the reasons but is not the main reason. Singapore recruitment team offered Malaysian students there a salary which is a few times they would expect to get in Malaysia….S$40,000 a yr for houseman after tax (equivalent to RM86000) which is about 5 times the pay of a houseman inMalaysia.
But, as I say, pay is not the main problem. The living expenses Overseas is high. And for a person working overseas, the loneliness and the stress level is also high. So not everyone opts to work overseas because of pay. Many would not mind to work for lesser pay if they can stay near to their loved ones.
Why do people choose to work overseas, away from their loved ones ?
Malaysia has many state-of-the-art hospitals and research centres, which may even be the envy of many overseas countries. But hardware alone would not attract these experts o come home. In the medical fields, I have so many friends /classmates working overseas, many in world renowned centres. Why do they do that?
Some of my classmates and friends did come back as specialists. After working a few years ( many lasted a few months) , most get disillusioned and went off. There is really not much prospect of career advancement. How many can hope to become a professor, even when they are an acknowledged expert in their field? On the other hand , lesser beings are being promoted to professorship for doing much less.
How many of them can have any say about how things are to be run? How many of them can blend into the local team where the work attitude is vastly different from that overseas?
There is an unwritten rule that even if the person is very good, the head of the team has to be someone from a certain ethnic group who may not even be half as good as him.
In everyday life, some become disillusioned with the corruption, the red tape and tidak apa attitude of the officialdom. For an overseas doctor applying to work home, the application can take up to 6 months to get approved, whereas, Singapore sends teams overseas to recruit them on the spot, giving them forms to fill and offering them jobs immediately as long as they pass their final examination. See the difference?
It is the sense of being wanted and being appreciated that make these people stay overseas. Back here, they are often made to feel that they are of a lower class; they do not feel wanted and they do not feel appreciated…. That is the main reason.
For those with children , the education system puts them off. Even school children can feel being discriminated, one glaring example is the 2 systems in PreUniversity education.
All these make them pack their bags and off they go again, leaving behind their parents perhaps, siblings,friends they grew up together, favouite food that is often not available overseas. No one likes to be like this; circumstances and a sense of being recognised for their worth make them go away…It is really sad.
Parents spend huge amount of money educating them, but the ones who benefit are the Singaporeans, the Americans,the Australian, the British and so on. As long as racepolitics is not done away with, this problem of brain drain willcontinue and Malaysia will always lack behind the advanced countries,no matter how many twin towers and Putrajayas we build.

My Respect to Taikace

2009-11-29T10:15:00.000-08:00

I always respect my Taikace for what she had done in the CRSM organisation. She has a clear vision towards what she wants to do to help the public. When she lost badly in the last election I was really upset and angry why the people put her down, can't they judge her for the good things that she had done? But lucky, in fact is like "salted fish alive again" she was pull up by the President to the Minister post again. And her popularity make her also The Woman Leader. I was very happy for her then, pray to Macho's mercy.We Chinese always must be thankful to the people who saved our life.I remembered once upon a time I introduced a job to a man, the man express his thanks so much that he sent hamper to me every Chinese New Year.If this situation has not being a political pool, I believe my Taikace owed the President a favour that given her rice bowl today.
What happened lately in the party was really shaken me.I never expect my Taikace to react that way. Many comments about her I read in Malaysiakini all against her and branded her "fankuatcai". I couldn't understand why she chooses to be allied with the other side. I believe she has a good reason, may be her agenda is not same with them .I really hope she is not the one who stands at the front line just clear enough for the people to see and remind them about her terrible lost in the last general election and not deserved to be up there holding the minister post as she is now, if not because of the man she despised so much now. I hope she can make total recall....but some how I still wish her the best in life.

Probe 'forgetful' Ling over PKFZ scandal

2009-11-11T09:25:00.000-08:00

Probe 'forgetful' Ling over PKFZ scandal

Chua offers his post to Liow

2009-11-11T09:15:00.000-08:00

Chua offers his post to Liow

2009 年最佳OSCAR奖

2009-10-31T21:18:00.000-07:00

马来西亚政坛影的这幅戏远比新加坡那幅"吓到笑"还要好看得多.戏里头的主角配角都演得很好,大家应该能赢得OSCAR奖.话说第一位演员公羽,他演救世英雄;为了挽回民众对党的信心,打了个"敢怒敢言"的招牌领天下.不知是巧合或招身边的人有意挑剔,他忽然大胆宣布要挖PKNZ的事.这件事可不得了,有关连这案件的人都不是鱼虾类之人马,越挖越深时难免会发现不应该发现的东西.在明在暗的人都给这位阿斗小生搞到冒冷汗.非快快想出一计给他必死无疑.所以在其间一些莫明其妙的案件连续不断地发生在他身上.为何他不像别的头头那样受到保庇呢?好才大头头也急到忍不住跳出来解围说自已要拿来管这件事,叫他不必管.看来他已脱险了;然而事实并不是如此.那批在暗的人马还是不放心,怕这位阿斗英雄又挖别的东西怎么办?还是杀人灭口更安全.反正杀人灭口的事件在政坛里也不是第一次发生,只要得到大头头点头,会受到保庇,不必上断头台.所以大家想到先用鱼蚌相争渔翁得利的原理来处理他.先得搬出马来西亚最当红的性爱光碟明星草采先生当棋子之一与他做对手.先来一个除害事件,引导草采先生及支持者大力反弹. 这位草采先生一路来都是心头有刺,以前出丑的事还在怪别人.所以自从当上了老二还是有意无意在刁难老大,故意制造问题.不知是老天爷替天下的太太们报仇还是时机已到,这位明星也响应了各位的需求,来跟老大拼得你死我活.带着'生做马华的人死做马华的鬼'的口号来感动半个马华的中央代表.连阿姐听了也感动到眼泪鼻涕一起流. 好了,有惊无险的双十特大的戏演出后,出炉的成绩正是意料中,两位大明星都出局.
在收抬惨局当时两位才如梦初醒,啊!是被人出卖了.看着身边的人一个个离去,心有千千结,苦不堪言.背叛!是背叛!老大恐叫:"我一定要报仇!看着,你们这群背叛者,我不除掉就不要姓公!"
下半场的戏更出乎意料,看来还是不能毕幕.下来的是好人变坏人,坏人变好人.本来草采是演坏人的,如今被人请出来演好人.这位老人家好像上当一次学不到乖,再一次给人家玩,难怪人家说有IQ不一定有EQ.起初是玩握握手的和平团结方案.单纯的阿姐读书不多,以为这次没事啦,天下太平了,所以高兴得流眼泪.有人在阿姐背后说:"嘿嘿!好戏还在后头哩....先不要换电台."真的,不过三天,配角明星广琴先生忽然跳出来喊道:"不得了!不得了!现在不可以和平或团结,得先来下一个战争才可以和平..."这一次可吓到阿姐.阿姐不明白为什么一定要打战才可以和平?隔壁家十三岁的阿明仔对阿姐说:"换句话说,你不滚蛋给我上位那里可以团结. "哦..阿姐忽然明白了.
看戏的民众越看越精彩,连欢喜台福建戏也不追了,天天守在电视前看新闻,连马来电台也做这套戏.报纸天天卖到完,买不到也借隔壁阿伯的报纸来看.收旧报纸的没生意做.现在最旺的是赌场,你买谁上买谁下是巴杀的热门生意.连阿姐也想下赌住,看有没有横财运.
现在阿姐也想通了一件事,阿姐不会再为马华伤心流泪,更不会为马华而牺牲保贵的时间和精神.因为阿姐的信念:"只有马华才是华人的救星."已经毁灭了......

阿姐
张锦璇

Chasing after the Hot Chair

2009-10-30T16:25:00.000-07:00

The recent chaos in MCA is a common phenomenas happened in Malaysia politic today after 308.When more seats in the Parliament being taken away by the opposition, less seats left for the BN. For 50 years BN rules the country, they are already used to sitting in the Parliament comfortably,drawing big pays and commissions, enjoys the power and luxury. Now that the situation is such that they have to compete with the opposition (whom they never gave a damn shit before) for the limited seats left , the competition becomes great(sengit). Esp the MCA and MIC, they are the greatest loser. Left alone the MIC, why MCA becomes the target or the victim? To make it simple its because the Chinese lost trust in BN. The root of evils is the oppositions who were good at 'korek' various 'corruption' issues, the make believe tactics were successfully implanted into the 'rakyat' minds. To cut short, this situation arose fear and panic. Next came the pointing fingers at each other, friends stepping friends and then the inner chaos (though always happened but this time more serious). All these happened just for one reason, CHASING AFTER THE HOT CHAIR.

The time frame for those who sat on the CHAIR became shorter and shorter. From one term to less than a term. In the process of chasing they had to use ugly tactics to fight for survivor. Friends becomes enemy and enemy becomes friends. The face changes overnight and the supporters were confused as whom now I supposed to support. As what happened today the majority(those opportunists) become silence standby to see first which direction the wind blow stronger.In another words, we are looking at the bishops fighting. For that HOT CHAIR sake, words uttered not counted, the principles reform, decisions made not reliable and the RULE BOOK, they can always fall back to the rule book, nobody want to open, because the disadvantages might go to them.

The HOT CHAIR though nobody ever sat long enough till the end, never have good ending before (scandals after scandals), but still many fellows were mad chasing after it. Why? The POWER ,and POWER can brings RICHES(in Malaysia at least). From previous history, we could see that those who sat up there had became rich.But if you think only MCA or BN is like that, then you are wrong! The PKR fellows, no need 50 years, the first year itself they already started to SELL themselves to BN (eg: 3 stooges from Perak, now gradually coming in more), they even SOLD the state(Perak) for MONEY sake(please don't blame BN for being sneaky, blame PKR for being greedy). What more if they hold the country, they may SELL Malaysia to America.

Women Must Read This

2009-09-30T18:11:00.000-07:00

Mail from Christine Teo Burkha

Crucial
Because of recent abductions In daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation... This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children, everyone you know. After reading these 10 crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do : The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!

2.. Learned this from a tourist guide. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you.... Chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy.. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their chequebook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR , LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE..
If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, Repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it . As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor , and in the back seat

B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side... If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; and even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Preferably in a zig -zag pattern! 8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird.. The police told her 'Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door..' The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, 'We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.' He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night.

10. Water scam! If you wake up in the middleof the night to hear all your taps outside running or what you think is aburst pipe, DO NOT GO OUT TO INVESTIGATE! These people turn on all youroutside taps full ball so that you will go out to investigate andthen attack.
Stay alert, keep safe, and look out for your neighbours! Please pass this on This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby Theory was mentioned on America 's Most Wanted when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana
I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle.. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters,daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.
Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better to be safe than sorry.. Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or love one's life

Children Who Won't Go To School (Separation Anxiety)

2009-09-28T07:27:00.000-07:00

Refrence from American Academy of Child and Adolescent Health

Many parents came to me about the disorder behavior of their children,here are some refrences I did for the benefit of all readers.The articles of related materials are compiled from various journals.

Going to school is usually an exciting and enjoyable event for young children. However, for some it can cause intense fear or panic. Parents should be concerned if their child regularly complains about feeling sick or often asks to stay home from school with minor physical complaints. Not wanting to go to school may occur at anytime, but is most common in children 5-7 and 11-14, times when children are dealing with the new challenges of elementary and middle school. These children may suffer from a paralyzing fear of leaving the safety of their parents and home. The child's panic and refusal to go to school is very difficult for parents to cope with, but these fears and behavior can be treated successfully, with professional help.

Refusal to go to school often begins following a period at home in which the child has become closer to the parent, such as a summer vacation, a holiday break, or a brief illness. It also may follow a stressful occurrence, such as the death of a pet or relative, a change in schools, or a move to a new neighborhood.

The child may complain of a headache, sore throat, or stomachache shortly before it is time to leave for school. The illness subsides after the child is allowed to stay home, only to reappear the next morning before school. In some cases the child may simply refuse to leave the house. Since the panic comes from leaving home rather than being in school, frequently the child is calm once in school.

Children with an unreasonable fear of school may:

feel unsafe staying in a room by themselves
display clinging behavior
display excessive worry and fear about parents or about harm to themselves
shadow the mother or father around the house
have difficulty going to sleep
have nightmares
have exaggerated, unrealistic fears of animals, monster, burglars
fear being alone in the dark, or
have severe tantrums when forced to go to school
Such symptoms and behaviors are common among children with separation anxiety disorder. The potential long-term effects (anxiety and panic disorder as an adult) are serious for a child who has persistent separation anxiety and does not receive professional assistance. The child may also develop serious educational or social problems if their fears and anxiety keep them away from school and friends for an extended period of time.

When fears persist the parents and child should consult with a qualified mental health professional, who will work with them to develop a plan to immediately return the child to school and other activities. Refusal to go to school in the older child or adolescent is generally a more serious illness, and often requires more intensive treatment.Excessive fears and panic about leaving home/parents and going to school can be successfully treated.

Note: I had a client 11 years old, refuse to go to school since 6 months ago after his parent divorced. The fear he mentioned was about the feeling of shame, he feared his friends would know about his family break up,also the teachers mmight asked, the mixed feeling af anxiety and frustration in the boy made him gave up school life.I had to refer this case to the Mental Health Specialist.

Bipolar Disorder

2009-09-27T23:52:00.000-07:00

Refrence Materials from Mental Health Medical Journal
Knowledge for all

Bipolar disorder is a common illness. Sufferers were once referred to as manic-depressive but the condition is now popularly known as Bipolar Disorder. What does it involve? It actually involves two different states if mind:
Mania: violent passion or desire; extreme excitement And,
Depression: a feeling of melancholy, hopelessness and dejection.

The symptoms can vary from moderate to extreme mania on one end of the scale and different levels of sadness and disappointment on the other. Usually there is a period of normal feelings in between the two. The change in mood from high to low can happen quite quickly and in some cases there may seem to be a mix of high and low together. There is no standard which can accurately predict what kind of mood will be manifest, how high or low the fluctuations will be or even how long they might last.

A manic depressive person with this bipolar disorder might seem on top of the world one day, taking on debts and responsibilities, feeling invincible and capable of anything. They may go out one day and finance a car that they can’t afford or volunteer for a task that is really beyond their capabilities to perform. The next day the world appears to crash in around them and they are incapable of coping with the simplest daily chores.

What can be expected from a sufferer during a period of mania? During mania the person will feel super energized. The excitement will be manifested in restlessness and quick thinking and speaking. They might seem edgy, irritable and distracted, have trouble sleeping, take risks and overspend. They will seem to be in a state of euphoria (exaggerated sense of well being). Sex drive is increased.

In a depression the person might seem continually sad or anxious. They may not be allowing any feelings and be left with an emptiness, which lasts for a period of hours or days. Hopeless, pessimistic and guilty with feelings of worthlessness and helplessness, they may withdraw, seem tired and listless. They may lose appetite and weight and also lose interest in things that normally excite them.
Alcohol and drug abuse may develop as a result of the seeming loss of emotional control. Men and women are equally at risk and the age at onset is usually between 15and 25.
There is no known cause of bipolar disorder. There may be a risk due to heredity but this has not been proven. It seems to run in families but the evidence is only anecdotal at present. If there is an awareness of the risks, then early diagnosis and treatment can reduce the symptoms. This illness strikes between one and two percent of the population where it is diagnosed. Diagnosis is difficult and bipolar disorder is often misdiagnosed as depression.

Some extreme episodes may require a hospital stay to help control the symptoms. A variety of antidepressants and other drugs are sometimes prescribed. Lithium is often given as a preventative drug but it has side effects that may make it undesirable

Behaviour Disorder in Children

2009-09-27T22:43:00.000-07:00

Edited From Google Search 27Sept2009
Knowledge for all those parents who have problematic children

A young person is said to have a behaviour disorder when he or she demonstrates behaviour that is noticeably different from that expected in the school or community. This can also be stated in simpler terms as a child who is not doing what adults want him to do at a particular time. There are interchangeable terms for behaviour disorders- conduct disorders, emotional disorders, emotional disturbances. A conduct disorder is also described as a complicated group of behavioural and emotional problems in youngsters. Children with this disorder often seem to be behaving in different and socially unacceptable ways. They are often describes as bad or delinquent.
Like learning disabilities, behaviour disorders are hard to diagnose. There are no physical symptoms or discrepancies in the body that are observable or measurable. Behaviour disorders are therefore identified by observing behaviour patterns in the child over a period of time. If a child displays some of the following behaviours he may therefore be labeled with a behaviour disorder:

1. Aggression to people and animals. Some people may say that the child is wicked to others and cruel to animals.
2. Destruction of property- defacing school desks, graffiti, vandalism, etc.

3. Little empathy and concern for others. Shows no feelings when another is in pain, nor remorse for unkind deeds.

4. Takes no responsibility for behaviour. Also lies, cheats and steals easily.

5. Disregards rules and regulations. May be openly defiant.

In addition to these general symptoms of a behaviour disorder, there are other symptoms characteristic of more specific behaviour disorders such as ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder, Bipolar disorder and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder).

Young people with ODD appear to have very short tempers. They are quick to argue with others. They are very touchy. They seem to be very angry and resentful. They display vindictive or spiteful behaviour. Generally they are very difficult to be around.
The Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder is demonstrated by repeated and persistent thought or impulses that are unwanted and cause severe discomfort in the person. For example, a child may constantly imagine that there are monsters lurking everywhere. The behaviour is compulsive when it is repeated persistently without satisfaction, e.g. counting numbers, washing hands all the time.

Bipolar Disorder (used to be referred to as manic-depressive) is characterized by moodiness. It involves mood swings form “highs” inflated self-esteem, excessive indulgence in pleasurable activities that could lead to pain to “lows” (depression or irritability, lethargy).

ADHD- this is the classic inattentive, can’t-sit-still behaviours. The attention span is very short and the behaviour is impulsive at times. The child also seems quite distracted and forgetful.

Behaviour disorders come from brain injury, child abuse, trauma, etc. There have also been indications that it could be a genetic disorder. The behaviour therefore is an involuntary response to these experiences and the child should not be blamed for his behaviour. Since the child has problems controlling his behaviour it stands to reason that his performance in school will be affected. A child with a behaviour disorder will feel bad about himself and that low self-esteem will be further worsened by the adults around him who do not treat his condition with understanding and willingness to help. Too often the child is blamed for his unacceptable behaviour and instead of being supported to deal with it he is castigated and alienated. There is, therefore, a thin line between behvaiour disorder, emotional disorders and learning disabilities. Or maybe one leads to another.

Behaviour disorders are best dealt with by behaviour therapy and psychotherapy. But, as with learning disabilities, accurate diagnosis is important and this must be over a length of time. It is also important in trying to modify the behaviour to be clear about what is the behaviour you are expecting. Make sure it is a rational expectation. For example, expecting a three year old to sit quietly through a long church service may not be reasonable, or demanding that a six year old does extra home work after a long day of school and extra curricular activities may be stretching the child’s concentration and attention too far. Since some behaviour disorders stem from traumatic life experiences or brain injury, therapy should include helping the child to resolve and heal emotionally from the experience. The behaviour could be remedied through emotional healing. In other words when a human being is emotionally healthy, that is, can be aware of his intelligence and zest for life and his loving connectedness to other human beings, he automatically “behaves” rationally.

一命赔一命

2009-09-27T22:05:00.001-07:00

堕胎婴灵大复仇 2009/09/25 3:46:55 PM
报道：胡惟翔、杨艾蒂摄影：林逸军、
部分照片法师提供转载自新生活报
Edited from nanyang siangpao

曾经为130万个灵婴做过超度法会的海涛法师神色凝重说，“在农历七月这段时期，婴灵会特别期待有人为他超度，而且还要帮婴灵取名字，让他感觉得到重视，再以一颗真诚和忏悔的心来超度他。”

虽然，堕胎者已超度婴灵，但，并不表示会永远摆脱他，只因你一堕胎后，就开始了这场无法终止的因果循环，它会无限期地一至延续下去。

他惊人奉劝：“如果你们得知周围的家人或朋友堕胎，一定要阻止堕胎的女性，不然，会和堕胎者一样，遭婴灵报仇！”

在这个阴森的鬼节来临时，《新生活报》成功独家专访台湾生命基金会董事长海涛法师玄谈堕胎的婴灵，向读者揭开灵婴灵异面纱……

手术室里，传来一把急促的声音，“流血不止了……快把钳子拿来……胚胎被夹出了……”护士接着把从下体所夹碎的胚胎放在盆里。

不要觉得惊讶，以上所进行的正是世上最残忍的堕胎手术!

堕胎是指胎儿被某人畜意致死、强夺生存的权力或人工流产的行为，无论是畜意与否，结束一条无辜的小生命，都是残酷的行为。

海涛法师说，“因生未生胎儿”，指的是婴灵，也就是还未出生就被堕掉的胎儿，基本上，堕胎后，灵体还会存在，而且带着怨恨，逗留在人间复仇。

堕胎是犯了根本戒，那就是杀戒，不仅损害自己，最悲惨的是断丧了一个婴灵投胎做人的机会，因为不知道还要等多久才能有做人的机会。

海涛法师一针见血剖析，婴灵是停留在阴阳界的一种灵体，他们既不属于鬼魂，也不是人类，必需停留在这阶段，直到婴灵原本在世的阳寿缘尽后，方能正式列为鬼魂，至此，才可以再世轮回。

法师说，婴灵有着比鬼魂更大的怨力，本身的怨气也会因日渐成长而不断增加，他们赖以生存的是亲生母亲的元气，根据说法，一般女性在一生中只能接受三个婴灵的附身，一但超越三个婴灵，那妇女的身体一定气虚，精神有所错乱，这是因为婴灵造成她元神虚弱的关系。

海涛法师针对这点做出解释：“婴灵会随着日子渐渐成长，所以他所需要的元气会越来越多，这也就是造成妇女元神虚弱，精神恍忽的原因。”

被堕掉的婴灵是有意识的，所以会记仇，如果这个灵无法投胎，便会随着时间长大，意识也会变强，然后进行报仇，搞到家庭不和。

其实，当男女交合时，卵子受精后就已经形成一种灵，至于灵会投胎的地方，也跟因果循环脱离不了关系，这可分为两种，报恩或报仇，如果是报恩的胎儿，把他堕了，那会失去福气，相反地，把来报仇的胎儿堕掉，就化解不了过去的恩怨，而且还和婴灵结了新仇。

对西方国家来说，婴儿在出世时才服赋予生命，让人误以为胚胎是没有生命的，这和佛教恰好相反。

由于社会道德观念日渐开放，时下的青少年，年纪轻轻便偷尝禁果，然后意外怀孕，至于成年人，更追求二人世界，所以，堕胎已被看成避孕失败的为一解决方法。

有到女子监狱帮忙超度的海涛法师提到，女犯人堕胎的巴仙率很高，一些人甚至有过三次以上的堕胎纪录，可见现今的人如何草率地看待‘堕胎’。

堕胎只是解决一时的问题，但却会带来终生遗憾与悔恨，所以奉劝女性朋友，千万别轻易做出这决定，扼杀自己的亲生骨肉。

所谓“解铃还须解铃人”，想堕胎的女性，应寻求其他解决的方法，别钻牛角尖，免得犯上杀戒，毁了自己的一生。

复仇的婴灵会附在父母或亲属身上的某个部位，然后，那个部位便会持续疼痛或发生令人意想不到的意外，十分的不可思议！

堕胎者万万没想到，婴灵是存在的，而且还会附在身上，海涛法师说：“曾经有位妇女堕胎后，便不断发生车祸，最让人感到诡异的是每一次车祸，都伤同样的脚，因为婴灵就附在她脚上。”

也有位老太太，年轻时，堕过胎儿，但却没有为他超度，然后，被附在腰上的婴灵，造成腰骨折断。

黄太太，因为身体不适的原因，而堕掉胎儿，过后，又被查出是错误诊断，那次之后，便无法再怀孕了，这对喜欢小孩的她，无疑是很大的打击。

就算是看遍了许多医生，也无补与事，直到她家人到庙里问神，才得知那被堕掉的婴儿原本是来报恩的，但因为被堕掉，便和她从此结怨，不再让她怀孕了。

最近，台湾在八月八日所发生的水灾，也有一家人遭到婴灵复仇的事件，海涛法师说：“那一家人是住在灾区，夫妇幸运被救获，但却失去了宝贝的孩子，经过问神后，得知是之前所堕掉的胎儿回来报仇，把小孩带走。”

陈小姐堕胎后，身体变得虚弱、忧郁和焦虑易怒，夜里更是噩梦连连，有时半夜醒来更听到有可怕的声音在吓唬她“你快死了，你快死了...”

工作上又不顺心，上司的有意刁难和同事之间的相处也出现问题，还经常为一些芝麻绿豆的小事和丈夫争吵，关系渐渐的疏远了，身体健康也在这时亮起了红灯，面对接二连三所发生的问题，让她差点蒙上自杀的念头，这全和她堕胎有关。

以上所有事件解开了大家对婴灵存在的迷思！

有些女性自然流产，表面上，胎儿的生命是死了，但是他不会怀恨，因为这是无心之过，他会形成婴灵，呆在父母的身边，等待超度，若胎儿是蓄意流产，婴灵便会心里充满仇恨，然后进行报仇，被婴灵缠上的人，轻则生病、重则死亡。

海涛法师说：“每个婴灵都会报仇，而且是视仇恨的程度来报复，所以堕胎后的妇女一定要超度婴灵，而且是必需怀着真诚、忏悔的心来超度他们，不然无法化解这股怨气。”

超度只是个仪式，最重要是视当事人有没有带着一颗真诚的心来忏悔，因为居住在胎儿里的灵魂都在等待投胎，但还未出世，却被杀害，导致无法投胎，进而复仇来雪恨，他说：“对于已经堕胎的妇女，就要用佛教的慈悲方法来超度婴灵，至于还未堕胎的便要防止堕胎，三思而后行，千万别杀害无辜的生命。”

海涛法师也大胆声称，文殊菩萨曾经堕过胎，因而下地狱，但他有一颗真诚忏悔的心，最后，依然可以成佛。

在访问中，记者更揭发了一连串的惊悚灵异事件。

海涛法师透露：“其实被堕掉的婴灵会缠父母亲，若婴灵是男的就缠住母亲，女的则缠父亲，这和异性相吸的道理一样。”

他继续说，如果某人怀孕了但想堕胎，身边的友人若帮忙该名妇女策划堕胎，这些策划者都会被婴灵杀死。

每次在法会进行超度时也会出现灵异事件，“我们在超度婴灵时，都会准备盛有牛奶的奶瓶，法会进行时，在场的人士都会看到那些牛奶慢慢地减少，这证明婴灵出没在法会现场。”

所以堕胎后，除了到佛庙里，自己本身也可以超度婴灵，如念经、吃素，尤其是在农历七月鬼节。

由于现代医学发达，使得堕胎几乎在法律及社会道德尺度上都趋于合法，许多妇女甚至把堕胎看作一件小事，在不知不觉中，造下罪无可赦的重业。

根据“联合国生殖权和生殖健康”调查报告指出，全球每年堕胎案例高达4900万宗，其中逾2000万宗是不安全堕胎，造成因堕胎而死亡的女性至少8万人。

大马堕胎指数渐增

而在大马，根据非正式估计，每个月至少有90人非法堕胎，平均每月60至90宗，每年更达到730宗至1095宗，情况令人担忧。

无论如何，堕胎在我国是属于非法的行为，医院必需检查孕妇的身体状况是否适合怀胎儿，方可进行堕胎手术，不然，将被视为非法，政府也于1985年开始规定，非法进行堕胎者将受到法律制裁。

Life Without Maid

2009-09-27T07:49:00.000-07:00

Most of the working couples in Malaysia employ Indonesian maids. The maids handle most of the housework thus after certain period of time we have the tendency to DEPEND on the maids . Can't imagine how life without maid is going to be. I had a maid Warti (1st maid)who worked 6 years with me and all these years she became part of our family; I trusted her to manage my home and looking after kids. She not only doing housework, she also help me to manage my daily appointments and my orchard farm. I was so much dependence on her that I feared the day comes she is going to leave us. Indeed, the day has come earlier than I expected. Her mother in Indonesia pass away and she was called to go back home immediately. I had no choice but to let her go.
My 1st week without maid was a terrible one coz i haven't adjust myself to the situation. I had to send my baby away to my father's house coz he got maid.My house was messy,in fact horrible!, My clothing unable to manage thus I had to choose a few pieces that need not do the ironing. Meals not cooked, came back from work, hungry! Later I had to overcome this dilemma, I had to accept the truth that I had to go on, without maid, at least for sometimes.(Indonesian frozen their maids )meantime I had to settle down and started my new schedule of life. I used my weekend to get started, bit by bit from the kitchen to the rooms. from drawers to drawers(cos I don't know where all my things kept). My son Yen and I started cooking, trying new menu. I got to rearrange things according to my system (maid simply chuck here and there make me cannot find things). Until my whole house was kept upright, I started to enjoy my privacy at home, without having someone pocking nose into my life. Now I really feel that is alright without maid, I have to work harder no doubt but still enjoy the privacy. My enjoyment living without maid was not long. 5 weeks later she called me from Indonesia, (her permit not dead yet) that she wants to come back here. Alamak! Again my son said, Can't we just say NO? Now I am down again in the dilemma to accept her back. The thought that sometimes she pocking her nose into my business, sleeping on my best pillow (I realised the pillow I bought for RM200.00 lost), using my phone to call her boyfriend, showing sour face when her periods comes. Snooping around when my quests comes, bullied my child when I am not home... for all these, I have to pay her RM 600 a month. In fact now I realised that I can do housework better than a maid.
Reluctantly, I purchased a ticket for her to come back, next week.

The petals of Lives

2009-09-25T07:41:00.000-07:00

There are moments in life when someone is missed so much that makes us long for them everyday.

Dream about what pleases you
Go where you want to go
Be who you want to be
You only have one life
To do what makes you happy

Find on the wonderful quest of life
Enough happiness to spread it around
Enough road blocks to make it stronger
Enough sorrows to keep a good soul
Enough wishes to be happy from within.

The happiest person don't necessary have everything, they simply utilizes all potential in what life has to offer.Because only people who care, can appreciate the importance of the things that leaves traces of life.

Forget the past, leave behind the mistakes and sorrows. Love is born with a smile and grow with a kiss.

Slaughter the Dead Goat

2009-09-24T19:45:00.000-07:00

Lately our members are busy trying to find solutions to encounter the Rakyat's confidence towards our political party (MCA) after the 308 disaster.Meetings, seminars, talks, etc had been held for the members; of course never miss the lunches, dinners followed when we had visitors from the top people. In fact everybody is trying his very best to think of the possible ways, Kuantan planned to go down to the rakyat to solve their problems and to go ahead of the opposition parties in problems solving. In fact everybody is in the confusion state whereby at last we are still back in our old tricks. We still fail to understand a very simple equation: Why the Rakyat is ANGRY.There are two things we did, all the time:

1. SHUT OUR MIND TO WHAT ACTUALLY PEOPLE WANT FROM US.We only planned, IN PANIC, what we want to do for them.The repairs(which Not suppose to happen if not cause by the poor quality of the products, esp the roads and services) ,The explanations,(which shows that we have to tell more lies just to side the authorities,coz we take for granted that the Rakyat are stupids; which is our weaknesses known for ages),The activities, ( cos only attended by our own members more than the Rakyat cos just to put in the papers) And all the truth about us is : our mind is not open to accept the truth, the plain truth! The Rakyat only want: JUSTICE FOR ALL and NO CORRUPTIONS.
JUSTICE FOR ALL
MCA is the ruling party in the Barison National, we are SUPPOSE to be the RULE MAKER.We are not SUPPOSE to take the role of the opposition, TO COMPLAIN and QUESTION , coz we got to stand strong with dignity on the rules we made( to show that we think before the rules being passed) to the Rakyat.
NO CORRUPTIONS
Corruption in Malaysia is a known open secret to the world. Most Rakyat hate corruptions except the corrupter themselves. Coz, corruption make path easier for some people but as a tax payer, the idea of our hard earned money go into some one's pocket make us VERY VERY ANGRY! The worst thing of all is that some authority BLESS those CORRUPTER !This POINT is the plain FACTS that MCA just cannot EXPLAIN to the Rakyat and also can do nothing about it.

COME ON BROTHERS !The Rakyat wants us to do BIG thing, and the small small thing leave it to the social workers, we employed them.

2.THE BATTLE WITHIN THE PARTY
This had happened in all ages. WHY OUR OPPOSITION ARE SO STRONG NOW? Because THEY are NOT our TARGET, They are not our ENEMY!. Our target and enemy are our brothers and sisters within our own party who wears the same uniforms as us.We were so involved in fighting , suing ,splitting like virus. We wasted a lot of time and energy on the battle, the issue almost similar though not same.The Reason is only ONE: FOR THE POWER.We had long forgotten how our ancestors SACRIFICED for the better of our future, if we ever USED their names at all, was during the campaign, so that the young people know the history. We are not being realistic, do we? We never FEEL the way our ancestors felt about the Party. We can't even LOVED our fellow brothers and how can we demand our followers to love us ? This PROPERTY had passed on to us and we are now destroying it. We destroy our UNITY, we destroy our REPUTATION,we destroy the TRUST of the Rakyat and last we are destroying ourselves, sooner or later.

COME ON BROTHERS! PEOPLE OUTSIDE ARE LAUGHING AT US!

We take 50 over years to MAKE the OPPOSITION strong.We give them all the chances to catch hold of our weaknesses.Its not because they are good, but because we are NO GOOD and the Rakyat have NO CHOICE.Now that we suddenly realise TIME is running out.Now we have to think, think, how to turn the table around. If we still hold on to the old tricks, I'm sorry.........There are few things if we keep on doing, we 'll become WORST.

1.Try to cover the elephant corpse with our fingers.The Rakyat will see that we are stupid.
2.Belittle others just for the sake of belittling, The Rakyat will see that we are childish.
3.Use authority to suppress somebody, The Rakyat will see that we are brutal.
4.Jeer at people even if he does good thing. The Rakyaat will see that we are disgusting.
5.Telling lies thinking that others are stupid. The Rakyat will see that we are foolish.
All the above items I mentioned are what we try to practise today. The idea must have came from someone very in matured at the top there.Some one told :WE MUST USED BACK THE TRICKS the opposition used to defeat us , But we forgotten that they plotted, planned, korek the facts , consulted the professionals, used psychology, used high technology, used tremendous speakers to manipulate and convinced the RAKYAT.They just speak in line with the Rakyat,sneak in between, pretend to be one of them, roar the same tune and just one word I can say : THEIR OPPORTUNITY HAS COME.(we made it possible by our ignorant).

THE OPPOSITION(308)
ARE THEY REALLY MUCH BETTER THAN US? NO, they are not.They are just as human as we are. Give them a year ( may be less) they will be more corrupted than some of us did. (see the example of Perak 3 stooges), Some of them are of low quality lay man origin,most of them are the frustrated runaway fellows or expelled from our team.Sooner or later they are going to mess up things.They will take less than 10 years to collapse.The Rakyat didn't gave them a damn shit,just simply through the votes to them, not because they are good but just TO PUNISH US! PUNISH mean you still have the opportunity, but meantime THEY also not dreaming or stupid, they know who they are. Now they are busy recruiting the GOOD fellows, throwing out the bad one (while we busy BUYING over their unwanted rotten people with millions of RM)Using this oppurnity as a base to be strong, excellent and trust worthy government.Now they are busy accumulating all their modal TO BEAT US FLAT in the next election.Just see, WHAT WE ARE BUSY AT NOW?

THE RAKYAT
The Rakyat are very sensitive people, easily manipulated group whom we very much unconcerned while we were still UP THERE.We put our deaf ears to their whispers until today we heard their roars.But the Rakyat also have weaknesses, "THEY FEAR CHANGES" Changes might not be for the better. Take Singapore eg, The Lim Kuan Yew Dynasty never tumble down(yet).WHY? Just one word: CLEAN

If we can CLEAN ourselves from : CORRUPTION, INJUSTICE, POWER STRUGGLE
with the limited time we have, I'm sure THE RAKYAT will take us back quickly for the very simple reasons:
1. We still have many good Wakils who genuinely work for the Rakyat.
2. We already expertise in GOVERNMENTING (coz 50 over years experience)

JUST LEARN FROM SINGAPORE!

Don't Take away His Burden

2009-07-14T23:05:00.000-07:00

A father came to me, worried about his son SPM which is approaching soon. "The examination is near but my son is not at all worried. He sleeps for hours in the afternoon back from school." So the father fixed a wake up time and that is 3 o'clock. When the son is deep asleep, the father will woke him up; force him to read his books. But he is so sleepy that very soon he goes to sleep again.This has been going on for months and the relationship becoming from bad to worse. But still the father holding to his principle, nevertheless there is no improvement.
The problem of most 'educated' parent is that they seem take away their children's worries, put all the burden on their shoulders and leave nothing at all for the children to worry about. This is the opposite in term of 'poor' parents whereby they never bother at all about their children, 'cannot study just come out and work.'
"Who worry the most over the coming SPM?"I asked the boy.
"My father."he said.
"I have to worry because he doesn't seem to care."claimed the father.

The modern parents have plans for every steps their children taken. In fact they are caring too much that the children couldn't feel that their lives belong to themselves. Most children nowadays are not trained with sense of responsibility. A very small example the parent used to practise, "If you do well in the coming exam, I will give you......" The children might feel as though they 're doing a favour for their parents in scoring the papers. Sometimes they are tired of doing 'good things' just to please the parents. They have been told what their future suppose to be.So why worry? They have nothing to struggle for cause the 'thinking 'part already done by the parents.
"So what's your plan?"I asked the boy.
"Don't know, father said he is going to send me to private colleges if I doesn't do well."
"So what do you really like to do in future?I interrogated again.
"Don't know, father says I 'll be an engineer." Again father said..... The boy lazy to think for himself. I advised the father to try this alternative: leave the worries back to him, tell him that you doesn't bother about what he will be. Give him a week, just let yourself FREE. Soon the boy will sense that he is alone now to think about himself, and he might started to worry why nobody care anymore.3 days later I called the father to see how. "He sleeps again till 4 o'clock, I couldn't stand it and pull him up again. He rebelled and we had a big fight. I have nothing to say to the WORRYING father. Its not easy to turn the table around.

Marital Problems That Often Lead to Divorce

2009-05-21T09:18:00.000-07:00

Refrence article from google

Marital problems don’t always lead to divorce. At times they may cause you to feel like you want to run screaming toward the courthouse but, that doesn’t have to be the situation. I know you’ve heard this before but, I’m going to say it again anyway…marriage is work, a lot of work. The stress and strain of every day life can distract us at times and cause us to lose focus on the work that needs to be done in the marriage. That same stress can invade a marriage, exacerbate, and magnify any marital problems and issues in the marriage.
Most marital problems are typical. In other words if you are married, you will, at some point be faced with pretty much the same issues that most married people face. There is no true way to gauge whether the problems in your marriage are insurmountable. Your commitment to the marriage and your spouse determines how much you are willing to put up with and how hard you are willing to work on the marriage. If you are thinking about divorce or feeling like taking a jog down to the courthouse, ask yourself some of the follow questions.

· Are you to the point that your spouse just can’t do anything right, does everything they do get under your skin?
· Does everything lead to an argument?
· Are you tired of the fighting, so tired you can’t muster of the energy to even engage anymore?
· Has the love you felt been replaced by resentment?
· Would you rather be anywhere than with your spouse?
· When you and your spouse are together do you find you have nothing to talk about or that you have little interest in talking to him/her?
· Does the idea of sex with your spouse cause you to shudder?
· Are you having an affair or thinking about having an affair?
· You find yourself doing the opposite of what your spouse needs from you just to spite him/her?
· Are thoughts of divorce running through your mind on a regular basis?
Don’t worry, just because you answered yes to most of the questions doesn’t necessarily mean you are headed for divorce. It does mean, however that your marriage is in trouble and that it is time to evaluate your feelings as far as your commitment to the marriage. Steps need to be taken to either fix the problems in the marriage or to get the ball rolling and the divorce process started. Staying stuck in an unhappy marriage should not be an option for you or your spouse. Get to work finding a solution for the problems or you will end up in divorce court.

SUICIDE

2009-05-21T08:59:00.000-07:00

Refrence article from google search.

Suicide is defined as the act of deliberately taking one's own life. It occurs most often in response to a crisis such as a death or the loss of a relationship or job. During a crisis people experience a wide range of feelings, and each person's response to crisis is different. It is normal to feel frightened or anxious or depressed. If a person feels overwhelmed or unable to cope, he or she may try to commit suicide.
Almost all people who kill themselves either suffered from depression or had substance abuse problems. People who are lonely and isolated or who have histories of previous suicide attempts are also at greater risk for attempting suicide.
Men are more than four times as likely as women to die by suicide, yet women are more likely to make a nonlethal suicide attempt.
Suicide is a major public health problem. Each year, firearms are used as many times for suicide as they are for murder. In some other countries, 71 percent of all firearm deaths are suicide.
Attempted and completed suicides result in enormous social, economic, and medical costs. Suicide is very disruptive to the quality of life of survivors and their families and friends.
Public health professionals have a major role to play in addressing the problem of suicide. Public health programs and policies can play a part before, during, and after completed or attempted suicides. First, public health programs are an important aspect of the prevention of suicide. Education campaigns can be used to increase knowledge and to change people's attitudes, beliefs, and values about suicide, and about people who may have attempted suicide. People may have distorted ideas about suicidal persons. For example, it is a myth that people who commit suicide never talk about it first. Most people provide important warning signs that can help to reduce the risk of suicide.
Health education can be combined with counseling or support programs. These programs can be provided by trained public health professionals or by peer counselors. For example, teenagers can be trained to provide counseling and support for other teens. Suicide awareness or prevention programs can be delivered in a variety of settings such as schools, churches, or in the community as a whole. They can also be delivered in psychiatric settings.
A second aspect of the prevention of suicide lies in judging or assessing a person's risk for suicide. Public health professionals such as nurses or doctors can help to prevent completed suicides by identifying people who may be thinking about or planning to try to commit suicide. They can also provide support through crisis or suicide-prevention counseling.
Public health can also play a valuable role during a suicide attempt. A suicide attempt is often a person's response to a crisis, or to a time when they feel overwhelmed or hopeless. Public health professionals can help during a suicide attempt through suicide-prevention counseling. This type of short-term counseling involves providing support and guidance to an individual who is suicidal. Its purpose is to decrease the person's emotional pain, to make sure that the person is safe, and to help develop a plan for coping. Sometimes suicide-prevention counseling includes connecting a person to community or health services. These services can then provide longer-term support.
Suicide prevention counseling is a valuable tool for public health. It is relatively low-cost, flexible, and simple to provide. A wide variety of health professionals, including doctors, nurses, psychologists, and social workers, can be taught to help people with suicide-prevention counseling techniques. These services can be provided in a wide variety of places or settings, including hospitals, community clinics, and telephone-based crisis centers or helplines. Suicide-prevention services provide an important link between the community and the formal health care system.
Public health professionals who work in suicide prevention and counseling are faced with a growing variety of issues and clients. Most communities are home to an increased number of people from a wide variety of cultural and ethnic backgrounds. There are also more older people in society. New issues that might trigger a suicide attempt include elder abuse, racism or discrimination, bullying, or gay bashing. Police officers, firemen, paramedics, and others are being trained to deliver on-the-spot suicide prevention counseling.
There is also a role for public health following a completed or attempted suicide. A suicide attempt or death can have a traumatic effect on the quality of life of survivors and their families and friends. Public health programs can provide important support services to survivors of a suicide attempt and their families.
Public health is only one important part of society's response to suicide as a health and social problem. There is also a role for law enforcement, the education system, the government, and the formal health care system in prevention, treatment, and follow-up to a suicide attempt.
Law enforcement (police officers) and public health professionals can cooperate to help suicidal persons. Police officers are often the first ones on the scene of a suicide attempt. They may act to prevent a suicidal person from hurting themselves (or someone else) through suicide prevention counseling. The may detain someone who is at high risk for suicide and refer him or her to appropriate public health resources.
The educational and health care systems also have a role to play in the prevention, treatment, and follow-up to a suicide attempt. Schools provide access to most young people and provide a place for delivering suicide prevention or awareness programs. They can also teach young people to recognize the warning signs of a potential suicide attempt in their friends, to provide peer counseling, and how to get immediate help and support. This is important because young people are at higher risk of attempting suicide than most adults.
The formal health care system (hospitals, clinics, doctor's offices) can play an important role in two main ways. First, people who are suicidal may come to an emergency room or a physician's office. In these cases, the health system serves as a "first-response" and crisis service. Second, once a person has been identified by a public health or law enforcement professional as suicidal, they may need to be hospitalized for a period of time. Health professionals can provide medications and further counseling or support to a suicidal person and their family.
Once a suicidal person is released from a hospital, public health professionals may make home visits or provide follow-up support through a community-based clinic. The prevention of suicide and the provision of support to people who are suicidal play an important and increasing role in the health of individuals, families, and communities.

Values counseling

2009-05-21T00:19:00.000-07:00

Our Values Statement

Influence follows close upon the heels of character -- Caroline Dall
Counseling With Values. What A Difference!

Theravive is the only professional therapist directory that promotes strong moral values as a foundation for counseling and therapy. In short, we believe in saving marriages, in restoring relationships, in individual dignity and the equal value of all people, in marriage & family, in the value of mothers and fathers in the lives of children, in forgiveness, in healing people so that they no longer need counseling (and sometimes even medication), and in safe, non-judgmental therapy.

Why Values Based Counselling?

Values counseling allows you to know the heart of your counselor. By knowing this in advance, you will have a greater understanding of your counselor's focus, goals, and counselling path. You gain a deeper, more objective insight into where you have been and the new direction that will bring you healing, restoration, and joy. Simply put, having a therapist who shares your values means better and more effective therapy. Values promote healthy living and relationships, helping us to get our lives on the right track. Values are the light posts that point the way to a better place, illuminating to us hope and purpose in our lives that we may not have seen before. They not only protect us, but also guide us.
A Broken World
All of us live in an imperfect world, and we all contribute, in various degrees, to its imperfections. In a way, most of us already acknowledge that the world is a noble yet dangerous place; full of wonder and beauty, but also of indifference and malice. For example, parents will try to protect their children in some fashion from the "real world." Children are innocent, and the real world is a place where innocence can be lost. In essence, most of us acknowledge that this world is lacking and falls short of something greater- something it could be, but that it isn't. Values counseling points towards a higher standard, while relative or "non-values" counselling looks only at the subjective.
Values Based Counselors point the way in a unified direction to something greater
When values are arbitrary, a unified direction does not exist, and confusion results.

The Need for Values Based Counselors
When people see a counselor, they may be coming for something as simple as help with befriending a co-worker, or they may be on their final hope of a collapsing life, having utilized every ounce of remaining strength just to walk through the door. It is so important that the counselor be well grounded in solid moral values and principles, because all these people having such a wide scope of issues are all seeking the same thing: a better way.

The Reason Why Theravive Exists
Imagine a man who's life is collapsing, his wife no longer loves him due to years of emotional neglect and she intends to leave him. He loves her more than anything in the world and cannot bear the thought of losing his wife. Where did he go so wrong? How can he fix this? This just can't be happening! -(sadly, he has no clue how his years of ignoring her emotional needs has caused her love to die). He manages to convince her to see a counselor for help. She is reluctant but figures she will go, she at least owes him that. Can you see how important it is that this man find the right counselor? He gets one shot...just one shot at finding a counselor who can peel off the layers that, over the years, have become hardened scaled armour, and bring hope for this dying marriage. What if the counselor he chose viewed marriage as merely a "contract" between two people? What if he wound up in front of a counselor who believed that cohabitation is just as good as having the "piece of paper" of marriage, or a therapist who was so morally neutral, that anything and everything was "right" simply if the client felt it was right? Can you see how important the values of the counselor are to a situation like this? He could open a phone book and randomly select any therapist, but how wise is it to take your future, and stake it on the roll of dice? There are a lot of licensed therapists out there, and not all of them have the same beliefs about marriage. This man desperately needs a counselor who is well grounded, and believes in marriage.

Values based counselling means that the counselor is always pointing to a better way, meeting the client where he or she is at, and guiding that person towards a higher place: a place of deeper truth, a place of greater meaning. Non-values oriented counseling will simply seek to return the client to a functional level, or simply at a place that is "best for them." Well in the example above what was "best for the wife" was divorce. Yet she may not realize, or even see, that there could be door for her that leads her to a joyful life with her husband. While we believe that all people have the capacity within them to change, that does not mean they can always see all the choices before them. Sometimes people are so heavily oppressed by their situation that they genuinely cannot see a way out, or are unable to discern the best possible path. This is where the values of the counselor are critical to effective therapy.

Values are the whispers of our conscience that show us those things in our lives that need to change, they help us understand not only the problems in our lives, but why they were problems. Without values, we are unable to identify destructive behaviors and patterns of thoughts that cause pain and brokenness. Values allow us to learn from the past, let things go, and illuminate a new path towards a brighter future. And while we may never actually reach the ideal, it is instead the journey towards it that holds the joy of living; that we live a life always walking forward, towards a better place, one that is full of hope, experiencing true freedom and purpose every step of the way.

VALUE: We believe in saving marriages, and in the restoration of relationships.
Statement of Understanding: Theravive is pro-marriage. This means our first hope is to save your marriage, if possible. Marriages to us are far greater than merely a "contract" or "piece of paper." They are the foundation for a healthy family. In 'saving a marriage' we do not mean simply keeping two people physically together where one or both spouses are unhappy. Our goal is that both spouses have purpose, connection, value, and joy together. Yet we also understand that not all relationships can be saved (such as a spouse who is adamant in divorce, or when someone's safety is at risk, etc.). In the case where a relationship cannot be saved, our goal is to resolve the issues that have left the relationship broken and restore the individual.

VALUE: We believe in the sanctity and dignity of human life, that all people have meaning and purpose, and that no individual is without true value regardless of age, sex, race, choices made in life, or religion.We believe that each individual has purpose, meaning, and objective value. People are not born as merely empty vessels upon which a society or government grants rights and value to. Instead, simply by virtue of being a human being, you have inherent value, purpose, and meaning. The worth and unique value of a human being is objective. At Theravive, this means your counselor will treat you with dignity, respect, and with genuine concern for your well-being.

VALUE: We believe in the family and in raising children by their loving and married mothers and fathers (this isn't always possible, it is simply the best possible).
Statement of Understanding:
We believe the best (ideal) place to raise a child is in a loving marriage. What this means is we believe that in a perfect world, children are meant to be raised and loved by their parents as husband and wife. We do not consider expendable, a mother or a father. It is unfortunate to us that in today's world children are actually planned in advance to be born without a mother or father in their lives, as if mothers and fathers are optional in the planning of families. Mothers and fathers offer unique attributes in the development of a child that no one else can fully substitute. A fatherless or motherless child, or a child in a single parent or unmarried home, may still have a wonderful loving home, but it is not something we would wish upon them when they become parents. Most single parents, for example, never planned on being single parents. We want our children to model the best parts of us, and not our pain. Teaching our children the value of marriage and family gives them a solid direction in life, and a strong system of values that will guide their future, helping them to become loving parents, even breaking the cycle that may have left us alone.

If you have read this value and feel that you are not even close, be encouraged; no matter where you are in life, therapy can bring a new direction for you and your children. We accept all clients where they are in life, and it is never too late to start a new path. Every journey begins with a single step.

VALUE: We affirm the need and power of forgiveness, acknowledging that right and wrong exist.
Statement of Understanding:
We believe that fundamental right and wrong are not relative, but something that is commonly understood. For example, whether its "small" acts like cutting in line, or larger ones such as acts of harm, stealing, or deception, the same universal principles are known, regardless of culture. These are the basis for our conscience.

Forgiveness implies that someone was wronged. Whether you are giving forgiveness to someone who wronged you, or you need forgiveness for someone you have wronged, there is a recognition that something happened that should not have, or did not happen that should have. In order for forgiveness to occur there needs to be an acknowledgement of responsibility and of right and wrong, meaning that sometimes guilt is a healthy response to wrongdoing. Too often in society we look to pin responsibility on everyone else, with the notion that there is no such thing as "wrong". In the world of psychology, too often counselors just assume guilt is an unhealthy emotion that should be let-go. While we agree that there are certainly times when guilt can be harmful to growth (a battered wife who blames herself), we also acknowledge that guilt can be healthy, a sign that an individual has a conscience, and a call to action. It is much more tragic when someone can hurt others and feel no guilt.

When we hurt someone else or when someone hurts us, we need to forgive, not just those who hurt us, but ourselves as well. Forgiveness allows us to let go of the hurt, and be free from guilt. Forgiveness is very powerful and essential in any committed relationship, and important for our own selves. Sometimes forgiving our self is harder than forgiving anyone else.

PRINCIPLE: Naturopathic Philosophy
We believe in resolving the underlying problems that lead to depression, anxiety, and other emotional and physiological issues. While medication may be a necessary part of an individual’s process to wellness, where possible, we work to free the client from the problems that medication has been prescribed to address. This results in the client requiring less or no medication and not becoming dependant on counselling. To put simply, drugs are a last resort, not a first resort. Far too many times, drugs are rapidly prescribed as a quick way to treat a client when they are not always necessary. We do not want to resort to drugs as an easy way out of dealing with a problem, yet at the same time we acknowledge that drugs are an important component of mental health. At all times, we work with, not against, the professional medical care given to our clients.

PRINCIPLE: Guide Not a Judge
While our counselors share common values, our clients need not. A client may live a life of different values, and is still accepted and welcomed, as we have a "come as you are" approach. And even though we believe in right and wrong, it is not our place to be judgmental, dictate, or impose on a client. No matter what the values of a client are, a good counselor will accept that client, and be a listener first. A counselor can never "fix" a problem or change someone, only the client can do that. A counselor that spends more time talking in sessions than his or her clients is probably missing out on important opportunities to understand and lead the client into a path of discovery. While there are certainly times that it may be appropriate to spend a lot of time advising a client, a good counselor is first a listener before being a speaker. A good counselor establishes a safe, collaborative relationship with the client and it is within the safety of this container that effective therapy takes place. A good counselor will guide, rather than judge. A good counselor will listen, rather than lecture. It is always the client, not the therapist, who must make the decisions regarding their life. The grounded counselor shows the way and provides the tools; the client must then make the choice and walk the path.

Trauma counseling

2009-05-20T23:55:00.000-07:00

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. - Author Unkown

What is Trauma and Traumatic Stress?
Trauma is an extremely subjective experience. What may be traumatic for one person may barely affect another. In a general sense though, trauma results when you experience excessive stress that overwhelms your emotional or physical ability to cope. While emotional trauma can result in the absence of any physical trauma, many times the two go hand-in-hand. For instance, the wounds from physical trauma like the loss of a limb or a gunshot wound, while an obvious shock to the body, will eventually heal. What the person is then left with, however, are the emotional wounds and repercussions of the actual traumatic event. Psychological trauma can last for many years, and if unresolved, can even become more devastating than the original traumatic event.

Millions of people affected each year by any number of traumas like natural disasters, fires, war, or even those that have no physical component such as the death of a friend or an acrimonious divorce or break up. The bottom line is, after the physical wounds heal, the majority of people are still left to deal with the psychological aftermath of these traumatic experiences. If left unchecked, these emotional wounds can quickly fester into serious lasting psychological issues. Through counseling and therapy however, you can learn to release these emotional binds and just as the physical wounds of trauma eventually heal, so will the psychological scars.

What Causes Psychological Trauma?
As horrific as the traumatic event may seem, it’s not actually the event itself that causes someone to become traumatized. It’s that person’s internal reaction to the event that determines the degree and intensity of their trauma. This is why two people can be in the same plane crash for example, and one person can go on with life as usual after the event but the other almost immediately falls to pieces. Both people experience the same event but their reactions to that event have very different psychological implications. Much of how someone reacts is directly related to their history, coping skills, and emotional stability at the time. We also now know that when you experience a traumatic event, the structure and functioning capabilities of your brain are physically affected.

There are any number of traumatic events, but generally, they are categorized as either one-time or single-incident events or repeated, long-term traumas. One-time traumas include such things as hurricanes, plane crashes, rape, robbery, or the death of somebody. These types of traumas can result from natural causes or be deliberately inflicted by another person. A long term trauma is the result of a prolonged horrific experience such as an individual held captive or one who is repeatedly abused. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a frequent result of long-term trauma.

What Are the Symptoms of Someone who has been Traumatized?
Traumatic experiences can produce emotional, cognitive, and physical repercussions. Emotionally, trauma victims can become anxious, depressed, fearful, and withdrawn. They can have recurring panic attacks. Mentally, if you have experienced a trauma you will likely also experience concentration problems; you could have problems remembering things, and feel distracted much of the time. In extreme cases, people experience flashbacks of the event, nightmares, amnesia, and intense feelings of guilt. Physically, many people have eating and sleeping problems. They are regularly exhausted and often, they develop unexplained chronic pain.

How Do I Know When to Get Help?
Trauma can affect anyone at any age. The effects can be mild or severe, creating extreme psychological issues. Any symptoms of trauma should be taken seriously. In some cases however, the effects of trauma can manifest months and even years after the event, so in actuality, it can be difficult to recognize the symptoms. Often people feel they are weak for needing help, especially when they compare themselves to others who may have endured the same traumatic experience. But it is important to remember that everyone reacts differently to trauma and there is no guideline as to how and what someone should feel. What we do know is that the sooner you deal with the symptoms of trauma, the better chance you have for a full recovery and to be free of the effects of these events. If left unresolved, emotional trauma can affect your daily choices and functioning and ultimately, it can manifest into serious psychological disorders with lasting effects. Just as we need help to heal the physical effects of trauma, we also need help to heal the emotional wounds. Counseling offers a safe and supportive environment to work through these issues.

Counseling for the Resolution of Trauma
Working with a Values-Based counselor to address the effects of a trauma can be a confusing and frightening task to begin. Whether the events occurred in childhood, five years ago, or last week, the impact of these troubling situations is not something we are taught how to resolve. Often, the thought of going through the events again and seemingly reliving the tragedy may appear more than we can bear. When you work with a Theravive counselor who has been professionally trained in the resolution for trauma, he or she understands this apprehension and is committed to working through these issues at whatever pace is comfortable and safe for you.

Many times, we learn how to cope and manage the symptoms of a trauma. Whether this is learning to calm ourselves when we experience a panic attack upon the reminder of an event, or seeking solace in our friends when we experience depression or sadness over the effects of the trauma. While these are important and helpful methods to manage the symptoms, a trauma counsellor focuses on resolution of the originating feelings and emotions that require coping skills into the future. If individuals have a lack of safety or security as a result of an event that left them exposed, vulnerable, or violated, trauma counseling begins by establishing a sense of safety for the individual.

The Importance of the Crisis Counselor
The trauma counsellor utilizes specialized techniques to identify and work through the emotions that have been internalized from the event. Often, individuals do not think “I should be afraid”, rather it becomes a state of being that is used to protect from potential harm. However, when this protection leaves the individual feeling anxious rather than safe, or sad about past events rather than focused on future possibilities, the coping mechanisms lose their usefulness. It is at this point that we see many individuals seek crisis counselling, as the current coping skills are no longer able to manage the symptoms. For some, this collapse of internal coping mechanisms can result in an emotional and psychological breakdown.

We provide and refer counselors specially trained in trauma counseling who work to resolve the negative emotions that remain from the experiences you endured. Freedom from the overwhelming emotions and feelings is possible resulting in fewer burdens and an ability reclaim your life and future.

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Avoid Drinking Sugar Cane Juice

2009-04-09T08:59:00.000-07:00

Please take 2 mins to read this.This email was sent by a friend whose father is working with the Ministry of the Environment in S'pore.
Health News - About Sugar Cane Drinks
A friend whose father works for the government health inspection passed on his info. Their job is to inspect all hawkers, their cooked food, their store hygiene, etc. They found sugar cane juice has the highest content of bacteria among all food.. In fact, it has exceeded the set limit.
Hence, these guys had to find out why. They went round all sugar cane stores and watched the way the hawkers handled their sugar cane, wash their glasses, their entire procedure. But they couldn't find the problem.
One day, they stayed till closing time and discovered some shocking facts! Whenever, the hawkers closed their stores, they would wash the floor with detergent.. As we know, the remaining sugar canes will be placed at the back of the store, vertically standing and as sugar canes are very porous, they tend to absorb whatever liquid around them. Besides the soapy water, the dirt on hawkers' boots, cats' urine, etc, will all be absorbed?? Now, whenever I eat at a hawker centre, I would warn all my friends about this and of course I stopped drinking my favorite sugar cane juice.
A friend, who loved sugar cane juice, was pregnant. She was always drinking sugar cane juice. Anyway, one day she miscarried and the fetus was already like 6 or 7 months old, I think. When the doctors did an autopsy to find out why all of a sudden the fetus had died inside her, they found traces of some chemical substance, which was found in cat urine. Large traces of it.
While it would not be able to harm adults, it was extremely toxic to babies, what more a fetus? So they tried to determine how this cat urine thing could have ended up in the fetus.. This meant that it had to be digested by the mother, right? And the only logical conclusion they could come up with was that since these sugar cane juice stall holders just leave the canes lying around on the wet and dirty floor, it would not be impossible to think that stray cats could have peed on those sugar canes or near those sugar canes. So think carefully the next time you order that favorite sugar cane juice!
Please pass this on to everyone you know in S'pore & M'sia.. Let's take action to make this world a better & safer place for all of us & the generations to come..

Poisonous Spider

2009-04-09T07:37:00.000-07:00

Three women in North Florida turned up at hospitals over a 5-day period, all with the same symptoms. Fever, chills, and vomiting, followed by muscular collapse, paralysis and finally, death..
There were no outward signs of trauma.
Autopsy results showed toxicity in the blood. These women did not know each other and seemed to have nothing in common. It was discovered, however, that they had all visited the same Restaurant (Olive Garden) within days of their deaths. The Health Department descended on the restaurant , shutting it down. The food, water, and air conditioning were all inspected and tested, to no avail.
The big break came when a waitress at the restaurant was rushed to the hospital with similar symptoms. She told doctors that she had been on vacation, and had only went to the restaurant to pick up her check.
She did not eat or drink while she was there, but had used the restroom.
That is when one toxicologist, remembering an article he had read, drove out to the restaurant, went into the restroom and lifted the toilet seat .
Under the seat, out of normal view , was a small spider. The spider was captured and brought back to the lab, where it was determined to be the Two-Striped Telamonia (Telamonia dimidiata), so named because of its reddened flesh color. This spider's venom is extremely toxic, but can take several days to take effect. They live in cold, dark, damp climates, and toilet rims provide just the right atmosphere.
Several days later a lawyer from Jacksonville showed up at a hospital emergency room. Before his death, he told the doctor, that he had been away on business, had taken a flight from Indonesia , changing planes in Singapore , before returning home. He did NOT visit (Olive Garden), while there. He did (as did all of the other victims) have what was determined to be a puncture wound, on his right buttock. Investigators discovered that the flight he was on had originated in India .
The Civilian Aeronautics Board (CAB) ordered an immediate inspection of the toilets of all flights from India and discovered the Two-Striped Telamonia (Telamonia dimidiata) spider's nests on 4 different planes!
It is now believed that these spiders can be anywhere in the world .
So please, before you use a public toilet, lift the seat to check for spiders. It can save your life!
这类毒蛛，喜藏身于阴暗凉爽处，如洗手间，马桶盖下，有剧毒。已有不少人死亡。

孩子犯错怎么办?

2009-04-04T08:42:00.000-07:00

许多父母都爱问这句话。世上没有十全十美的孩子,除非你能做到十全十美的父母。孩子都是从错中学习。许多父母就是犯了—个毛病就是忘了自己也曾经做过小孩子,一旦发现孩子有犯错行为,不知如何处理,往往造成了巨大的压力。除了加倍处罚外,也想不到更佳的方法了。处罚,不是不可以, 但如果方法不对,孩子不但没有从错中学习反而会变本加励.外罚,一定要有教育的成份,让孩子能明白与觉悟自己的错误行为.
我时常接到父母的投诉关于孩子的犯错行为,最普通的就是偷钱与说谎. 其他也包括懒惰, 不爱学习等. 更严重的是滥交损友,学习不良好的习惯如抽烟,赌博,吸毒等. 处理的方法也各有差别这期我只针对偷钱的问题, 会偷钱的小孩子—定会说谎. 许多关于孩子犯错的问题不是三言两语就能解答。更不能在很短的时间内,开出一个良方就可以解决孩子偷钱的问题.
首先我要了解孩子的成长过程, 是否他家人也有这种坏习惯. 有时大人的所做所为形成居广了孩子学习的榜样。比如说, 我的学校有位同学数次被捉到偷钱. 校方便请他的母亲来检讨这问题. 卻没想到孩子的妈一点也不警讶, 还说: “他偷了多少钱?我赔!” 过后这位同学被叫来见我, 经过盘问, 据了解原来偷钱对他来说亚不是什么大不了的事情.他的母亲也时常偷公私的东西回家. 这种不诚实的行为让孩子看到了, 自然的对偷盗这种行为不觉得有什么不妥。可见得父母是孩子的傍样。
这里要讲到的是父母的价值现。有时父母对诈骗或偷窃案件作出一些评语反映出父母的对此事的立场。若在那儿听到或报张的报导有关类式的新闻时，便半开玩笑地说出做些评语：“要做就做大单的就说你励害！”。类式的评语对孩子来讲这是一个很矛盾的价值观，到底诈骗或偷窃是对还是错呢？所以，要孩子不偷窃，做父母的要坚定立场，撤底地反对这种行为。遇到类式的新闻报导时就要刻意对家人说：“这是一种不道德的行为，捉到不但要坐牢，連累到父母家人也失去尊严。”一个有尊严的孩子，必定不会做出让他或家人丢脸的事情，所以父母必要栽培孩子的自尊心。一方面也要栽培良好的行为及善良的心。教孩子佈施，多做善事，帮助贫苦人家。多在孩子面前赞扬好人，让孩子清楚善恶之分。
対于有偷钱行为的孩子，父母必须明白他偷钱的原因何在；是不是他很需要某些东西而父母必定拒绝反対？或者他是有心理问题，每次偷窃成功就感到很刺激？也有可能他在外面做出一些隐瞒父母的事情。不管是什么理由，一旦发现孩子有偷钱的习惯，父母要把钱财收好。必免贪念起成了诱惑。
发现钱不见了，父母先不要太激动。也不要马上指定是孩子偷。先暗示你已经知道这件事。叫他来盘问时，必须单獨和他谈，不要惊动全部人。这是为了不要摧毁孩子的自尊心。要明白孩子是很在乎你对他的信任，你一旦宣布对他已失去信任，他以后也没有必対你诚实。如果孩子承认过错，不要立刻打他，因为这样你会鼓励他说谎。先赞扬他的诚实，才惩罚他。惩罚的方法很多，不一定是体责。比如说：扣他的零用钱，罚他做家务，暂时沒收他喜爱的东西等。最重要的是你要让他明白他的行为是错的。也许你会问我，如果孩子偷钱已成了爱好怎么办？打都打了，骂也骂了，还是有这个毛病，应该如何处理呢？为了消除偷窃的刺激感，我本身惯用的方法是把一合散钱放在某地方，然后对他说：你如果不夠钱用就在这里拿，让我知道你要買什么就行了。结果，孩子会失去了那种刺激感，也没必要偷了。我盡量必免用“偷” 那个字眼，因为我不想扁低孩子的人格。我预先对每个孩子说，如果需要钱可以和我商量。有时孩子的需求不合理，我就会和他妥协，让他明白家里的经濟狀况。且记住，不要每一次都拒绝他，导致他必要“偷” 才能满足需求。在这方面父母也可以栽培孩子节俭的习惯，鼓励他们存钱。我时常和孩子讨论家庭的情况，有时爭求他们的竟见，培养他们的责任感，这样他们才不会做出対家庭有伤害的事。

滥交不是自由

2009-04-04T08:41:00.001-07:00

一位離家出走，芳龄才十四岁的少女发个信息给我：“老師，我離开家了因为我要自由。” 出身于单亲家庭的丽莎是个问题学生。因为滥交和亂花钱，与母亲时常发生冲击。最后母亲已心灰意冷了，已不再管她。“老师，让她去吧！我已经精疲力竭，徹底的失败，这孩子我沒有办法管教。”每天与男孩子结班成群地在外头遊义不919必急着要长大荡，不到三更不回来。还有她的电话一百元可以在一个星期内用光。母亲限制她，她说母亲没有给她自由。
许多离家出走的个案,多数以寻求自由为理由. 然而,自由是什么来东西呢? 相信这些少女未曾能真正了解。自由是出於内心,—种轻松没有约束的感受。但这未必是一件好事。人不可能有绝对的自由,为了必免人会滥用自由去侵犯别人或伤害自己, 自由必须有限制性的。一个未成年的少女未能辨别好坏,对与错的，更不知外面人心多险恶. 明知山中有虎,难到爱你的父母还是让你向虎上山行吗?不管母亲如何歉告，丽莎不但没有改过，反而更变本加励。两个人已不能再沟通。许多人似丽莎—样,只顾贪玩, 寻求刺激, 加上色情的诱惑; 无知的少女还以为自己踏上了伟大的爱情…这一切己足够限制自由的理由. 如果你的所唯自由是滥交,浪费金钱与时间, 还有学习不良好行为; 这不是自由,是愚蠢, 是无知! 最后是短送了自己的前途.
有些错可以更改, 但有些错永远没有机会更改. 古人说: —失足成千古恨聚. 许多青少年生在福中不知福. 不要急着要长大, 那日子—定会来锦工9给框9哪时续你将会明白至真的自由.

望子成龙

2009-04-04T08:39:00.000-07:00

有位母亲致电求救：“我的孩子最近变了，在学校时常不交功课，被同学发现他把功课藏在巴士上。” 我约他们面谈。小明，一个9岁的小男孩，黯淡的神色顯出他心中的忧愁。９岁的男孩应该是活泼、淘气、快乐的年齡，而小明卻那么沮丧，似有很多心事压住他。经过审查才了解小明的问题。
小明的妈剛与丈夫离婚，小明从小就由姑姑撫养。姑姑也是有工做，所以一早就得送小明去安亲班。一星期两次去另地方補英语和国语两科目。时间到了就从安亲班那边踏巴士上学校。本来是很圆满的安排，为何小明会出问题呢？
“学校的功课太多做不完，有时不明白不会做。”
“不明白为什么不问？”
“不敢问，老师很兇。” 小明的头更低了，淚水在眼角边。
“晚上在姑姑那边功课不能做完吗？” 他搖搖头，淚水就掉下来。我接着问：“早上在安亲班那边也可以做功课吧。” 小明搖头道：“安亲班的老师另有给功课，做学校的功课不能超过两本。”
“如果学校有功课做不完，而安亲班的老师也给功课，你选做那一个？” 出乎我意料，他答：“安亲班。” 理由是：“安亲班的老师更兇，做不完功课就中打。”
小明的故事反映出当今马来西亚千千萬萬个华裔儿童的悲哀。天下父母都很緊张孩子的教育问题，但又不懂得如何处理，以为多就是好。除了学校日常上课，还送孩子去各式各样的補习班。小学的功课是異常的多，这是大家都共认的事实。学校也有安排列外的補习班；还有课外活动等。相信小同学回来已经精疲力竭了，吃了飯马上趕做功课，不然会挨到三更半夜还不能做完。星期六、日还要去補习。曾经有位母亲投诉，“做到晚上两点，有些功课我叫他哥哥姐姐帮忙才能完成。” 当时那位母亲很生气。我心想，老师呀！你用心良苦，但得不赏识。是不是我们太认真了，忘了在学院读过的儿童心理学？我们大人在儿童身上施的压力，久之，孩子对学习起了厌恶心，想逃避学校生涯；因为学校给他太痛苦的感受。现在已不难看得到，许多中学生不肯求学，半途放棄的，华裔学生站大多数。像小明这样的年纪，我替他算算，一天大概要花上１５个钟头面对功课。试问大人，你能不能１５个钟头不停地工做？
那天我得空与大儿子闲聊，他说：“我记得小时候很快乐，妈妈时常帶我们去公园玩，去海边、去旅遊等。偶而我会梦到童年时代，心中那种喜悦还在。为什么现在的孩子那么悲哀？” 我开玩笑地回答他：“因为那时候的補习老师赚不到吃，沒有人要教補习。” 我的大儿子畢业于新加坡国立大学，现已获硕士学位，已成家立业。
父母要孩子快乐学习，且记千萬别施太大的压力。是否要補习看他本人需不需要。小学时代，父母花多些时间陪孩子学习〔如上期提过〕。上了中学可能有些科目孩子需要補助才让他去補习。最重要是要栽培孩子能自动自发，就不怕他不肯学习。

美满婚姻的需求

2009-04-04T08:37:00.000-07:00

大明31岁, 工程师. 美娜27岁,书记. 网上交友认识. 交往数月决定同居.同居两年才结婚。婚后育有两子女。女儿3岁,儿子2个多月。婚后两年,生活还算甜蜜, 第三年起, 大明开始对美娜不满。他觉得美娜很懒,不肯做家务,更不会,煮食。大明放工回来,不但吃不到老婆煮的佳肴,还必须自己下厨, 老婆呢,躺在沙发看电观。家里更不用说乱七八糟了。大明从忍耐到埋怨,埋怨到生气,也改变不了美娜的作风。理由是,美娜不认为自己有错。从小到大,她的父母没要求过她做家务,一切都由佣人包办,没必要自己动手。大明这样的要求是想把她当成免费佣人。而大明出身在一个传统家庭,习惯了女人除了要相夫教子,出得厅堂也要入得厨房。
起初美娜也依他每次放工回来赶着煮吃, 不到几久,她感到很累。放工回来己经精疲力倦,还要做家务, 美娜觉得这样不公平, 因为大家都—样在外工做, 为什么只有女人要负担家务。第—次吵驾为了这个问题。为了解决问题,他们请了一个印尼女佣。两个孩子还是给保母带。第二个孩子出世后,开销也增加了。大明认为美娜应该负责一些费用。美娜不干心,她认为尊尼无权管她的钱财。就这样一天小吵两天大吵, 两个人开始很少谈话。这情况维持到六个月之久。
导火线那天是因为女儿耍脾气不肯吃饭, 大明顺手拿起滕鞭恐吓她,美娜就赶快抱走她。每想到大明既然生气, 叫美娜不要插手他管教孩子,不然连美娜也一起打。美娜不依, 大明就挥鞭打下去,打中了女儿的脚和老婆的手。这回事情可闹大了,第二天, 大明造常出去工做,回来时发现老婆孩子都不见了。后来获知被外家带走了。临走前还去报警,控他以暴力对待妻女。大明可吃不下这口气, 又警告,又恐吓,弄到事情更疆。大明的岳母致电马华辅导中心求救。
了解状况后, 分析他们的问题。最重要的观点是双方是想要怎样。大明表明他不想离婚,而美娜也诚认还爱尊尼, 只是失去了对他的信心。辅导的枝能, 不是帮他们解决问题, 而是在过程中引导他们思考发掘问题的根源, 以客观的角度理解整个事件后,自己找出解决方案。
俩个人一旦结了婚,就必须明白婚后的责任。俩个人既然决定要生活在一起,就得放下以前的生活习惯,因为以前的习惯可能已经不实合现在的环境。婚姻,是俩个人一起走的路。不论是钱财也好,家务也好,大家一起来分担。现代己经是男女平等的时代,许多伟统观念已经受淘汰。在管教孩子方面,夫妻必须拥手合作。多些向成功人士学习。外面有不少类式书报及心理学家的名作品可做参考。管教孩子,千万不可情绪化。打孩子若有发拽的动机会造成大错。而且法律上也不容许家长以暴力对代儿童。爱情,如一颗种子,婚姻是长出的苗。要开花结果是靠不断的灌概栽培,才会幸福美满。

张锦璇硕士
马华关丹区会辅导主任
彭亨马华志工团辅导主任
电话: 095171525/ 0129883060

培育优秀的孩子

2009-04-04T08:36:00.000-07:00

黃女士是本市镇有名的产业经纪人。她承认自己沒受过教育，连汔车也不会驾驶，但她卻能在自己的行业内撞天下，几天年内赚百萬。她育有四子女，每个都出人头地。老大还拿到新加坡政府的奖学金去伦敦剑桥大学深造，其他的孩子也出生於本地名大学。她的成功不谨於事业，连家庭,婚姻也是美满幸福。这里我願与大家分享黄女士成功的秘诀。
“我相信爱的教育。” 她很坚定地说，“许多父母只会打骂，以为打骂就是教育。有些甚至毒打，骂粗口等，最后孩子憎恨父母，不但不成材，还变成社会败类。我们从来不打骂孩子，最重要与他们沟通，互相尊敬，千萬不能伤孩子的自尊心，还要栽培孩子的信心，这样，孩子才不会难教。”
以下我简缩与黄女士交谈的几个要点与大家共勉励
〔一〕父母要以身作则。孩子都是模仿自已的父母亲，因为父母是孩子的第一个偶像。每个父母都希望孩子爱学习，自己卻不喜欢学习，从六十年代至今沒有进步过。很多时候学校〔中学〕办讲座会或其他能提升父母素质的活动，华裔家长很少要参于，藉口是：“不得空。” 今市场内有很多有易的书局供现代父母参考阅读，但有几位妈妈能靜靜地坐在孩子身边一起学习呢？
〔二〕父母牺牲娱乐，配合孩子学习的时间。黄女士说，孩子做功课时她不开电视机，避免干扰孩子的集中力。现在的电视机节目窮出不盡，多数家庭从早到晚在追逐看电视。电视机的引响力远比纳闷的书本来强得多。最后一家人齊齊看电视。我曾经做考察学生放学后如何利用时间。答案是：看电视，玩电腦，和朋友出街，打球等。很少同学说温习功课。为何父母管教不到孩子呢？自己检讨及反省一下，曾为孩子付出多少，想收获多少。
〔三〕道德，人格的培养。许多父母只知道读书重要，卻不注重孩子的人格培养。孩子一定要学习基本做人的道理。黄女士很強调孩子的基本教养。一定要孩子有礼貌，要孝顺老人家，要有责任感，要懂得善恶之分，要自爱，要帮助別人等；加上黄女士是个刻苦耐勞和勤奋的人,成为孩子学习的好榜样，要孩子不成材都难了。一个人格高尚，有价值观的孩子，不管是求学或工做，一定有优良的成级。
我想，黄女士不发掘最重要的一点，就是他们夫妻很和合，家和万事兴。夫妻恩爱家庭和谐，孩子才有安全感。有安全感的孩子自然有信心。有信心的孩子自然清楚自己的前途目標，加上本身拥有的美德和父母的鼓励及支持，孩子走上成功大道。

十六岁的优愁

2009-04-04T08:33:00.000-07:00

十六岁，花般的年龄，经过一次失恋，小梅就企图自杀,不果, 整日关闭自己，不肯上学。小梅对人生已经绝望。出生在小康之家，上有兄长下有弟妹，家庭人员也和谐相处，怎样猜也猜不出她悲观的理由。那天我收到小梅的信息：“老师，你说死亡是什么颜色？我说是白色。对我来讲,死,只是一个解脱。” 我立刻回息：”死, 没有颜色，像水晶般，那就是你父母白爱你十六年的眼淚。”
人生不要错过。人从生到死都要经过不同的阶段。，每个阶段都在演不同的角色。十六岁应该是在学校求学，準備考试。这时候是的你该立下目标在策划未来的时候。求学的日子只有是短短的十几年，但这十几年的努力将确定往后五十年的日子。得空时,请你注意你身边的人，你该发现到你身边是有很多朋友, 还有不少关心你及爱你的人。你可以和他们生活在一起,享受人生。十六岁的人生冲满活力，是人生最烂滥的年代。小梅，不管你有什么挫折，你可以信赖身边的父母，他们才是世界上最爱你的人。你的失恋，也不算是真正的失恋，必盡、你们也没有真正恋爱过。真爱,是能经得起考验的。真爱一?慎
处于这个年龄的少男女情怀初开.第一次喜欢上异性朋友, 以为就此能天长地久。太天真了!所以像小梅这种内向的女孩女会受伤得很利害。类式的问题也是当今许多父母面对及担心的问题。若不小心处理,会造成大错。
做父母,不要以为你心中的宝贝永远长不大。要多注意孩子成长的过程,特别是心理的需求。这时候的孩子心灵开始有变化, 对朋友亲过对父母。因为父母”不能了解他们的代心.”所以偶而父母必需扮演朋友的角色, 多与他们沟通。父母要有耐心聆听他们诉说, —方面也必需教育他们关于成长各方面的变化, 如性教育等。这个时期的孩子的心灵很复杂, 而且很柔盾。他们是懂非懂。有很多问题想知道又不敢问父母。许多早熟的孩子与父母沟通问题有关。基本上每个人都要人爱, 如果在家感受不到爱, 那么他们就在外面寻找爱。所以父母时时要谨慎他们的暗示, 一旦发现孩子开始有爱人, 也不必太大惊小怪, 要提醒他们关于他们现在的处景,前途及目标。让他们明白自己的心。

Jenny

2009-04-04T08:31:00.000-07:00

这是—个很辣手的个案。珍妮十岁时己经开始学坏,她学会抽烟,偷钱, 说谎,滥交和用暴力。她父亲在她没出世前已经和母亲离婚. 母亲管教不到,十三岁就送她进私人感化院。在感化院里认识—位阿姐;不到三个月阿姐带她逃走。逃到一个市镇,那边有人接手,带她们去赚钱。除了接客,她还学会吸毒。什么毒品都试过,包括大麻,白粉,冰毒及摇头丸。三个星期后又给人找回来,回到母亲身边。—个小女孩怎么会变成那么坏呢?
珍妮小时候,母亲在酒廊工作. 珍妮时常去酒廊等母亲.五颜六彩的生活无意中引响了珍妮的心里成长。在酒廊里有位安娣偷偷教珍妮吸烟. 她开始学坏,母亲没有法子就处罚她.处罚的方式有许多, 包括用棍打,用有刺的树枝打, 用狗链及用烟蒂等. 她被妈妈打后心里很柔盾, 想哭又想笑。哭的是皮肉痛, 笑的是能弄到妈妈生气。
我头一次见珍妮的时候,她的样子像二十多岁的女人, 然而他才十三岁。她说,人生没有什么意义,可以说是绝望.有想过自杀但没有勇气. 她很想离家出走。虽然那一段日子很堕落,但总比家里快乐的多。母亲动不动就打开大门赶她出去. 她也离家无数次, 但一到街头,走投无路,在外面又冷又饿, 最后还是走回家。珍妮说,她在这个世界是多余的。所以她只想今天,没想过明天。每—次中毒打, 她会起报复的心.她说,我一定要弄妈妈更心痛. 有一句话妈妈打她时括在嘴边讲: “爸爸不要我就是因为你带来的衰运. 你是扫巴星.” 这句话令珍妮很伤心,自责. 她对我说:”老师, 我—出世就是罪人,干吗要我做好人.”
孩子犯错了怎么办? 我会在下期深入讨论这个话题。这期只谈珍妮的个案。每个孩子需要爱。天下父母那个不爱孩子呢? 许多父母以为自己很爱孩子, 但他们爱错了. 爱, 如果不懂, 会变成宠爱或逆爱. 宠爱会导至孩子变坏. 逆爱也会起反效果. 怎样爱孩子才能令孩子感受到你的爱。我们华人的传统观念是, 因为爱你, 才打你. 或打你是因为要教你. 往往父母打孩子时会失控, 变成毒打.相信珍妮的母亲为了珍妮, 受很大的压力. 才以暴力对待珍妮. 珍妮身理的痛远不如心里的痛。珍妮说,她感受不到妈妈的爱. , 珍妮的成长过程没有感受过温心的爱, 叫她如何懂得去爱别人或爱自己呢?
爱要表达出来. 许多人爱在心头囗难开. 我曾问过许多同学: “你们能感受到父母的爱吗?”许多会说, 好像有又好像没有, 理由是, 他们没说过爱我, 不开囗还好,—开口就骂人. 如果你要孩子有爱心就要用爱来栽培他. 除了言语的表达, 还要给他一个触感, 列,拥抱, 握握他的手, 摸摸头等. 对孩子说: 孩子,妈妈疼你.爱的话题,也是长篇大论.在这在里我简单地说,爱,在适当的时候,必要说出来. 爱孩子,不要有条件. 有条件的爱会起柔盾心. 爱,能令—个人感到温馨. 在爱的栽培下, 孩子对自己才有信心. 有信心的人, 对人生充满希望. 这样他才清楚自己要走的方向.这里我做一个比较, 为什么有些孩子爱读书而有些却不爱读书. 道理很简单,第一类的孩子清楚他的人生目标而第二类孩子却没有目标。—个有目标的孩子对人生有价值观, —个有价值感的孩子才会有自尊, 懂得分辨对与错。如果珍妮是有自尊的孩子她就不会做出那些伤人害已的事。
我用很长的时间辅导珍妮。起初和她建立关系,后用同理心听她诉说, 分析问题的根原. 让她挖掘自己解决问题的潜能. 后我灌输道德观念,再社立人生目标. 我也拜访她母亲设法了解她们之间的沟通问题. 我不敢说—定会成功,不过目前珍妮在努力改邪归正. 她和母亲的关系也促渐好转. 她和同年的女孩子一起游戏,—起上课, 真希望她能快乐成长。
生孩子要栽培,不是给她温饱就算了,孩子需要大人的爱才会安全感有安全感的孩子才有自信心了有了信言心才会有木板入9标了解

A Story to live by

2009-04-03T08:40:00.000-07:00

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'
有一位瞎女很討厭自己因為眼睛瞎了。她也討厭每個人，唯一不討厭的是她的男朋友，因為他都常守在她身旁。於是她對她的男朋友說：「如果能讓我看到這個世界，我愿意嫁給你！」
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.
有一天，有人捐了一對眼精給她。當紗布解開時，她能夠看到一切，包括她的男朋友。
He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him. 男朋友問她：「現在你可以看到這世界，你愿意嫁給我嗎？」那女孩看了男朋友是個瞎子，他那對蓋上眼皮的眼睛嚇到了她，這是她無法想像。她想：要我嫁給他而一生對�羲�這個樣子，我無法接受。
Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'
於是，她的男朋友很傷心的離開她，幾天後寫了字條給她：「親愛的，請你好好照顧你的眼睛，因為它不是屬於你的之前，它是屬於我的。」
This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.
這也是人的腦會如何做當情況有所變動。只有少許人會記得他或她之前的生活及誰會在身旁當他或她處在困境的時候
Life Is a Gift
生命是一份禮物
Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.
今天，當你要講一句不善之言－－請想想那些無法講話的人
Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
當你要埋怨食物的味道時－－請想想那些沒有食物吃的人
Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.
當你要埋怨你的先生或太太時－－請想想那些在向上天哭訴要一個伴侶的人
Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who died too early on this earth.
今天，當你要埋怨生活時－－請想想那些太早離開人世間的人
Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren. 當你要埋怨小孩時－－請想想那些渴望小孩而無能生育的人
Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.
當你要爭論沒有人清理屋子時－－請想想那些住在街邊的人 Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
當你在哀訴駕駛的路程－－請想想那些同樣的路程以代步的人
And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job. 當你很疲備而埋怨工作時－－請想想那些無工作，殘疾的，及那些多麼希望擁有你這份工作的人
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us is without sin.
當你想要指著人或互相譴責時－－請記得沒有一個人是無罪
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile your face and think: you're alive and still around.當壓抑的念頭讓你無法振作時－－請你笑一笑想想：你還活著存在世間！
I PRAY THIS MOVES AROUND THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE...
我祈禱這訊息能夠繼續傳至全人類...............

Life is just like this

2009-04-03T08:13:00.000-07:00

我们一出世，就被教导做个好孩子
拼命的读书，好了读完书了。大学也毕业了。拼命的做工，赚多多的钱。。。拼命的存钱，买房子，车子，保险
不小心找到了老婆，好了，结婚了，钱也用完了
再拼命的做工，好了30岁了，开始瓶颈。。。再拼命的读PARTTIME，好了，学位高了。。。
拼命的抚育孩子，好了，孩子读书了。。。
拼命的灌输孩子要努力读书。。。。
自己拼命的做工。。。学位高了，压力也高了。。。
回到家，妻子照顾孩子，不得空理你。。孩子忙着读书，不得空理你。。
月头，样样都是钱。
孩子和你拿钱。妻子和你拿钱房子和你拿钱保险和你拿钱车子和你拿钱
过年了，更加多钱
除了以上，
母亲和你拿钱红包和你拿钱旅行和你拿钱NIKE，LEVI，PRADA ，GUCCI，REEBOK ，PADINI。。。和你拿钱海外天也可能和你拿钱
40 岁，男人危机。。。拼命的工作，保住职位。。。成了大家眼中的势利同事。。。开始害怕失去工作，开始留意年轻同事。。。想读书，钱，没有了，想换工，薪金高，岁数大，难讨新工想尽办法，还是不能爬上经理职位，还被一个年轻人上了位。。
孩子开始读中学了，和你拿更多的钱。父亲节，拿你给的钱，买了你没有用的东西。。。。房子! 还是和你要钱车子旧了，开始不听话了。。。还是要给钱! 妻子也是一样和你拿钱，旦绝对没有收条给你看。夫妻要信任
好不容易熬过50 了，要退休了，无风无浪。。。虽然压力大，新上司意见多多，不要紧。我顶！
就要拿公积金咯！但是孩子要出国读书-- <>
好了，公积精拿完出来了，一大半给了孩子，剩下的给了妻子
还是回到零。。。退休了，不用做？？？不能几十年没有呆在家，忽然和妻子相处。。。妻子看不顺眼丈夫无所事事，命令丈夫开始学做家事，！
扫地，抹地，剪草，洗车，样样都要做。。。
好了，房子供完了。。。车子也没有什么架了。。。
开始觉得人生很无奈，自己从一个提款机，最后变成了一个佣人。
孩子出国回来了，拍了一些照片。。。开始找工了。。。
毕业=失业，工难找! ，最后找到一份只可以养活自己的工作。还是要住在家里。。。吃，交通。去的薪金的一大半。。所以只是意思意思的给RM100给父母做伙食费。。
3年过去了，孩子好不容易累计的工作经验，薪金高了。。。但是却开始要买辆汽车代步。。。母亲帮助 +自己储蓄，给了头期。。。有了汽车，费用也多了。。还是意思意思给 RM200作伙食费
好不容易的工作开始稳定了，但是却认识了一个女朋友。。。开始了人生计划。。。要买房子了。。。
由于车子+ 女朋友费用太大，还是不能给伙食费太多，而且女朋友说 3? ?计划，全部钱要储蓄。。。
2 年后，终于买了房子，买了房子，开始要结婚了。。。
我终于有用途了，被叫去提亲。。什么都不可以多说，全部老婆讲。自己讲些客套话就行了。。。
摆酒，婚礼，旅行。。。用了一大笔+ 母亲储蓄+ 我剩下的公积精
我还是回归零，。。。继续的剪草，扫地，做家务。。。
结婚了后，孩子很少会来了，忙着自己的家庭。。。偶尔假日才回来看看父母。。。每个月意思意思的给 RM200 。孩子自己也困难了。要维持自己的家庭
好了，30 年前的计划希望能够开始，旅行！！
大事不妙，媳妇怀孕了，生了个孩子。。。母亲代抚养，因为媳妇孩子都做工
本来平静的退休生活又再次起了涟漪。。。每天就要照顾孙子，晚上他哭我就跟着醒，开始学习新的技术，喂奶，包尿片，唱歌，拍手掌。。。
孩子每个月意思意思的给多RM300 ，当着是孙子的伙食费。。。
照顾了5 年后，孙子大了，孩子抱回去了，一切回归平静。忽然想起 30 年前的约定，决定和妻子去旅行。。。。
还是去不成了，妻子年级大了，病痛也多了。。。自己的腰骨也常闹别扭。。。医生说要多休息。。。孩子已经抱回孙子，每个月意思意思的给回 RM300 伙食费
惟有呆在家里看电视。。。。一天早上，妻子看见为什么老头没有起来扫地。。。想去房里骂我，但我已经回到天国去了。。。
孩子为我做了后事。。。
最后我成了一张照片。
人生就是如此讽刺。。。呵呵

Politician has a warm heart

2009-03-30T07:52:00.000-07:00

Many people think that politician is a fake fellow who comes with a purpose.He wants names, fame's and he is not genuine.But I think politician has a warm heart. I had been mixing around with politicians lately and I see they respond quickly to people who need helps.They concern about the well being of the public.Though they have to fight for the positions among themselves but for a purpose, I think, "To serve the people". David is my good friend and he is a politician. One day ,late in the evening he called me to help a lady who has no home to go back to.David paid for her food and accommodation for the night. We dealt with this case for many days and at last settled.Whenever there is a case, David quickly visits the victim and shows his concern, sympathy and empathy. Franky is another politician whom I knew for a long time. Before Franky was elected as the representative, he is a helpful man. He always help people for no purpose. He is kind hearted, as I said, he got a warm heart.In short I would say that without a warm heart, you wouldn't choose to be a politician. Many people don't want to be a politician. Not all politician can become rich, though some were, many of them giving more than taking.I remember my friends once warned me : You mustn't be too close with those politician, one day they use you for their purposes and you will get hurt. But I didn't take the advice because I have a different opinion about politicians. I can feel their warm hearts. They themselves might not realise it, but this is a character they must own to be a politician. I am nothing in compare to them. If in this life people can use you, that mean you are useful.I want to say this to the politician , you know why you want to be a politician? Because you have a warm heart!!

Get yourself out from other people's mind

2009-03-09T08:40:00.000-07:00

I was attending to a case whereby a lady claimed that her suffering was due to her boyfriend who tortured her mentally . How could this happen? Well this is how the story goes.
" Sometimes I wanted to be just with my children, but if I don't invite him , he probably will think that I am trying to leave him out. But when he turns up, I feel hatred and annoyed at the sight of his appearance."
"I planned to go back for Chinese New Year, but if I go, he might think that I want to runaway from him, I stay back but felt very upset about the matter, what should I do?"
"I can't even make new friends, if I do he probably think that I am trying to push him away?"
So, What is wrong with this lady? Yes, she is living in other people's mind. She worries too much about what other people might think...

1. You are not bond to this person, why cares...let him think what he wants to think, you must do what you think is good and right for you.
2. You cannot stop other people from thinking , let it be..
3 Be genuine, just be yourself, learn to say 'NO' when necessary. Let put yourself the first priority, other people , NEXT.

Lets jump out from his mind, if you don't love him , say so. No need to be over obliging,especially in the interpersonal relationship matter. Many people are not happy because they are not genuine, they try to please others and fulfill other people's wishes.

Teacher and Student

2009-02-27T07:09:00.000-08:00

A boy was in the process to be expelled from school for several discipline problems. He is in form 2and only 14. What mistakes could a boy of 14 done to deserve this punishment? I summon the boy to my office. He had list of bad records, beside "ponteng" class, fighting and smoking, he also broke the school fence with the other fellows to escape from the extra mural activities.As usual, in school we have RULES and Regulations that purposely set to be obeyed by the students. Or other wise these students never learn to be discipline.
"Why you did all these? " I asked him. This is what he told me, " No use to be good,nobody ever appreciate me, even if I changed." "What make you think so? What is the prove?" He said, " I tried to be good but the teacher never even looked at me. She never called my name, never asked me a question or told me to do something. So whats the purpose of staying in the class? " You mean all the teachers did that to you?", " No only Cikgu Zu. " " Well do you think this is a good excuse to give up your future?" He frowned, "No.." "There must be a reason why the teacher ignored you, do you think so?" "I never paid attention while she was teaching.."
This is my comments about the whole matter. To be a teacher, you must have a big heart, heart of a mother. Sometimes we failed to identify the course of evils. If the students are all good, well behave, obedience, then teachers no need to go for training, no need to learn the methodology, adolescent psycology etc. Why we need to qualify to be a teacher? Because we are expecting our clients are "problematic" in the process of growing. Yet we forget about all these. we only punished them.

Al Kisah Lembu

2009-02-26T07:21:00.000-08:00

Akhir-akhir ini isu lembu telah mengemparkan rakyat Malaysia dan negara-negara jiran. Nescaya isu tersebut telah menjadi bahan ketawa para member kedai kopi. Walau pun isu ini nampak kelakar, tetapi kita tidak seharusnya memandang remeh tentang perkara tersebut.
Pertama, maruah negara telah tercabar.Lembu yang dilambangkan sebagai 'Bodoh'bagi orang Melayu, mungkin kerana setitik nila rosak susu sebelanga. Negara jiran kita angkap orang Malaysia betullah bodoh.Orang lain sedang sibuk gawat ekonomi tapi orang Malaysia tidak habis-habis dengan isu lembu.Balai polis pun sibuk dengan aduan dan saman oleh kerana lembu. Kes ini hampir sama hebat dengan kes Bush kena lempar kasut, diserata dunia orang orang berkenaan telah menghimpunkan kasut, melukis kartun kasut, melukis poster kasut dan lain-lain.Sejurus, rakyat jelata agak terhibur dengan "kasut".
Kedua, ada setengah pihak masih anggap rakyat Malaysia masih hidup pada zaman purba di mana apa yang diperkatakan oleh "Ketua" pastinya benar. Mereka telah lupa bahawa ramai orang yang telah dihantar ke MARA, telah graduat dan jadi manusia berkepala otak geliga.Mereka mampu membuat analisis tentang apa yang berlaku. Siapa betul-betul rasuah dan siapa buat-buat rasuah. Mereka juga dapat bezakan nilai rasuah lembu dengan nilai 5 million yang mana harus diutamakan.
Berikutan dengan itu jelas kita dapat lihat bahawa orang yang dengar cakap lebih berpeluang untuk naik pangkat dibanding dengan orang yang layak. Isu ini telah mencabar martabat dan kewibawaan seseorang menjalankan tugas yang dimandapkan oleh rakyat.Oleh yang demikian, rakyat bertambah keciwa dan kesal, malah takut dan sangsi dengan orang-orang tersebut tadi. Manalah tahu, bila giliran kita pula jadi mangsa.Bukankah mereka diberi kuasa muklak? Tanya tuan-tuan. Ya, tapi kakitangan kerajaan tidak terlepas dari"Saya yang menurut perintah". Pepatah Cina ada berbunyi,"Anjing yang selalu makan tahi akan makan tahi juga walau pun diberi nasi.
Mungkin apa yang diperkatakan tadi semuanya tidak benar. Isu ini timbul kerana satu kesilapan iaitu ada orang tak sabar-sabar nak "jet" menteri,manalah tahu kok kok boleh dapat Tan Sri...hasil dari"Kecekapan" beliau menjalankan tugas. Beliau tidak sangka hal ini telah menjadi isu. Oleh sebab itu orang tua-tua kata "jangan main api, nanti bakar diri!"
Sebenarnya orang politik bukan semuanya jahat.Orang yang nak join politik mestilah orang yang berpersonaliti jenis sosial dan suka menolong.Orang yang betul-betul berwibawa, membela rakyat, membantu menyelesaikan segala masalah dengan tidak kira masa atau wang ringgit. Tetapi oleh kerana wujudnya isu-isu seperti isu lembu tadi, orang-orang ini telah menjadi mangsa. Mereka dihukum oleh rakyat sama dengan hero "lembu" tadi.

Why Kids nowaday got no sense of responsiblity?

2009-02-14T06:07:00.000-08:00

It was The School Sports Day. I had selected the house representatives to run in the selected events. The sports was going to start soon but those 'bunch' not yet visible anywhere in the school compound. At last I couldn't wait any more, I had to sent the reserves instead. I called up those fellows and 'screw' them, this was the answer, " I couldn't wake up...Last night game till very late" I think I need to used the worst BAD words to curse those fellows! By the way, I don't think their parents knew that their kids was selected to represent the house in the sports events. THEY just didn't talked about this matter. Those days our parents were equally excited when we were selected as representatives. We felt honoured to be a representative. If we needed a costume, our parents would take all the troubles to make one for us. The parents in fact ,were involve too, there was an event for "IBUBAPA". But what a tragic scene I saw today at the Grand Stand.Beside the Principle and the VIP from the Education Department, There were handful of parents with the empty chairs, 99% were Malays and none Chinese.This is not a racist matter but when the Chinese kids go to secondary school, this is exactly is happening. The Chinese parents are FOREVER BUSY!!! As though nobody else except them, are working, even on Sundays.They not only not supporting what ever programmes organised by school, if possible, avoid it! What they don't understand is that the "Couldn't be bordered" attitude they are showing to their kids have cultivated the 'IRRESPONSIBLE" attitude in their children, which later would become worsen till they premature left school before graduated. Why? They couldn't be bordered even their own future. No need the quota system to kick our Chinese kids outside the university doors, its their own attitude! The 'couldn't be bordered' attitude that cause them to lose all the opportunities; until one day they realise 'THE IMPORTANCE OF EDUCATION' OH, NOT THEIR FAULTS, ITS THE GOVT THAT BIAS.............

Live a Life for Today

2009-02-04T04:16:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I felt very sad listening to the old songs or passing through places I once been. The old memories came back but the people in the memories were no longer there. I just lost my childhood best friend of cancer who lived so near yet lost contact for years. I was too busy to make contacts until her family found me because it was her last wish to meet me again. She held my hands and tears rolling down, unable to speak. Just 3 week later she passed away. Most people never prepared to die until death comes. This is how most people live, chasing after tomorrow and never enjoy whats we are today. When we were in school, we wished we graduated quickly and get a job.When we were working, we look forward to our retirement day. When we retired, our life almost gone and we are near to grave. We never enjoy a day so call TODAY. We always tell our children to think of FUTURE. And future is infinite. We are BUSY all the times. We never stop by to just look at things around us; such as flowers blooming, birds singing, or listen to the insects chipping. BUSY is a deathly disease that strikes most of us today. 50 years past by so quickly, when I look back, I just couldn't remember a day when I was idle. My son gave me this idea when I asked him one day; 'What are you doing son?' he said," Idle...'Now I am looking forward to the day I would be idle. I had signed up for op 58, so have to add another 3 years to the day, IDLE. Let hope I won't die before this day....

Dreams

2009-01-06T05:11:00.000-08:00

I had an interesting discussion with my son Hui about dreams. We found that some of the dreams are similar between us. I listed the dream event like below:

1.The dream is about we felt angry over someone, our hands reach out to punch that person but some how the punch cannot reach him, the fist goes slow and soft.

Interpretation: May be we were angry over somebody during day time but we couldn't express our self. Thus we kept that feeling of anger to ours elf.

2.Dream about going to school or somewhere, but there always obstacles such as the bus already left, or on the way we found our self NAKED. Somehow we couldn't reach that place.

Interpretation: Unfinished business. We may be worry over some project or work meeting date lines but not yet done.

3.This dream is very special and both of us dreamt the same thing. The dream is about a night when we look up the sky ,we found that there were so many things and event up there, such as space ships, people driving cars, aeroplanes, and many more things, in fact the sky is full of activities.

Interpretation: We had a good day, feeling happy or satisfied during day time.

4.Dream soak in the water, feeling very cold.I used to dream about swimming in the sea or river, somehow just cannot get out of it.

Interpretation: May be your room air con is too cold. Or you blanket goes off.

5. Dream about going to 'pee' but somehow the toilet door is opened or the toilet has no wall.

Interpretation: WELL YOU REALLY HAVE THAT FULL NEST FUELLING. better GO TO PEE BEFORE YOU PASS IT ON THE BED!

3. This dream is very special

Between Medicines and Supplements

2008-12-07T15:10:00.000-08:00

This is a case about a client who delayed treatment, her sickness is getting worse and now waiting at the dying bed. Many people who believes in the Direct Sales business sometime stand a risk of the similar event. This girl was an active 'A'Direct sales dealer. When initially she felt a lump in her breast, she already suspected cancer. But she had no fear because she strongly believed that the 'A' product got all kinds of supplements which is better than western medicine because western medicine got lots of side effects.So what she did was to prescribe her own medicine, mixing all kind of vitamin pills and etc taking everyday instead of seeing a doctor. 'Don't Listen To Doctors 'the tittle of the book is some sort like that I came across in the 'A' business campaign which she proudly showed to me when she is still well. Here I don't mean to condamn about the Direct Sales business but the belief system of the people who does the direct sales business.
Firstly, these DS business employed professional motivators who can talk so well that the members would believe in the myth of the products. Most DS who has food supplement claim that their product could 'prevent' or even 'cure' the deadly disease CANCER.The story line is almost similar: Somebody already verdicts NO CURE by the doctor, after taking the products, got cured. So many ignorant people who believe in the story and join membership and pass on the myth to other people. Sometime the unlucky one who strikes in the business may strikes the deadly disease such as CANCER. This would challenge their belief system and is a time to PROVE what they believe is true. The faith in the products might go stronger because their up line friends would come to encourage them to believe in the products. So the treatment would be delayed.
Many people still cannot differentiate between Medicine and supplement. What doctors usually do during seeing a patient is giving treatment, and one of the treatment is giving medicine. Medicine is a kind of drug which contain active ingredients which can kill certain germs, bacteria or virus.Some medicine treat the symptoms such as pain killer etc. Doctors did more than giving medicine as in some cases need to do operations, transplant, chemotherapy etc. In the process of treatment doctors need to undergo investigations and observations in order to be sure of the right treatment for the disease. Though doctors also give vitamins and other supplements in between the treatments but that is only to support the treatments, and doctors know the amount to give when to give, the body mass against the dosage. Doctors had been through in the university for 5 years at least, how can he know less than an aunty who not even pass form 5, in the cases of treatment for diseases? Should you believe in the DS propaganda who is not responsible if anything goes wrong with you for taking their products?
The supplements are vital vitamins, minerals or protein which can also be found in the food we take everyday, Too much of it is a waste because the body only keep what is needed . Over dosages in the case of vitamin A can be toxic.DS company are very fond of making foul claims . They may rely on one or two cases that not really true. As in the case of my friend who suffered gout for a long time. He had been taking the medicine from the hospital routinely until he met this DS personal who claimed his product can cure his sickness. True enough after he took the product, the pain subsided. I told him the DS product might contain hidden active ingredients such steroids which also can relieve any kind of pain but overdose could be harmful. True enough after sometimes, the report about the steroid contain reveal in the newspaper. The product was forbidden.
Medicine shouldn't be taken without doctors prescription! Cause one man medicine could be another man's poison. Most products that can relief pain immediately are sure enough to contain steroid. Steroid are cheap thing but can do wonders. Not all DS company are genuine. They may not claim what is the active ingredient in the product. What they are interested in is to draw your money out from your pocket. The price you pay for the DS product is not cheap, usually is triple the price we pay outside. For example vitamin C, I paid about RM 20.00 for 100 tablets from the pharmacist whereas the DS sold me RM 75.00 for the same amount. They claim their is better. Well Vitamin C is vitamin C , how can one could be better than the other? So don't get cheated by DS company. if you are sick, see doctor immediately. Back to my client,if she get the treatment earlier, she might be able to live longer.

Instrumen Kompetensi Pemimpin Sekolah (KOMPAS©)

2008-11-09T19:46:00.000-08:00

Instrumen Kompetensi Pemimpin Sekolah (KOMPAS©)

To Become A Counselor

2008-10-24T07:03:00.000-07:00

Many people wish to be someone else apart from their own self. I met a group of people who undergo some courses in counseling, they wanted to practise counseling. I had a couple of friends who also claim themselves counselors after undergo some counseling sessions by a professional counselor. The process had make them think that they had qualified to become a counselor. Meeting a counselor is just like meeting a doctor, after some treatments you'll might feel better but this doesn't mean you are good enough to become a doctor yourself.
To become a counselor you need to have a basic degree in counseling. Four years in the university has a lot to learn.The syllabus covers Psychology, Philosophy, Sociology, Counseling theories, Motivation theories, Cross culture counseling, Counseling skills, 6 months Practical Exams, 1500 cases to deal, Examinations and assignments, then only if you get all through; you will obtain a DEGREE. A degree isn't good enough, you have to apply for license, undergo some interviews then only you are qualify to become a registered counselor.
As a counselor you are bounded by Code of Attics . Could courses of few days cover all that I had mentioned? I don't think so.
Many people thought that counseling is giving advices. This is wrong. WE ARE NOT GIVING ADVICES. Counseling is a process whereby the relationship between the counselor and the client work together to reach a state of self improvement. At the end of the process the client able to gather the strength to help himself to solve his own problems. We may not be able to change the situation , we also couldn't change other people but we can change our concepts. All counseling process are based on certain theories. Its not the coffee shop kind like talking. There are objectives to reach in our meetings. Many people like to help other people, but if you're not a professional counselor, than refer the case to the professional. Otherwise ,you will make the situation worse!

Laziness is the deadly disease of the youngsters

2008-10-17T20:45:00.000-07:00

Lately I had been invited to give talks to many secondary schools. That also include some of the primary schools , especially the Chinese schools.I used to be careful in arranging my materials about how our Chinese students doing in secondary schools, in order not to be too offensive, I'll hid some of the truth and just speak what favourable to hear to our Chinese community . Is it wrong to speak the truth? I always asked myself, and this time I decide to speak the truth. The result is I didn't feel good about it after seeing how people react cause the truth is too painful to bear, especially by the race who always think superior about themselves.
There are two categories in secondary school about our Chinese students. Either they are the top cream of 10% or the worst lots of 30% and the middle are mostly the Malays. Today I am not going to talk about the good one. They are always well taken cared of. God bless them. But the worst lot really worry us, they are our future generations who suppose to lead and take our place after we left.
Laziness is the deadly disease that wide spread among the youngsters nowadays. Why? Everybody want to know WHY, the parents too, could not understand their young. In class, they'll be sleeping most of the time when the teachers start teaching. Or other wise they would sneak out and rather roaming around the school than sitting in the class listening to the 'boring' lessons(as they term it). I wish I could be convinced that the teachers were really boring, but to my disappointment, they dislike almost all the teachers and all the subjects,that include Chinese Language.They are also the law breakers. Keeping long and shabby hair style, with shirt loose unbutton, all year long no badges or name tags ,talking louder than other people, cracking dirty jokes and expert in 3 little bad words. The Malay teachers had been tolerated them, just not to scold or better use the word cursed them in front of us (the Chinese teachers) in order not to insult us.The common excuse they gave was that 'THEY COULD NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE TEACHERS ARE TEACHING,' or otherwise they said ' THE MALAY TEACHERS ARE UNFAIR TOWARDS THEM' ... but both excuses had strongly convinced their parents that the school is at fault for their children laziness! And we usually get the feedback from their parents that they supported their children to stop school even at the age of 15(Form 2). 'BETTER GO TO WORK'. This is their final destination. They wanted to work badly to earn money to support their handsets, that's the hidden reason every teachers know! I used to trace back my students who left school for this similar matter to find out if whether they are doing well, but to my surprise most of them regretted and wish to come back to school. Why? Its because working life is not really fun either for THE LAZY people.

The Dumb one will do better in life?

2008-09-18T08:51:00.000-07:00

I read an article in nangyang siang pao (18th Sept 2008) making a sweeping statement that those students who are lazy in school, naughty, or branded by teachers 'stupid' always do better in life compare to those hardworking, studious and excel in school. Later, the writer said these are the people(good one) who are going to be jobless. Why they do not like schooling? The syllabus are boring and not conducive, too many restrictions, thus they wouldn't like to go to school, said the writer. I totally disagree with the writer and I believe the writer never been to school for a long time and not knowing what is really happening in school. No doubt, some had came out in life but how many, whats the percentage? Earning lots of money doesn't mean they are successful in life. Look at those who become 'A Long' or do 'side door business', they also earn tons of money, can you say they are successful in life or better off compare to those educated one who earn an honest living?
Nowadays schools are equipped with lots of teaching media such as computers, CD, LCD etc. The classroom are comfortable, some classes with air-cons. There are computer lab, library, Science's lab, KH lab, ERT room etc and all these facilities contribute better education for the students. Compare to those days we had nothing except science lab and the teachers were chalk and talk specialist but still many of us came out successful in life and we always feel grateful to our teachers and school.
Those students who are lazy, naughty and trouble maker in school are problematic students. They have ATTITUDE problems, could also be mental or emotional problems due to their family back ground. These lots of attitude problems students usually give a lots of excuses for their laziness. They love to play, waste time, disturbing other students or challenge school regulations. They find interest in nothing at all, not even in co- curriculum such as sports and games. Even if you organise a trip these people wouldn't participate. What they are interested in is to play with their friends, talking in the class while the teacher is teaching or sleeping the whole day . You must know that they have activities at night such as computer games, chit chat 'yam char' . The simple reason they are like that is because their parents could not control them. Most parents are too busy to seriously care about their teens behaviour outside school. Some parents even sided their children for all the wrong things they did. The worst of all is the parent who discourage them to school because they are big enough to work at least can help the parent to lessen the burden on car or house installments.
Many of them stop schooling half way as the writer said' not interested' anymore in school life. They are lazy because they like to enjoy. They take life easy, schooling is suffering because need hard work. So, these lots of 'LAZY BUMS' when they go out to work won't last them too long in each job. After sometimes you may find them stop working, doing nothing! I have few students like that. These people are tendency to meet those bad guys who might later drag them into 'black society' who do underground business.
Those who are not educated but still can come out in life are not many . They can, provided they have no attitude problems. Education carters not only job opportunity but also wisdom. Only through education could create professionals. A wiser person make better decision than a dumb one. Those students who excel in their study have positive attitudes, they are resilience, hardworking, determine, discipline and confidence. When talking about 'SUCCESS' it mean more than 'MONEY'. Education can make them a better man. Success is subjective, but to me, its the value of your life; how much you can contribute to the well being of mankind.

Chicken in the slaughter house verses Frogs in the pond

2008-08-17T16:25:00.000-07:00

I would like to narrate this story to the children. Two stories are not related but both need a little thinking power.

Once upon a time, there lived a farmer. He had a farm. He reared lots of chicken in his farm. He also had other animals too but the story today is about the chicken. The chicken were well taken care and everyday he gave surplus of food. The chicken were so happy living in his farm. The farmer couldn't be border what chicken were doing in the farm as long as they laid some eggs for him everyday. For a long time it had been going on this way and the farmer had less worry about the chicken because they were the least problematic animal compared to the other animals in the farm. At one time disaster came, the chicken started to fight among themselves over some small matters. Since then the chicken didn't bother to do their duty anymore and this of course annoyed the farmer. After seriously thought about this matter, he decided to slaughter some of the chicken. So he sent the chicken to the slaughter house. But the chicken couldn't predict their future in the slaughter house, they went on fighting. The farmer couldn't tolerate anymore to this nonsense thus he decided to slaughter all the chicken.
Near by the farm there was a pond. In the pond there lived some frogs. These frogs had different colours cause they were of different species. The green frogs were the earliest species who lived there ,then later came the red frogs, the blue frogs and the purple frogs. They had been living there for so many generations and all the frogs had loyalty to the place they lived. They were living in peace and harmony and each of them work hard to keep the pond beautiful. But good time never last long. The green frogs held a meeting among themselves to talk about their rights as the earliest species who lived there. They wanted to set rules that made the other frogs inferior. This discrimination had disturbed the frogs' life. Some of them thought about migrating to a better place, some just stay on but lost their loyalty, some just waited to over throne the green frogs and the fact was,the pond was no longer beautiful and good place to live.

The Super Malays of Malaysia

2008-08-13T08:13:00.000-07:00

I met a lawyer at the airport while waiting to board our plane. We were sort of coincidentally sitting at the same table when we started to talk to each other. Lawyer Halim had 3 children and all of them were sent to oversea to pursue their higher education. I was told that all of them scored excellent results in SPM (8A's) but none were enrolled into the local IPTA, though they were being offered by the government. I was very much surprise because usually the Malays would not given up the scholarship specially located for them and also much preferred the local University than paying money from their own pockets to go overseas. "I don't want my children to be bonded by the government." explained Halim. His children are doing medic. "I want them to pursue their specialist degree in US. The doctors in Malaysia are working worst than a slave. I want my children to work elsewhere in this world where doctor are treated as professional and have work schedule like human." For a while, I have to agree to Halim because my sons are doctors too in the government hospital, working from 6.00am to 8.00pm, on call every alternate day( 24hrs), have not enough sleep most of the time and no more life for him..... Yet our Health Minister think our doctors were not doing good enough and have to increase their working hours. And Halim is willing to pay to get his sons out from this fate. I really salute him.

This remind me of the 'Mara Protest' lately for not to give way to other races to enter Mara. The rational behind is not really clear but two things we can guess, one is they afraid to compete with other races may be they presume they are less better(in real fact they are equally good). Secondly may be they being racist( still tight down by the historical factor). They forget that other races are paying taxes too. This racist kind of policies have to be outdated because we all had been here for more than a decade, and please recognise us as Malaysian who are also loyal to this country. The racist kind of mentality is a low kind of mentality, back to the time in America where the Black were not treated equal as the White. Halim is a super Malay who is not only dare to compete with the other races in Malaysia in fact dare to compete with the world. I have a great respect for him for this and hope that one day more Malays would come to join Halim, to have self confidence and to be competence with everyone else in this world. This is what our XPM meant by not using 'tongkat'. That time Malaysia would be prosperous, clear of corruptions, lawful(no bias,bias) and respected by the world.

The boy who sleeps in class

2008-08-03T07:19:00.000-07:00

Zhu Guan slept most of the time in the classroom. It's headache for most teachers who enter that class. All his classmates dare not disturb him because he would beat anyone who waked him up. Yesterday he strangled a boy for disturbing his sleep. The only time he woke up is the recess time. I took up this case and had been attending to him for few sessions . At last I decided to call his father. I had been calling him for the pass one week and I couldn't get him anyway. Last Friday, as I was packing to go home, his father showed up. I was surprise to see a young man of late 20's . This is a story I would like to share. ,
"I was married at the age 17 and my wife 15. I meant to have fun but never expected she got pregnant. I had to stop schooling and was forced to marry her. But the marriage didn't last, we divorced after the child was borned. My son was raised by his grandparents."
I told him about his son's problems. "He seem to watch video CD every night till morning. He also plays video game at cyber cafe till late night. "
"It's all his mother's mistake, she should have given this child to me. " "Are you sure you could look after him better than his mother?" "But I am busy too..." Asking about his occupation, this is what he told me, " I am running a business in cyber cafe, I also a finance collector(one who collects debt in Tai Yi Long business). He saw my fishy smiles and felt pressured," Actually I regretted my life. I didn't complete my secondary education. After I left school than only I realise knowledge is important. I couldn't find a better job that gives me lots of money. And I believe money is the most important thing in this world. . I plan to 'buy' a wife from Cambodia or Thailand. Only with money, we can satisfy the women. " His ideology reflex his irrational thinking which may influence the upbringing of his child. Now I can understand why Zhu Guan behave that way. "Everybody make mistakes right? " Most parents have very soft hearts for their children, but school have rules and regulations which the students must learn to abide . As for Zhu Guan, the father must be strict with him.
1.Make sure he doesn't stay late at night. He must sleeps at night and awakes in the day.
2.The father has to pay serious attention to his progress in education.
3.Most important thing I suggest, his father should practise good values so that the boy could grow up in a favourable environment. The father is the role model.
Zhu Guan is just one of the victim from a broken home. His grand parents though loved him very much but still couldn't replace the role of a parent.
There are mistakes you can make and be forgiven but there are mistakes once committed, there's no turning back, this is what I always tell the students. I hope they learn from this story.

When the women walk out from the kitchen

2008-08-01T07:25:00.000-07:00

I dated a good friend of mine to chat over a cup of tea at her house, a day after the 'election'. Joining us was another friend of hers who was just 'lost' in the 'election' last night. She was quite upset. " It must be a foul play, everybody say so, in fact someone saw it...it was red ticket...mine ticket. " The story about 'the red ticket' was going too far, added more and more to the matter was from one witness increase to three! More and more people claimed that they 'saw' it. I was one of the witness at the counting parlour, it was perfect last night. No foul play! But to speak the truth at this moment was dangerous! I was afraid they might brand me ' people from the other side' and no more friend with me. I don't want to lose any friends at this age. Friendship is so important to me nowaday. I joined the"party' with a genuine heart, thinking that with my professional skill I might be able to render my service, meantime I'll make more friends. But I was wrong. Since last night I lost most of my friends, they were at war!They walked away from me as though I was their enemy. It looked like we were fighting over 'life and death' matter. I was wondering, why? So, after that night, the women split into two groups. The end results was lose-lose situation because we were no more friends. I was wandering how these people going to be good leaders with their shallow mentality.

The 'election' was over. Its time to get back to the team because we belong to the same 'party' . I hope for the ladies, don't be too serious about the war. Sometimes we must stop and ask ourselves : What's the most important things in our life. What's make our life happy. What's your priority. And the women who walked out from the kitchen must remember to come home, our family is waiting for us because they need us most.

True love or not true love?

2008-07-22T06:52:00.000-07:00

Many girls of 15 like to ask me what is true love mean? They were so 'in love' with the guys they met, so dramatic, so beautiful. I never condemn their feelings, at this point I understand how they feel. Girls at puberty start to experience changes in their feelings, and they will undergo this kind of feelings if they are normal. But most girls are shy to show out, they will secretly admire some guys. I did come across some girls who are a bit extreme in their emotion which might end up with greater problems. Su Lin(nick name) was 15 when she was caught kissing with a boy of her age behind the stair case after school. She was sent to see me for counseling sessions. "Teacher, what is true love? " Well this is what I always tell them,"True love means when a boy or a girl meet, there's a kind of affectionate feeling towards each other, wanting to live together for ever..." And they'll laugh and said," Oh that's old fashion teacher! We only want to have fun, never think of ever after kind of things..." Well I am afraid, this is the trend today that make most parents worry . True love, very hard to explain true love when of course I don't think their love is true. The kind of feeling they undergo is affection.Its the chemistry changes in their body that cause the thing. True love takes more than just have fun. "You must be matured enough to understand your feelings toward someone. To get married, you must be economically stable... and true love, the feelings never die ever after..."

There are stages in live where everyone of us must undergo. At different stage, we have a duty to perform. When during childhood, we learn the basic survival skills and the basic education. When we proceed to adolescent, during secondary school, we have to gather as much knowledge as possible to enable us to meet with challenges during adulthood. But, alas! This is the worst time of all where problems come; conflicting with parents, in love problems, peers problems etc..and all these problems have distracted your concentration towards your actual task as a teenager. What is your actual important task now as a teenager? To study! Doing the best for your future.

To fall in love at this time is a waste of time. At the end, its lose-lose situation. As time pass by you'll find that this kind of feeling is not true love. Wait until you are matured enough to understand what love means. Time will come, for true love, don't worry!

Just talk to your parents

2008-07-16T20:35:00.000-07:00

Teenagers find its difficult to talk to their parents. Most likely they will end up conflicting and arguing because they couldn't understand each other. That why many parents complaint about communications problem with their teens. " They lock themselves in the room, I don't know what they do inside." " They're not telling me anything what's happening in school..." On the other hand the teenagers claim that there are aliens living in their parents body. " My mum and dad can never understand me, I can't talk to them." Parents nowadays have been tolerating a lot upon their teens. But as a teenager you have to take responsiblity too to communicate with your parents. It's important because you have nothing to lose, in fact you'll gain !
First, you must seek to understand your parent by just listening to them. Of course many of you would think I am bias to say so. Why we cannot communicate with parents mainly due to our weakness in listening skill . We have no patience to listen. We avoid putting ourselves in their shoes. We always think our parents are super people who never get hurt, never frustrated, never give up no matter what nonsense we do. But we are wrong! Parents are human too. They do make mistakes, got bad times in their office, got worries, upset or sometimes giving up hope. You have your role to play. Your dad or mum want to talk to you and you can just listen. May be they need someone to talk to. They need someone dear like you to share their feelings. You can start the conversation by asking" So how's your day today mum/dad?" Listen genuinely, have eyes contact and show your interest. Sometimes your parents give you advices, which I know most teenagers dislike. Some parents have poor skill of giving advices because it finally turn out to be boring nagging! Nag, nag, nag... and the teens avoid you whenever you open your mouth. If your mum and dad want to give advices(though you hate it) just listen, think about the good points in their advices. Always remember that they love you. Its all for your own good!
Just listen is a win-lose situation. My second point is to give respond or feedback. Some teenagers just keep their mouths shut though they disagree with their parents . "No point talking to them, they wouldn't understand! Silent is golden." But I strongly disagree to this. You must respond, of course in a positive way. To respond doesn't mean argument. You may have your rational , just speak up your feelings in a harmony tone. Once I stop my son playing computer games which I think is destructive to brain especially when playing for hours non stop. This was what he said," Mum, I have no friends and no other hobbies, games is something I can enjoy and relax my mind. This is a game of my age, I may not be playing games anymore when I am 40. But I promise you to do my best in my study, otherwise you can delete all my games." A compromise was made. So I gave in on the term that he mustn't slack in his study. Sometimes you need to seek for approval over somethings may be your parents disagree; well speak up and give good reasons. But not everything must turn out favourable on your side. There are things your parents have to turn you down for some reasons you must accept . Parents are people who have experience and knowledge more than you(eat more salt), the fact is most of the time they are right. So just accept. By giving feedback or respond you could make yourself understood. Communication need to take both sides. Nobody could understand if you just keep quiet and avoid talking to your parent.
To conclude, you have nothing to lose if you can communicate with your parent well. You might gain more respect, trust and favour. Just fly into their shoes and think what should you do if you are them.

Confussion

2008-07-05T07:24:00.000-07:00

Who's telling lies and who's telling truth?

Who's the convict and who's innocent?

Who's corrupting and who's clean?

What seem very clear yet is blurred.

What seem logical yet is senseless.

What seem simple yet is difficult.

The criminal stays free and the innocent to jail.

The justice to exile and the injustice withheld .

The true testimonial is not in favour.

All these because somebody wants power.

The power can change the wrong to right.

The power can change the bad to good.

The power can change the evils to saint.

It takes 50 years to win the trust.

And one day is enough to lost it all.

Another 50 years the trust no more.

Once empire fall forever fall.

The history has proven yet to learn.

utube the lion king is sleeping tonight - Google Search

2008-06-26T18:20:00.000-07:00

utube the lion king is sleeping tonight - Google Search

Runaway girl

2008-06-25T19:02:00.001-07:00

It was 12.30 midnight when I got a phone call from her father," My girl has not returned home till now, didn't she go to school this morning?" I was caught in the middle of my sweet dream, couldn't make up who was she was.Later I remembered her, she came to see me frequent, sort of finding some one to talk to. I recalled the day she was outside my room early in the morning and I was busy with referred cases. She stood there looking a bit sad ,I told her to come after recess but she didn't showed up."Oh ya? Have you called up all her friends?" Later I was told that they found her at her friend's house. She had a lot of complaints lately, the whole world seem to offend her. Her parent, divorced few years back was the greatest impact to her life today, especially after the father remarried. "Nobody loves me, my mother promised to celebrate my birthday but she didn't showed up. My father is too busy to care about my feeling. Nobody, nobody trusts me, they despise me, I'm always at fault, even if I do well, nobody ever appreciate."
I had many cases of teens who came from broken homes, they were mostly problematic. Unless either father or mother who could really manage and handle the situation well, otherwise the children might suffered the psychology impact of loosing one of the parent.
The common symptom is the premature coupling relationship. Though this problem also occurred in normal famillies but more on the broken families. Why the teens need to couple up at so early age? Many parents had seen me for this particular problem. Apart from the normal natural instinct process, some teens go to the extreme of having sexual relationship or running away from home. They were not afraid or shy to let others know about it. Most of them claimed that they were lonely. Most of the time the parents were not at home, they were busy. "I have boy friend because I have no one to talk to. At least I don't have to talk to the wall." "My boy friend loves me, I feel nice about this." The truth is the parents are real busy nowadays. Apart from their careers, they have all other activities to attend. Last night I was watching a group of women dancing at the playground next to my house. You can see the dancing sessions everywhere, especially night time. Morning, they would probably doing exercises at the seaside. Most mothers are wiser nowadays to take care of their health. The fathers have to much work to do in order to meet the inflation. The school used to have activities for the parent on Sundays but most of them could not come because they were "busy". When the parents are out, I wander what the teens do at home. Do they revise their lessons? Do they help you in the house work? Or do they really stay at home? In order to make them happy most parents bribe their teens with hand phones, which has became the root of all evils later on. So how? Most parents demand one word answer from the counselor. "My teen is problematic. I am sending him to you." When I insisted that its the parents I should see, "I am busy, not me have problems, its my child." When I talk to the parents, I can hardly finish our conversations because they would be clinging to their handset every alternate minutes.
I had a case whereby the parent were not at home for days, the daughter brought back her boy friend to sleep. Most common place to hunt for boys is at the cyber cafe. A girl, 16 had delivered a baby to the boy 17, whom she met at the cyber cafe and they had an affair the first day itself, not knowing what his real name was. More serious case is about a girl 15 from a broken home, left alone most of the time, doing part time business XXX in order to support her handset and luxurious things. Most parents groaned that teenagers nowadays have changed, not like our time. Yes, they need to change to meet the changing world, but our duty as a parent not change. It depends on the priority you put between your children and other things. You harvest what you sow.

How paradigm of self could influence your life

2008-06-22T21:56:00.002-07:00

What is paradigm? Paradigm is how you look at yourself, they are all perceptions. Negative paradigm would create limitations. One who strongly believe that he is a dumb, then he is indeed.For instant you are convinced that you couldn't make it to colleges, the belief would hold you back; you wouldn't work hard enough, sitting in the class listening to teachers is a waste of time, always excuses, and at last your prediction come true, you couldn't make it.
Quite sometime ago I was seeing a boy who wanted to stop school at Form 2 because he believed that he wouldn't pass PMR. His father was with him, trying to convince me about his son,
" Madam Teo, its no use, my son wouldn't make it. He was no good since primary school. I think he better go to work, don't waste time here." Well, its pretty clear that his paradigm had pulled him back.
Probably the parent too has negative paradigm. He was being told frequently that he wasn't good enough in school. Some parents may not know that their negative paradigms have intruded their children lives. In our daily conversation with the family members we might carelessly talk in negative tones. Some parents even use reverse psychology to motivate their children which I strongly oppose to that. You might think by saying 'you are not good enough compare to your sister or brother' would inspire your child to strive harder but in actual fact, they won't. The chances are that they would form a negative paradigm of self. Positive paradigm come through encouragements not condemnations.
Positive paradigm can bring out the best in oneself. If you think you can, you can. People work hard to achieve their dreams. Its determination and inspiration to think good about oneself . A successful person never has negative paradigm on self. Parents must plant into their children the positive paradigms. You know how to do it.

Watch out for defective habits in your teens

2008-06-12T20:52:00.000-07:00

First we learn to identify the defective habits our teens have adapted which would lead to more problems most parents face later in their life.

*Defective teens like to blame others for all their problems. The parents, the teachers, the school, the government and all others except themselves. They never take responsibility for their own life. All their life they 'll be the victims. Their defective habits usually nurtured at very young age adopted from the parents whom also like to blame others most of the time in their daily life. Every time they make a mistake and start to blame others, parents nevertheless would side them and confirm towards the defective habit, which later on have developed into a permanent defective behaviour. I used to face parents whom being invited to school to talk about their problems teens; "My son said, the teacher is unfair. The teacher being racist, never punished their own race for the similar mistake made. " In fact many Chinese students use this excuse as a weapon to escape from their parents' punishment for the mistakes they make in school. To my surprise, most parents like to believe it, for most Malaysian Chinese still strongly hold on to this idealogy.

*The defective teens never have plans for their future. Since they never take responsibility, thus they also never worry about tomorrow. All things seem to be well taken care off by their parents. They live for the moment, enjoying themselves with their peers, sleeping in the class while teachers are teaching but staying awake all night playing computer games or chating endlessly on their phones. They never worry about the consequences for breaking school rules and damn the rules for they'll walk around with the latest fashion in town, feeling like a star. They rather spend their precious time in the smelly toilet than to sit in the classroom learning from the teachers. All they have to do is to put the first thing last and the last thing first. All the goodness such as hard working, honesty, faithfulness, loyalty from their ancesters are stupid to them. Good advices are funny, for they will be giggling over serious things talked by the teachers.

So parents, if you see these characteristic in your teens, you have to watch out. Take the first step ahead and build up the sense of responsibility in your teens. Never believe in their blames. See what really goes wrong and treat their defective thinking. You yourself must prove to be a functional person, always not blaming others in front of your children. Children learn by example. Make them do all the things they suppose to do for themselves, include washing their own plates, shoes , keeping their room clean and also helping with the house works. Both parent, father and mother must cooperate in the up bringing of their children. As what we see today in most family the father will leave all the responsibilities to the mother, and the mother becomes the dominant figure in the house who answers to everything the child needs. This phenomena is unhealthy in terms of character building for a child as he needs both parent as role model to be able to adopt their example as a responsible person. Parent should work along with the school regulations and always watch out for their children behaviour in school. Check their attire and hair style, for all schools in Malaysia never allow students to be fashionable. Make sure the children discipline themselves at home and never let them be loose-tie, doing anything they like except studying. Cultivate good habits from young age, make them responsible for their own deeds. Have close check over their daily achievement in school, make sure they can follow all the lessons. Never entertain excuses. Encourage them and always tell them that education is very important. Parents who always talk negative things about education would further ruined their children future. Make your children aim high, and if he drops he won't drop so low.

Why teenagers suffer depression?

2008-06-11T05:22:00.000-07:00

Depression is more than feeling sad. Feeling sad at times is part of life for most people, especially when things aren't going well. However, for a depressed person, feeling sad will make it difficult and impossible to function normally at home or at work. Sometimes, a feeling of sadness is not due to particular event such as death of a love one or divorce. A negetive life event may bring about depression. However, this is not the case for many people with depression. In fact, their life may be going smoothly overall when they become depressed. Symptoms of depression may be as follows.:

-difficulty in thinking, concentration and making decisions.
-change in appetite, sudden loss of weight or gain weight.
-sleeping problems, such as sleep too much or unable to sleep.
-feeling of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt.
-lack of energy, feeling tired all the time.
-thought of death or suicide.

No doubt many people might think that depression is only occurs among the elderly, especially the age group who lost their spouses or facing family problems; but through my experience working with the teens, many teens faced depression. The reasons could be very simple ,it may be the issues of peers pressures, or not accepted by their friends. Teens facing peers problem could lead to depression. Many issues about family problems , whereby the parents were about to divorce might also cause depression among teenagers . Some parents have high expectation on their children and keeping them close eyed until they couldn't breath might also be the cause of depression. Next comes examination pressure, failures , and the most popular issue is about the LOVE issue.
Mei Ling was only sixteen when she attampted suicide for the first time. Nobody expected she could do that for she used to be a good student, obidient and quiet. It was until she met her first 'lover', who was only eighteen, she had changed. Their relationship was objected by both parents and finally the boy decided to end their relationship. It was terrible for Mei Ling , she locked herself in her room most of the time, not talking to anybody. She also had problems in school, until her parent decided to send her away to a boarding school far away from home. There, she decided to end her life.
Many parents could have faced the similar problems nowaday. The teens seem to matured faster then they suppose to be. In school, they started to coupled up during Form 2 to 3. Why they need to couple up at this early age has been a question to most parents. We could not deny about the physical growth and psycological changes that occurs, the feeling of affection towards opposite sex blooms. Most parents reacted vigorously as they couldn't make sense about the needs of their feeling. Danny, a friend of mine told me that he went and peeped his daughter and caught her red handed, kissing with a boy under the staircase outside the school compound while they suppose to attend school at that time. There is no perculier reason to explain why they should fall in love. Most parents are too busy to attend to their teens. Most teens complain that they are lonely and they need a companion. Most adults relate love to marriage wherelse the teens don't. Most teens doesn't think about marriage cos they just want to have funs. Mei Ling had high self esteem and she couldn't face the fact 'BEING DUMP' by someone. Its ' shame', she said. and the feeling of worthlessness. 'Death can settle problem', she told me and I am sure she watch too much movie. Many teens would face depression in this similar situation. Some could just cop up with the situation but in some couldn't. The sadness had grown into depression.

It takes wisdom to be a loser

2008-05-16T23:16:00.000-07:00

To a friend I concern very much.....

Its easy to be a winner, but to be a loser, it takes wisdom. Once a leader whom I respected very much told me,her words has become a guide in my life as I always be a loser myself. Recently a friend faced this dilemma when he became a loser in the game of politic. He was in trauma, felt cheated, betrayed, angry and he believed he had been victimized by a group of people he once trusted. As a friend, nothing I can do to help except some words of wisdom to share.

Life itself is a game and each of us has a role to play. There is a law to abide, that is 'The law of nature'.The law says what ever begins will ends... in order to win, you must have 3 elements favourable : the right time, the right place, and the right people. Lack of one you will not win. In the case of my friend, he had both the right time and the right place but not the right people. Thus he didn't win. There's no need to give a tremendous explanation for all this. Blaming people wouldn't do any good nor change the situation. Life still has to go on. The facts is,politic is the most tricky game ever played in man kind . All the players want to win whenever there is a chance, there is no mercy.

If you want to play , you must enjoy the game. You must be prepared to lose. Politic game is like running in a RELAY TEAM , you are a team member. You may be the first runner but still you got to pass the baton to the next runner. And there goes with the 2nd runner till the last runner. You may be the best runner but you couldn't win alone, the team must win. You may be the fastest runner but if the team lose, you lose. When we were young, our teacher always talk about sporting spirit. Losing is not a big deal, you must have a sporting spirit. But my advice is if you cannot lose, better don't play the game.

Everything in the world has its price. When you were a winner, you became a public figure. Your life was no more solely yours to enjoy. You might think you gain a lot of things, but actually you lost many things too.You had no true friends, people wanted something from you. You had no time for the people you love, your life had been scheduled. You are not genuine, a lot of things done were for shows. You were burdened with people's problems. You had to be cautious all the times, of enemies attacked. You didn't sleep well .You were struggling inside you.You did so many things yet people were not thankful. You were tired and exhausted. This was the price paid for being a winner! May be being a winner you gain a lot of fortunes. And if you think the fortune can give you happiness, then you shouldn't be sad now. The fortune in fact can only engrave you towards greediness, which the Buddha said, is SUFFERING.

Now your baton had passed on to the other runner. How nice to be a free man. Just look at the people around you, how much they had suffered because you suffer. The people who never fail to support you, value you and love you. They deserved your attention more then anyone else .Always think good about people, then you would have no enemies. Be thankful to your friend who take over your burdens. Just let it goes, then you will be happy. Its the wisdom that make you a different person.

Smiling is the best medicine

2008-05-12T14:15:00.000-07:00

I remember some one claims that smiling is the best medicine. When we smile, our hearts feel pleasant. If we start to smile to our colleagues, family and friends, everybody would smile back to us, thus everybody would be fonder, our relationships could be improved. The one who smiles a lot would definitely gain more friends. In school, we should start smiling too, especially to our students. Lets the students feel pleasant to come to school. The students who start the day pleasant may feel pleasant for the rest of the day. This may lead to less discipline problems. I used to experiment this to some stern looking students. I smile to them every morning. To my surprise they started to smile back every time they met me. I smile and greet my colleague, they too smile back and greet me. I always start my day feeling very pleasant, or at least if I encounter any problems at the end of the day, the problems would be less burden.
We always complaint about some of the students being rude to us, "They never greet us..." Why not we start smiling to them and greet them first, this is call teaching by role model. I used to smile to the students who came to see me and found that its easier to break the barrier between us.
Many parents complaint that they couldn't communicate with their children, especially the teens. My advice is why not you start smiling to them.Just look into their eyes and smiles. You'll found its easier to communicate. Smiles need not have a reason. Your smile is a silent signal that you are approachable. I used to smile to my children and they like to talk to me. Don't always start the day with a stern face and make them feel like they're guilty. You are going to spoil their day.
So start smiling to every one. Smiling is the cheapest medicine to realise stress.

I Came Back From Hell

2008-05-10T16:35:00.000-07:00

This is a story about Kent. Kent was sentence to death for drug trafficking. Before, he was also involved in the bank robbery, gang fighting etc. But some how he was pardoned by DYMM Yang Di Pertuan Agong. After 12 years in jail, he walked out again as a free man , by then he was 36. Kent wanted to change when he came to see me, but this is the thing I failed to do unless his heart wanted to. He narrated his story which I think might be a lesson to be learnt by our parents and students today.
"My father was a drunker. When I was young, I remember he always came back drunk, beating my mother for no reason. I was beaten too. Every time I got beaten, I hated him. I was doing quite well in the primary school but my mother never encourage me to do better. As the only son in the family,she said ,I must came out to work earlier because my father was jobless. The family was too poor to support me. Somehow I pursued my secondary education. Due to my language barrier, I was slacking in my study. I must admit that I didn't work hard at all. I started to create discipline problems in school. I tried to influence some guys to join me. Secretly I am forming a gang in the school and I was the 'taiko'. In order to be more powerful, I looked for a bigger gangster group outside to get protection. Many students were afraid of our gang because we got them beaten outside the school if not obeying. I was the law breaker in the school. Not long after that when I was about to finish Form 3, I was expelled from the school. The last thing I did was scratching teacher's car and beat him in the class. I was happy to leave school then, at least I got the freedom and fresh air to breath rather than sitting in the boring classes. From then and onwards, I was doing work for the gang. Daytime I worked in my uncle food stall and at night I did everything my 'taiko 'ordered .That included gang fighting, drug selling, stealing motorbike, cars etc. Due to my bravery and loyalty I was promoted as 'yiko' (2nd brother) at age 17. I felt like a hero . Due to my age, I was given a task as a drug seller. Pub, night club, disco were the popular places where business was conducted. I remember one night when we were at the night club, I disturbed a girl . I didn't know she was some other 'taiko' s girl. That night, the other gang was surrounded me, my 'taiko' and other friends escaped and I was alone, beaten to near death. When I woke up on the hospital bed, my mother was beside me crying. Later I came to know that my gang had disowned me, they didn't want troubles from the other gang. They were much more powerful. I was disappointed over my gang who betrayed me, but at the same time I started to form my own gang. I was brave and fierce, not long after that my gang grew bigger. At age 20, I already controlled 50 members. From then, my life was never away from gang fighting, drugs, women, robbery, stealing etc. Very fast, I was tracked down by the police. To cut short the story, I was caught in the year 1993 and sentence to death penalty.
Life in the jail was a nightmare for me. Every single sound at night could shaken my soul for that could have been my turn . Many times I witness the convicts before me was taken to the gallery, dragged by the guards for they were too weak to walk. Each day approaching, might be the last day for me. When night shield, I would think of my mother. Oh how I hope my father could beat me again. I don't know how long time passes when someone came to break the news about my father's death. His eyes were open, they said, his last wish to see his only son was not fulfil. I trembled in grief , regrets came cutting into my heart and soul .The hidden hatred inside me reveal itself...whom I hated most is myself, I hated myself so much that I wish I could just die. I wanted to say sorry to dad, mum but it was too late...One day, I was told that I was pardoned by DYMM Agong. I knew I did not deserved this but here I am, coming back from hell..."
Kent is a special case, for not everybody is as lucky as Kent. There are some mistakes you shouldn't make in life, once mistake, there is no return...may see you in hell.

The Hungry Brain

2008-05-07T05:06:00.000-07:00

Many secondary school students go to school without breakfast. They woke up just enough time to rush for buses which started to pick them at 6.30am. Upon arriving the school, they are just on time to start lessons. Some school started as early as 7.15am. The students were so used to this situation and had form a habit of not taking breakfast. When asked during my survey," I am not used to eating in the morning, I couldn't eat. " But the phenomena shown that most students without breakfast became worn out easily in the class. They are tired and sleepy. They couldn't pay attention to the teacher's teaching. At 10.00am, they are already craving to go out. Some would just walk out and loitering around the school, creating disciplinary problems. Though boredom may due to many factors but we couldn't deny that one of it may due to hunger. At the long run, the brain without nutrient may run out of energy, which directly affect their concentrations. Our Malaysian students are less lucky to enjoy good canteens whereby food are varieties and surplus. Most food sold to students are monotonous and less nutritious. I had seen a school canteen selling only 'nasi lemak' for the last six years. Some students dislike spicy food would even skip eating during recess unless their parents prepare lunch box for them. The worst time comes around 1.00pm to 2.00pm for those starving lots, they would be out of control because they wanted to go home as quickly as possible. That why they sneak out from classes or sneak out from school. The school at all ages trying to tackle discipline problems but if we fail to seek the cause, we are going to fail.

Spending Time with our children is Love

2008-05-06T02:33:00.000-07:00

Someone send me an article which I find is very meaningful to share with others. Its about how we express love to our children, doing all possible things such as buying expensive toys, enroll them in all sorts of classes, equipped them with high tech equipments such as computer and hand phone etc to keep them occupied. By doing so, we think we had given them a head start with all the luxurious things and they are going to appreciate our love forever. But little as we know that the children filled with materialistic rewards couldn't feel the 'Love' we invested. I used to talk to the teens about how they feel about their parents; "I doubt if they ever love me, their friends are more important than me. Many times my dad just went off whenever his friends calls, but for me he always say 'no time'."

We always take thing for granted. When I was 30's and my eldest son was 13, I was working towards further my education to university and my son said this to me,"You are going to leave us when we need you the most, You may become somebody one day but what will we become. You wouldn't like your children to be nobody. " For this reason, I had postponed the idea and dragged on with my daily routines, spent most of the time with them. Apart from my career as a teacher ,I did nothing as a side job though our earning could barely survive. It was much more later when I was 43, I pursue my degree the same year my son entered university. The same year we graduated too.

Whenever I asked the parents whether they talk to their children, "Oh yes, of course, I always advice them a lot at the dinner table I said................" They always go on repeating every words they spoke to their children to me, if I don't cut in, it might take 1 hour to end the replay slot. The parents usually got highly inspired and drifted away when talking about their advices to their children. When finally I asked," Was it effective?" With eyes whithered, they said "No, they wouldn't listen." It must be something lacking in their relationship that cause this break down. Its the 'bonding' , there is no natural bonding between father and son, thus the father couldn't anyway reach the internal feeling of the children. And 'bonding' only build up through years of 'time' invested on them. Most of the time the parents spend with their children is used up in giving advices for things of the past, now and future. Though advices is necessary sometimes,but too much would be nauseous. The advices is only effective only when the parents be the role model himself. Parents advice their children not to smoke while they themselves do so. Parents want their children to read a lot while they themselves never read a book for years. Parents want the children to respect the elders while they themselves never have hearts for their own folks. Finally tons of advice has become nuisance sound that the children hated so much, whenever you started they want to fly off.

The children need time with you when their social skill start to develop. They want us to play with them, talk to them, laughing together, go outing and happiness together. As they grow older they want us to understand their needs, give them more privacy, cultivate their interests, build up their self confidence, encourage them and always be available whenever they need us. I used to take my children to go touring around during the holidays , and there I have my opportunity to build up our relationship, like I said ,the bonding. I listen to their stories and enjoy their jokes. We had great time together, a lot. During bad time whenever there's problem, I am sitting beside, holding his hand and lending my shoulder to cry. This is the time to give encouragement, not advices. Never overwhelm to protect them till you cannot tolerate their mistakes . Children learns from mistakes. Let you be the first person to go to whenever they have problems. Don' try to solve every problems they have, sometime they only need a listening ear.

So its worth to invest our time in them. Let them feel that they are more important compare to your friends, your business and anything else in this world. I know everybody love their children , but if the children couldn't feel your loves, you have to think another way out. Some parents took short cuts by just scolding them for being ungrateful to their love. But whats the point, they want the thing that you couldn't give them, that's the TIME.

Poverty

2008-05-04T04:06:00.000-07:00

Nirmala was absent from school several times. I decided to pay her a visit to find out her problems. This was what I saw as I open the pot, its only chili water to drink for her lunch. She had not eaten rice for the last two days. There's no more rice left. Her mother left her and ran away with another man since she was four. Her father, a drug addict, seldom home. The father had sold off most of the things at home for money. The house was empty. Nirmala, though not excellent in academic but she was a good student. "I always hungry teacher." She lives with her grandmother who is 65 years old, still working as a sweeper for RM15 a day. But most of the time she was sick at home. This kind of agony is common among our poor students in Malaysia. Poverty is the main reason why they are not excellent in school. They are the neglected group. I tried to reach for aids from varies organizations. Now Nirmala is still schooling , not giving up though the life is tough for her. "Through education, you can change your fate," I always tell her.